[Iolakana]

Hi, Im a 16-year old girl who has lots of trouble getting along with my parents. They are strong Christians, and I am a Christian as well, trying to grown in Christ.. but the one thing holding me back is that I am often disrespectful to my parents.
It is mostly over small things, but they never listen to me. I can never do the right thing around them, and though I am extremely busy with homework, since I am the oldest of 4, I somehow get stuck with most of the cleaning/cooking around our huge farmhouse. (My parents just started a business, and work most of the time so that we do not get in financial difficulties.) So I am stressed, and they are stressed.
So anyways. I try and do everything they ask, but when they are having me do so much work, I lose my patience a little bit and say something sarcastic. They immediently ground me (I am very social , so I hate that.) They do not listen to me when I try and tell them we need to work things out.
Anything that does not agree with their standards is automatically wrong.
I have written letters, taken them to lunch and done everything to work it out. We get in huge fights too often and I can't grow in my relationship with them or God if it goes on like this.
Any advice, from adults, that I can take? They try to help, I think, but are working on trying to support the family. I am stuck with all the inside work- my brothers get some of the outside work but it is not as much.
Im so sorry if I sound like I am complaining.
I just want to know how not to lose my patience!

[exo]

Originally Posted by Iolakana

Hi, Im a 16-year old girl who has lots of trouble getting along with my parents. They are strong Christians, and I am a Christian as well, trying to grown in Christ.. but the one thing holding me back is that I am often disrespectful to my parents.

You should not be disrespectful to them. We are to honor our parents.

It is mostly over small things, but they never listen to me. I can never do the right thing around them,

Name the last time that they did listen to you and name the last time that you did the right thing around them and it was acknowledged. This will give an idea of your relationship with your parents to the rest of us (and if you can think of both instances, then you aren't as bad off as you think, huh? )

and though I am extremely busy with homework, since I am the oldest of 4, I somehow get stuck with most of the cleaning/cooking around our huge farmhouse.

With age comes responsibility. That's just the way it is.

(My parents just started a business, and work most of the time so that we do not get in financial difficulties.) So I am stressed, and they are stressed.

Matthew 6

So anyways. I try and do everything they ask, but when they are having me do so much work, I lose my patience a little bit and say something sarcastic.

I also have a problem with sarcasm. While some sarcasm is OK at times, I one day found out what it means (the purpose of sarcasm). Here's the definition of sarcasm:

sar·casm ( P ) Pronunciation Key (särkzm)
n.
A cutting, often ironic remark intended to wound.
A form of wit that is marked by the use of sarcastic language and is intended to make its victim the butt of contempt or ridicule

Not so nice, huh? As soon as I realized that sarcasm is fundamentally for the purpose of tearing down others, I began to weed it out of my life. BTW, I'm still working on it.

They immediently ground me (I am very social , so I hate that.)

As they should. Do you find it unreasonable for parents to punish their children for showing them disrespect and for treating them badly?

They do not listen to me when I try and tell them we need to work things out.

Name the last time they did listen to you.

Anything that does not agree with their standards is automatically wrong.

What standards are we talking about? Are they unreasonable? Are they sinful? Give us a specific example so we can know what you are talking about, otherwise it could range from "You have to be home by 11:00p" (reasonable) or "You have to climb Mount Everest" (unreasonable... although not sinful I don't think).

I have written letters, taken them to lunch and done everything to work it out. We get in huge fights too often and I can't grow in my relationship with them or God if it goes on like this.

Name the last bit of progress that you made with God in the recent past.

Any advice, from adults, that I can take? They try to help, I think, but are working on trying to support the family.

Hrm, you made it sound as if you have pretty awful parents, but then you say "they try to help"... so this makes me wonder...

I am stuck with all the inside work- my brothers get some of the outside work but it is not as much.
Im so sorry if I sound like I am complaining.
I just want to know how not to lose my patience!

Are your parents asking you to do anything sinful?

Are your parents doing anything sinful?

It's difficult to give advice to you without you being more specific. To be honest, you sound like a normal teenager to me, so unless you are more specific, it's going to be hard to help you out.

[jeffreywall]

As the parent of an 18 year old and a 15 year old, I can tell you that I want to guide my children in the way God wants them to go. This would include repecting others, cleaning after themselves, integrity and responsibility. No parent is perfect but most try to do their best. My advise would be to learn to deal with their imperfections as you will have to deal with imperfect people for the rest of your life. That very well could be the lesson God wants to teach you. Don't stop communicating your concerns to your parents. Eventually, they will listen. Just like parents never give up on their kids, kids shouldn't give up on their parents. I am going through a very difficult period with my 18 year old son and taking a very long look at myself and how I contributed to the situation. In the end, you can only control yourself. Learn to deal with the inconsistency and unfair treatment and you will be much better for it in the long run. God bless and I will pray for you.