[Opie]

The Eye Of The Beheld

V1 Well I've heard stories about the hell in your eyes
And they say betrayal scores the deepest parts
But if thats what it takes for you to see me
For my bitter love to sear into your heart...
Well I've heard stories about running from your gaze
My obsession with your lip service can't compare
I can't get off this train...as it passes all the stops
Derailing and shattering into a thousand pieces but you're not there

C I could have idolized you
A short glance at the reflection
To see the web you're weaving
So close...so close to perfection

V2 Well I've heard stories about your passion
Spanning the globe...I'm at your disposal
A massive game of hide and seek
You hid while I worked to seek your aproval
Well I've heard stories about your cowardice
And how you can't run away so easily
You'd never back down and you never could save me...

B So it was you burning bright...
You left all of us to die...

[SupaNova]

Originally Posted by Opie

Well I've heard stories about the hell in your eyes
And they say betrayal scores the deepest parts
But if thats what it takes for you to see me
For my bitter love to sear into your heart...
Well I've heard stories about running from your gaze
My obsession with your lip service can't compare
I can't get off this train...as it passes all the stops
Derailing and shattering into a thousand pieces but you're not there

I really, really like what you have going on in the first part of this verse. All of the subtleties of the eye imagery is great but then you throw in that line about "lip sevice" (which is a cool line mind you) and then you jump over to the train image. So while all the imagery is good, it kind goes off in another direction towards the end. I'm not really sure if you should change anything though, so take from this what you will.

I could have idolized you
A short glance at the reflection
To see the web you're weaving
So close...so close to perfection

Aside from the web line feeling slightly out of place, I like this chorus a lot too. It gets your thoughts out being able to be straightforward without any cliches.

Well I've heard stories about your passion
Spanning the globe...I'm at your disposal
A massive game of hide and seek
You hid while I worked to seek your aproval
Well I've heard stories about your cowardice
And how you can't run away so easily
You'd never back down and you never could save me...

This verse is great as well, you manage to keep all the imagery connected this time around.

So it was you burning bright...
You left all of us to die...

I don't know why but this part reminds me of the end of the last song on Further Seems Forever's The Moon is Down. That part goes "Your shining and your glimmering.." or something to that extent. Anyway, coupled with the right music I think the bridge could sound really good.

No major complaints here man, keep 'em comin!

[Opie]

Thanks alot...the web line is a reference to looms...whenever people used to sew tapestries on looms they would us a mirror to check the progress of the tapestry without stepping back from their work...I'd really like to elaborate on that whenever I can find the right words to do so...

I had been listening to a combination of FSF, mewithoutYou and Blindside around the time I wrote it so yeah the FSF thing came out a little uninentionaly but I see what you're saying!

Thanks for your comments...anyone else?

[Opie]

anybody else?

[Small]

Originally Posted by Opie

V1 Well I've heard stories about the hell in your eyes
And they say betrayal scores the deepest parts
But if thats what it takes for you to see me
For my bitter love to sear into your heart...
Well I've heard stories about running from your gaze
My obsession with your lip service can't compare
I can't get off this train...as it passes all the stops
Derailing and shattering into a thousand pieces but you're not there

I like it, the first four lines especially. The fifth line nicely ties the two sections of the verse together, and really, I have to disagree with Supa a little bit, I think the only out of place line is 'lip service'

C I could have idolized you
A short glance at the reflection
To see the web you're weaving
So close...so close to perfection

At first glance, this is mediocre, but after you explain the weaving metaphor, it becomes much better.

V2 Well I've heard stories about your passion
Spanning the globe...I'm at your disposal
A massive game of hide and seek
You hid while I worked to seek your aproval
Well I've heard stories about your cowardice
And how you can't run away so easily
You'd never back down and you never could save me...

I like it, the massive game of hide-and-seek is the best part.
It's a lot more solid than the first verse, but maybe without the same flair.

B So it was you burning bright...
You left all of us to die...

A nice way to close a song, short, and a good cap to what you've been talking about all along. Cool.

[Opie]

Thanks for the comments...I'm open to more!

[emo_boy]

Originally Posted by Opie

The Eye Of The Beheld

V1 Well I've heard stories about the hell in your eyes
And they say betrayal scores the deepest parts
But if thats what it takes for you to see me
For my bitter love to sear into your heart...
Well I've heard stories about running from your gaze
My obsession with your lip service can't compare
I can't get off this train...as it passes all the stops
Derailing and shattering into a thousand pieces but you're not there

I like the kind of floating feeling i get reading this. it's kind of like an overview of a scene that you expand on. All except the first 4 lines, they seem disconnected with the rest of the song. it seems you're talking about someone being unopen to love because they've been betrayed, then the rest of the song seems to be about being you being decieved. so it might just be my inerpertation is off, but that's what i get from the song.

C I could have idolized you
A short glance at the reflection
To see the web you're weaving
So close...so close to perfection

a really good chorus. i like it even more after having the explanation of the weaving metaphor. you know way more about weaving than me.

V2 Well I've heard stories about your passion
Spanning the globe...I'm at your disposal
A massive game of hide and seek
You hid while I worked to seek your aproval
Well I've heard stories about your cowardice
And how you can't run away so easily
You'd never back down and you never could save me...

I like the hide and seek lines, pure gold man. the rest of the verse seems pale in comparison, but it's only because those 2 lines shine so bright.

B So it was you burning bright...
You left all of us to die...

not quite sure what the tie-in is here. it seems disconnected, but again i'm probably not grasping it right.

[Opie]

Anyone else?