[cuziamthecaptai]

Originally Posted by Milisha

Lucky for me I'm not an athiest, otherwise I'd probably get depressed asking those questions.

Well, when I was first converted into atheism, I also struggle with depression -- why was I chosen to deny God? But the atheist conspiracy network really helped alot.

Basically, to cope with living with death, we basically made up some asinine theory of us coming directly from rocks, and then force all the biologists in America to teach this theory. Pretty neat, huh?

In fact, before each kid enters a biology graduate program, we make em sign a paper swearing that evolution is true and to make evolution the basis of genetics, even though evolution isn't true and genetics is really just a fancy way of telling who the baby's daddy is on maury.

Actually, I think one of us is supposed to go to that geological graduate program in Florida to teach the young budding geologists how to commit fraud to show how young the earth is. It takes alot of networking to make all the atomic dating machines show a old date.

But yeah, we've kept this conspiracy going for about a hundred and fifty years, even when there's absolutly no proof that evolution occured. We even got christian scientists to sign the pledge-- even though the pledge was produced by the ACN (atheist conspiracy network).

Now, of course, if you ever become an atheist, you don't have to join the biological-fraud or geological-fraud division. You can also join the astronomical fraud agency, american historical revisionism sector, or, if legal matters are your cup of tea-- you can join the 'activist judges group.'

They have a long history of changing rules from the court, such as legalizing interracial marriage and actually allowing black people to sue in court. The best part? When they wanted judge Greer to be an activist judge for the conservative side, he refused!

Oh, and there's also planting evidence. You have to be really careful, though. You have to plant evidence that the jesus-crucifixtion story was already a common theme of religions from the time. My grandfather actually had the distinction of planting the whole mirthinism concept-- where the exact same thing that happened to Jesus happened to some other diety like a thousand years before Christ. My grandpa just took that out of his ass and planted as evidence so everyone would think they just copied the whole jesus story.

You also have to remove evidence-- like there are thousands of entries about the massive earthquakes and teh people rising from the dead during the time of jesus's death. This confirms what happened in the bible and is a big no-no. So the ACN digs around and removes or edits all the historical text, so there's no mention of the massive earth quakes or the sun standing still or even of the actual event itself. That explains why the only people who wrote about the event were in the bible, and they only wrote about it 40 years after the fact!

Yep, it took a long time asking half a million biologists to get involved in a massive conspiracy to full the masses. Now, there are a few Godly people such as Dr. Kent Hovid who used to be a biologist in the network, but defected. But don't worry- we rigged the system so that it shows he actually got his degree from an unaccredited school. And we got another creationist organization to deny "Dr." hovind and claim that his 'proofs' are invalid.

Actually, just looking at the network roster, if you join, you'll be responsible for joing RaptureReady and 'converting' them to evolution. They already agree that the earth is old (check out their FAQ-- genius) and claim that they have evidence, despite the fact that no evidence exists. And they're a fundy group obsessed with the rapture! Once they believe in an old-earth, it's only a small step from realizing we really did just come from apes.

And then once that happens, I won't feel so bad about denying God because I've also brought people down with me. Basically, deep down I believe God exists but just dislike Him personally, so I keep spreading this ape-man myth just so others will deny Him and join me in hell. Of course, if I ever met the right Christian, that person might remind me that by hating God, I'm being sent to hell, but I really don't want to think about that, so I'll just deny Him. Yeah, that's it. It's much easier for me to believe in coming from bacteria than spending eternity in heaven.

Oh man-- bacteria-- I never thought you guys would believe in that. Germ theroy? What a hoot! Everyone knows disease comes from evil spirits. Immunizations? Antibiotics? All just fancy sugar water used to pay for our giant massive conspiracy network.

[cuziamthecaptai]

oppsies--- turns out it's tomorrow.

Wait-- that message was supposed to be confidential. Drats! the secret is out

[Longhorn26]

aha the truth is finally revealed!!!

[Milisha]

Originally Posted by cuziamthecaptai

oppsies--- turns out it's tomorrow.

Wait-- that message was supposed to be confidential. Drats! the secret is out

Thanks for the April Fools day chuckle

[Daniel16]

lol... mind if i quote you on that one later cuzi? just kidding, i wont let the secret out.

Originally Posted by cuziamthecaptai

Actually, I think one of us is supposed to go to that geological graduate program in Florida to teach the young budding geologists how to commit fraud to show how young the earth is. It takes alot of networking to make all the atomic dating machines show a old date.

i was wondering what the age of the earth actually has to do with refuting creationism and supporting evolution? isnt it true that scientists have actually found trees perpendicular to the earth, running through what scientists call "millions of years" worth of layers of rock...? also, seems that if God created a world, it wouldnt have to be made to be brand new. He made man fully grown, he could do the same with the world.