Please explain the contrast between infatuation and love.

bobthecockroach · 03-07-2005, 03:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sarah_13

"Love is not affectionate feeling, but a steady wish for the loved person's ultimate good as far as it can be obtained."
C.S. Lewis

But is that what being "in love" is?

Nate · 03-07-2005, 03:52 PM

Being in love = healthily and correctly directed infatuation.

In His love,
Nate

JWillett · 03-07-2005, 04:14 PM

Being "in love" has more substance to it because it is based upon a firm understanding of the other person and who they are. Its a genuine feeling with more clarity than infatuation, which I would say is an extremely blind feeling.

BTW. Being "in love" in a relationship is different to real love, for anyone who got confused earlier. "In love" is a feeling that is in response to the act of loving someone.

bobthecockroach · 03-07-2005, 07:21 PM

So, it's impossible to love someone until you know them well? And if you're infatuated with someone and then you get to know them, are you automatically in love with them because you have an understanding of who they are?

jbm222 · 03-07-2005, 11:06 PM

I really don't like the word love. It's very vague and in the context of modern American English it can take on vastly different meanings.

Infatuation almost always refers to something fleeting, shallow, imature, etc. In other words, a crush.

When you're truely concerned about the other person's well being more than your own, and you begin to share that person's joy and pain as though it were your own, and the time you spend with that person undoubtedly makes you happier than you've ever been before, you're "in love."

Also, "in love" can refer to an infatuation where a person is convinced it's deeper and more meaningful even though it's not. When someone begins to devote their entire being to a relationship that's based on something supraficial (sorry, if that's spelled wrong).

And you can fall "in love" with things you would never be infatuated. People say they "love" chocalate cake or new cars or leaves on the trees in autumn.

Or "in love" could mean you're visiting some little town which is probably in tenesee or new england somewhere.

**bread man** · 03-08-2005, 02:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bobthecockroach

Is being "in love" just a feeling?

In the contexts I have mostly heard it used, yes. However, the meaning of the phrase is hard to define.

ApparentlyNothing · 03-08-2005, 04:50 PM

We need to define "infatuation" and "in love" before we can start comparing and contrasting the two.

It is my understanding that neither is true love. Infatuation, or "cathexis", is "the process of attraction, investment, and commitment". To some, this may sound like love, but it can very easily be devoid of true love, because this is often accompanied by dependency, which is seeking your own nourishment and no more. Being "in love" at least to me, is associated with "falling in love", which is just another way of talking about cathexis. In our every day lives, most people use "in love" to describe only cathexis or infatuation. Though, true love can be accompanied by cathexis as well. But it is not love in it of itself. Cathexis often develops in to true love though. But true love is "the will to extend one's self for the purpose of nurturing one's own or another's spiritual growth". "Spiritual" is not purely referring to our Christian walks, but basically any growth in our inner beings.

So, to answer your question, I think that "infatuation" and "in love" are often used interchangebly, though "in love" can sometimes actually refer to true love, or at least be a stronger form of infatuation.

BTW, I got most of my info and quotes from The Road Less Traveled by M. Scott Peck, an incredible book that has a whole section on Love. It's really good. Everyone should read it.

Mattlock · 03-08-2005, 05:20 PM

Infatuation is like lust. It's centered around yourself, not the other individual.

Love is the opposite, it's about the other person.

ApparentlyNothing · 03-08-2005, 05:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mattlock

Infatuation is like lust. It's centered around yourself, not the other individual.

Love is the opposite, it's about the other person.

I think it must be stated that in order to truely love someone else, you must first love yourself. Self sacrifice is not love in it of itself, although it can be at times. But it is not always. Self sacrifice is only true love if it brings about the growth of the other. For example letting your husband walk all over you and do whatever he wants is self sacrifice, but it is not love.

Not challenging your statement, Matt. Just adding to it.

bobthecockroach · 03-08-2005, 08:25 PM

Well, I'll throw out my thoughts now. I completely agree that "infatuation" and being "in love" refer to the same thing. The real difference seems to be in the connotation (infatuation is bad, being in love is good). The basic idea, which I would define as a desire for intimacy, is the same. Thus, in order to separate the terms, it makes sense to use infatuation to refer to a poorly-directed desire for intimacy and "in love" to refer to a well-directed desire for intimacy.

The reason I ask at all is because I often see people asking (usually rhetorically) whether someone is just infatuated with another or whether they are actually "in love" with them. I have never quite understood what people meant by that. Not that I understand any better now, but I at least see some different views on the subject.

Nate · 03-08-2005, 09:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bobthecockroach

Thus, in order to separate the terms, it makes sense to use infatuation to refer to a poorly-directed desire for intimacy and "in love" to refer to a well-directed desire for intimacy.

I wish I had said that.

Dr. Worm · 03-09-2005, 12:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nate

Being in love = healthily and correctly directed infatuation.

In His love,
Nate

Which is basically nothing more than a less eloquent way of saying what I've said all along.

ApparentlyNothing · 03-09-2005, 12:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Yojimbo

I don't think infatuation is bad. I think it's an early, immature stage of love...adolescence compared to adulthood.

Ya, like what I said. It can often times develop in to true love, but it is not love in it of itself. If we wanted to put things in chronological order, it probably most often goes: infatuation, "in love", true love.