[BillSPrestonEsq]

Originally Posted by FilltheEarth

I know I sound really smug to say such a thing, but I *do* know. First of all, I told her. That right there was a sign that I would not allow things to happen that shouldn't happen. Or why would I have told her?
Secondly, i am 29 years old now. I have had MANY, MANY opportunities to "let my hormones play out" in a variety of circumstances with other guys, some of which were very tempting. And yet, I have said no by the grace of God - so I do believe He would have kept me through this situation as well, and, He in such DID and HAS.

you really don't know... I just am trying to remind you that when you think your defenses are ironclad is exactly when you need to be most vigilant. You never KNOW for certain. I am very conservative as well, but you have to realize that everyone, including yourself can fall.

[FilltheEarth]

Originally Posted by BillSPrestonEsq

you really don't know... I just am trying to remind you that when you think your defenses are ironclad is exactly when you need to be most vigilant. You never KNOW for certain. I am very conservative as well, but you have to realize that everyone, including yourself can fall.

well, sure, anyone can fall... I could go out and rob a bank or murder someone, i mean, it COULD happen. But I'm pretty confident that God has control of that area of my life. You're right, I should be vigilant, but I guess what I'm saying is that I'm not a loose canon ready to go off in this way.

Heather

[Singin4Him82]

This sounds like a similar situation someone very dear to me went through. Her best friend was also good friends with her husband and also became very close to her children. They all hung out together, even on a family vacation together, the best friend was single btw. Well, after time the best friend and the husband crossed the boundries of friendship and made a major mistake. The wife had a hard time forgiving her best friend understandably so but when she finally did forgive her best friend she could not longer have her in her home. She felt very betrayed and the trust was shot between them, not only that but the couple did not want to bring temtation into their home again. Although she was forgiven that does not mean the best friend and the husband were completely free from temptation if anything they were more prone to it. The woman was wise to break ties with this woman because their friendship would never be the same again anyway.

Now just because you never had an affair doesn't mean your friend does not feel similar to how this woman felt, chances are she does feel very similar to how this woman felt. If one of my friends admitted having a crush on my husband I would obviously become very protective of him and our marriage and rightly so IMO. I don't see the need for you to be around a man who is married that you once had a crush on him, just as I don't see the need for me to hang out with a man I seriously dated before I met and married my husband. It's just not a good idea, satan would love to use something like that to create division in a Christian marriage. That would give him a perfect opportunity. I know it is tough for you to understand being single but a marriage is such a sacred thing and when something or someone threatens that sacred bond it gives all cause for cutting ties with that person or that situation. I can totally understand where this friend of yours is coming from.

I know you don't understand why she has cut ties with you but remember that just because she might have forgiven you does not mean she trusts you or feels it would be wise for you a single woman to hang out with her and her husband. You may not understand it but if you truly love your friend you need to respect it. Ask her out to lunch and try to get her to do things with just you two, don't ask to come over and hang out. Maybe if she sees you just want to do things with her alone she will begin to trust you more, but no matter what I don't think it is wise of you to go to her house or go hang out with her and her husband and you need to understand why your friend feels that way as well. Honestly though, you don't have to understand it but you do need to respect it.

[nolidad]

Anyway, thanks for the advice. I mean, the fact is that she is ULTRA sensitive in this and I suppose that is my cross to bear for what I have done, to learn to be patient and sensitive to her insecurities. But the fact is, that now she aint even talking to me cause she had some aches and pains that she felt were from me. I don't know how to diffuse this situation and help her know that I really do love her and that she can hurt me too...

Well Heather I gave you teh vinegar--now for the honey.

I know it is hard--keep loving her anyway! You have been on the right road with your acrttions since you repented and your heart attitude. Remember 1 Cor. 13 Love never fails!!! And I am convinced you are just wearied by this journey--well rest if you must refresh yourself and keep you rlove in your heart until God works in yoru friend the things He needs to work so that you may be reconciled and know even better tiomes ahead. OUr God is faithful and I know yoiu knw othat.

[FilltheEarth]

You know, I've been really thinking about this all day in between posting and reading. And I'm thinking about all the hurt i feel from the destruction of this friendship that I have worked so hard for the last 3 years or so to keep..

And about how I feel when this former "friend" doesn't want me around, but prefers having other friends around. It really hurts.

But then I realized that in her mind, I prefer having her husband around to having her around. ANd so she is perhaps feeling the same exact hurt that I'm feeling, but reversed.

And so today I have been taking a good look on ways that I might project such an idea to her. And while i REALLY don't want to admit it, (see the fun we get to have when the Holy Spirit is around? sheesh) I can see that there have been times when I have, in conversation, been much more interested in what her husband was sharing than in what she had to say (not because I have a crush on him, but just because he's a pretty good thinker.) But I can see how this would be perceived and how it would harm her heart.

Sooo...I sit here again thinking specifically of that last post about however close I might have felt towards her, that it wasnt REALLY love because love doesn't do harm..

And, then, I started thinking too about my relationship with God and how the same must be true towards Him..if I really love Him, i wouldn't compromise at all...and I suddenly see myself as intensely lukewarm, desiring God to a degree, but holding back in some way from fully persuing Him... ANd this says to me that I must not really love Him like I thought I did.

So I'm kinda stuck. I want to be innocent and I'm not. I want to love her and God and I don't. Im pretty darn guilty in this, the more I think about it.
Now what?

Heather

[nolidad]

And, then, I started thinking too about my relationship with God and how the same must be true towards Him..if I really love Him, i wouldn't compromise at all...and I suddenly see myself as intensely lukewarm, desiring God to a degree, but holding back in some way from fully persuing Him... ANd this says to me that I must not really love Him like I thought I did.

None of us do just simply because we still live in these bodies of sin and death and sometimes we choose sin over Him. But then we show our love for HIm in these situations by 1 JOhn 1:9 and acknowledge our sin.

He knows we are but dust. Always be contnet in where you are at wqith your walk in the Lord--butr never be satisfied--this will keep you from condemning yourself for your failure (which is idolatry) but serve as a motivator to keep seeking HIm and allowing HIm to fillyou more and more.

Heather I think you are on a good track./ Slow down--take some deep breaths and relax. Try not to push things too hard.
As for the situation with your friend. Let the pain be there for you. God will work it out. If you push too hard you wioll just keep driving her away. Give her the space she needs and the time she needs for God to work in her heart. Keep praying for the relationship and keep as sensitive as you can to the Holy Spirit.

The tribulation you must endure (now thats a pleasant thought isn't it?? ) Will work great glorty in your life if you let it.

Ron