[Philipe]

Hey guys, long time no see! It's been a while since I was last here, and the songwriting forum has DEFINATELY grown. Nice job guys! Anyways, this is a song I wrote a while back that needs some x-treme critiquage. If any of you have a program called Tabit, you can listen to the riff (which includes a verse and the chorus). You can get the free trial at http://www.tabit.net/ . Here's the riff download if you're interested:

http://www.phil-con.com/Petrified.tbt
Be sure you right-click it, then save it as a *.tbt* file. This includes the bass guitar, lead guitar, and lead singer ALL on 6 strings! (lol, only unregistered Tabit members will laugh at that )

Here's the song!


~Petrified~


Verse 1

Bread and butter and sunny days
Has always been casual

Then I saw your ways, yet I got lost in this haze,
I can't count the days, I've been trapped in this maze!

You're supposed to know whats better for me,
But all that you 'show' isn't there to see!

And theres no place to hide...
...

I just wanna keep running from you,
But I'm not getting anywhere fast,

Cuz theres no place to hide...
Oh, there's no place to hide! I'm so...



Chorus:

Petrified! I wanna run,
But I can't stand to run alone

I need a reason to turn
And run into your arms!

So here I'll hide, forgotten and shunned!
I'll tread the sand and look for home!

I need a reason to turn
And run into your reaching

Arms!
...

...
...


Verse 2:

You bursted through this happy life,
And I can't say you did any good

When all of the world is such a happy place, why
Can't you stay where you should?

I won't come through this dreaded life,
Yet I can't stay where I stood!

Cuz theres no place to hide...
Oh, there's no place to Hide! I'm so...



Chorus:

Petrified! I wanna run,
But I can't stand to run alone

I need a reason to turn
And run into your arms!

So here I'll hide, forgotten and shunned!
I'll tread the sand and look for home!

I need a reason to turn
And run into your reaching

Arms!
...

...
...


Verse 3:

Oh there's no place to hide!
But there's plain daylight!

I'm not gonna ball up inside!
And what am I doin' being Petrified!


Bridge x2:
(Sing "There's No Place to hide" repeatedly in the background)

You are there when I need your power
You'll lift me up into skies above!

You'll even wait 'til the eleventh hour
And let me know your endless love!



Chorus x2:

I'm not Petrified! For you I'll run, ("Arms!" On second time through)
And I won't have to run alone!

I have a reason to turn
And run into your arms!

Oh I'd never hide, from you and your Son!
I'll tread the sand and still be at home!

I have this reason to turn
And run into your reaching

(Repeat when here)

Arms!...
...Reaching

Arms!
...


Outro:

So Petrified, I wanna run,
From stains that don't go away...

So Petrified, of what I've done,
But now I'm one with your son...



©Philip Guin 2004



Comments would be greatly appreciated!

EDIT: I made the song a little less choppily entered. It looks bigger on a text pad, lol

[Philipe]

Um, you guys mind RCing please? I 4got to say that, sorry, its been a while since i was on here. If it sucks, just tell me, alright? I just want a response or I want be able to work on this

[Ordinary Sarah]

I liked it pretty well... it's a little awkward, a little quirky. I think it loses some momentum as it goes, but it could definitely be very good. Sounds folk-rock-ish.

[Philipe]

Yeah, I'm trying to work with that. A lot of the song is in the tune, too, but I guess that's not the part I asked to get judged, lol. Thx for the comment.

[Fatherladd]

think you could put a mp3 or midi on here

[Philipe]

Originally Posted by Fatherladd

think you could put a mp3 or midi on here

Actually, I was working on a MIDI a while back, i guess i 4got about it, lol. Here it is:

http://www.phil-con.com/PTRFIED.MID

The flute is the lead part, and everything else is what it is (though the drums could be better, lol). The verses and everything aren't exact, otherwise it would take me a few years to do it with the program I use, lol. However, it's accurate enough to get the general idea. You just can't read and listen at the same time

Also, if you use Quicktime to play this file, make sure that under the Music settings, you let it play under the General Midi synthesizer and NOT NO WAY NO HOW SHOULD YOU EVER use the Quicktime synthesizer, otherwise my song (along with every other MIDI file you play on it) will sound different, and in many cases messed up (certain instruments are flat on their synthesizer, thusly making it terrible ).

To change it, click on the little arrow to the very right, go to Plug-In settings, click on the scroll-down list, click on Music, and click the bubble next to General Midi. Sorry for a whole load of instructions that most of you probably didn't look at, but my song is screwed up unless you do thx to Quicktime! GAAAAAHHHH!!! Anyways, enjoy!

[Philipe]

Ok, I decided to make life simple by posting the Midi as an attachment! Yay!