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02-22-2005, 08:12 AM
| #1 |
| Me and my brother <3  Joined: Mar 2002 Location: In my Father's will Posts: 2,899
| How to deal Hey, guys, i've never posted here before, but I need some advice on this. See, there's this great guy I know and we've liked each other for a long time, almost a year. He knows I can't date until I'm 18, and he's okay with that and everything, but there's just one problem. Recently, we've decided to just be friends and just wait for each other, even though we have been physical in our relationship. We haven't had sex or anything even close, don't worry, so we're not in sin in that way. Okay, so here's the thing. He's a grade older than me, and next year he's going away to college. Of course we both know there's a possibility that he could find another girl, and i'm concerned about it. I know that I want God to do His will, but I think I would go crazy if I saw my friend with another girl! After he's been so sweet with me and everything, I don't know if I could stand to see him loving another girl. I know a lot of that is jealousy and it's sin, but what am I supposed to do? How can I be okay with it if he finds a girl that he likes more than me and decides to go after her? I'm getting so concerned that I'm having nightmares and getting sick. Please help, you guys, this isn't like me at all.
__________________ So if you're waiting for love/well it's a promise I'll keep/if you don't mind believing that it changes everything/then time will never matter/ |
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02-22-2005, 08:46 AM
| #2 | |
| Bulldogge Administrator  Joined: Jun 2001 Location: Beaverton, Or Posts: 37,721
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POW!|
02-22-2005, 09:03 AM
| #3 |
| fists afire  Joined: May 2002 Location: Nottingham NH Posts: 1,168
  | It is situations like this that make me scoff at having age limits on dating. They are completely futile. I think it would be neccessary for you to first talk to your parents respectfully about what's going on (as Bill said) Explain to them the feelings you have for this guy, and possibly see if they may allow you to begin spending time with him in group settings, or even at your parents house (I'm not sure what you're circumstances are family wise, or anything, or how strict your parents are on the rule) As far as the jealousy thing, if this guy really likes you, then he's not just going to find another girl when he goes to college. Make sure that your clarify this with him, so that you can end your worry. However, this is the part that may be more painful to hear...there is the possibility that your relationship is not part of God's will, and that there may be someone else out there for both of you. But, you know the good thing about that is, that if you are truly striving to live in God's will, then you will be at peace about what happens in your life. You won't be stressed out and having nightmares about it. I would suggest really praying about, and really asking your friend to pray about it.Whether or not you can date now, can be put aside with a promise of a relationship, if that is truly how you feel God calling you. This must be really tough for you, feel free to PM me if you want to talk about it, or vent or anything 
__________________ I've debauched and deceived, and destroyed families...I've taken all, given none, and received judgement from the objective eye of a gun. I'm guilty, it's true, but remorseful, no less, I'm sorry! What becomes of me, but death deserved, received? What of a crooked man's desperate plea seeking The Good Judge's mercy? He loved the loveable and the unlovely, the decadent and the holy. He made a way for the pope and he made a way for me. ~Staple ;Gavels from Gun Barrels |
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02-22-2005, 09:38 AM
| #4 |
| Where have I been?  Joined: May 2003 Location: Dallas, Texas Posts: 1,623
| You are already dating...because you are in a romantic relationship. You are making yourself sick because it sounds like you are so worried to the point of obsession (this has happened to me many times!)..it happens a lot with the young. I would try to breathe and relax and know that you can enjoy the time you have, if we worry about the future its not going to help anything. If he is in love with you, he won't want another girl...and if he does want another girl, he's not worth having. You need to decide of you are okay with the concept of "not dating until you are 18" to please your parents, but still having everything that goes along with dating...(physical relationship, jealousy, nervousness and worry over him finding someone else). This is not how it should feel...its not healthy.
__________________ "The unkindness of your family makes you astonished to find friendship elsewhere." ~Elinor Dashwood, Sense and Sensibility |
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02-22-2005, 02:41 PM
| #6 | |
| ... Joined: Jul 2004 Posts: 3,598
| Quote:
while this is a possible outcome, one case doesn't define them all. i think i agree with about everything else that was said though.  | |
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02-22-2005, 02:45 PM
| #7 | |
| Bulldogge Administrator Joined: Jun 2001 Location: Beaverton, Or Posts: 37,721
| Quote:
Well...... .... ... I know a guy who is older than a girl he realy liked...And they said theyd wait for each other and things....And well....They are getting married when the timer below hits 0... that would be me. there is no reason things can't work out well, but honesty is key. Frodo, if your parents are godly people, I would strongly reccomend talking to them. And I think you need to talk this out with the guy. | |
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02-22-2005, 04:47 PM
| #8 | |
| awaiting beautiful feet  Joined: Aug 2001 Location: Massachusetts Posts: 2,737
| Quote:
Also, consider that perhaps part of what you're struggling with is that because you've gotten physically involved with this guy, you feel a pressure to stay with him just so that you'll bever have to explain that physical involvement to anyone else. Part of the reason you might hope that he's the one you'll end up married to is to "justify" what you did in the past - and if that's part of the motivation you're feeling, you aren't really free yet from the power of those mistakes, and should seek God's help in that area too.
__________________ "But there are two things I could not manage: neither to break the cord that holds me by the heart fixed, riveted, and sealed here, nor in silencing someone who speaks softly to me when I am alone." (Jean Valjean, in <i>Les Miserables</i> by Victor Hugo) | |
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02-22-2005, 05:40 PM
| #9 | |
| Where have I been? Joined: May 2003 Location: Dallas, Texas Posts: 1,623
| Quote:
On the other hand, I was promised to a guy (ring and all) and I ended up breaking up with him. Time changes people. As you grow up, you discover what you want and sometimes that changes with time. You have to realize that. Be smart.
__________________ "The unkindness of your family makes you astonished to find friendship elsewhere." ~Elinor Dashwood, Sense and Sensibility | |
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02-22-2005, 06:12 PM
| #10 | |
| Bulldogge Administrator Joined: Jun 2001 Location: Beaverton, Or Posts: 37,721
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well, being as we sound like an old married couple and have 3 months till the wedding, it would take a catastrophe of epic proportions to halt our wedding. also the fact that we have been friends since before my 18th birthday, (Im almost 24) also play in my favor. | |
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02-22-2005, 06:23 PM
| #11 |
| the carzy one  Joined: Dec 2004 Location: oregon Posts: 79
| on sunday my pastor was taling about sometimes we have an idea where we think God is taking us but then something happens for example the situation your going threw and its like something that doesnt seam to have anyways to overcome it but its like a roadblock and that even tho theres a road block and we dont seem to have a way aroung it God does and if its his plan then its going to happen if you just give it to God to deal with and not try and do it on your own |
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02-22-2005, 06:29 PM
| #12 | |
| Bulldogge Administrator Joined: Jun 2001 Location: Beaverton, Or Posts: 37,721
| Quote:
use punctuation, please. Any further illegible posts of this kind will be deleted. | |
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02-22-2005, 08:22 PM
| #13 | |
| Where have I been? Joined: May 2003 Location: Dallas, Texas Posts: 1,623
| Quote:
__________________ "The unkindness of your family makes you astonished to find friendship elsewhere." ~Elinor Dashwood, Sense and Sensibility | |
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02-22-2005, 09:06 PM
| #14 |
| Me and my brother <3 Joined: Mar 2002 Location: In my Father's will Posts: 2,899
| you guys are so great, thanks for the encouragement. First of all, I should apologize, I wasn't exactly clear on everything I needed to be clear on. My parenst and I have had LONG talks on this subject, they know that we've kissed and held hands and been physically involved, although I haven't told them everything. I mean, they're my parents...they don't need to know all of it, if you get what I'm saying. And I have had many long talks with the guy about it too, and he's having a hard time with it. Even tho I'm a girl, I know a lot about guys, and what he's telling me is that it's really hard not to be able to love me and protect me like he wants to...and it makes me feel so special when he says that and I really respect him for it. He's never crossed a boundary, never said a bad thing about me or my parents, and he just is a really great guy. I'd like to thank Blindman for what he/she said about wanting to be with my friend because we've been physical. That has been an issue for me, because I don't want him to have to go through another relationship where his new gf gets mad at him for doing things with me. I'm not at the point of regret over our physicality, but I do feel bad sometimes about it. If that makes any sense at all. Anyway, it felt good just to vent and maybe get a little encouragement. I know you can't possibly understand the whole situation, but I appreciate all of you, especially Bill. I hold your opinion in high respect, and thank you for it!
__________________ So if you're waiting for love/well it's a promise I'll keep/if you don't mind believing that it changes everything/then time will never matter/ |
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02-23-2005, 06:28 AM
| #15 |
| is faith smiling! Joined: Nov 2004 Posts: 2,140
| You should talk to him about what level he sees your relationship at! Does he see it as a serious commitment or just a fun kind of thing?? If he is serious and your are serious about it, perhaps you should discuss the future, tell him your concerns and see what he has to say! |
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