[emo_boy]

Verse 1
Pass the coughdrops
or maybe something stronger
we've built resistance
the spells are getting longer
we need more than
what we've been given so far
but they keep us blind
to the truth and who we really are

Chorus
So wake up
The aftertaste is here
So get up
It's time to overcome our fear
So stand up
And find the truth to believe in
And overcome
This coughdrop addiction

Verse 2
These walls are white
in this paper box where we're detained
Marked only by their propoganda's
Blood red stain
they spred just enough
to keep us afraid
then supply us with
coughdrop safety so we stay

[freedom_fighter]

This is sweet.what type ist it? It's different which is best...really good. and no silly rhymes,... that's good.

[emo_boy]

umm, I have music for it, but I'm not sure if I'll take it in a more screamo direction or more of a pop-punk type thing. I've really been struggling with genre lately. I love both genres and want to write them both, so each song is a battle between the two loves of my life lol.
anyways, thanks.
I'm porobably going to adda bridge. It seems to need one.

[SupaNova]

Originally Posted by emo_boy

Pass the coughdrops
or maybe something stronger
we've built resistance
the spells are getting longer
we need more than
what we've been given so far
but they keep us blind
to the truth and who we really are

Cool idea with the coughdrop addiction. The last two lines seem disconnected from the rest of the verse though.

So wake up
The aftertaste is here
So get up
It's time to overcome our fear
So stand up
And find the truth to believe in
And overcome
This coughdrop addiction

Nothing really stands out to me, but the chorus is a good, simple anthem for your message.

These walls are white
in this paper box where we're detained
Marked only by their propoganda's
Blood red stain
they spred just enough
to keep us afraid
then supply us with
coughdrop safety so we stay

Okay, I just realized after reading this part that you never really hint at who "they" are. Unless you're going for a more abstract message, the situation seems fairly vague about what kind of addiction the coughdrops represent. Perhaps you might be able to remedy this in the bridge you're presumably going to write.

I can't say that this my favorite of your work, but you have the potiential for a great metaphorical song,. I'll be looking forward to any changes you end up making.

[emo_boy]

Yeah, I was really trying to go for a constant, heavy metaphor in this song. I was thinking the bridge, as you said, expound on exactly what the coughdrops are. It was my intention to leave it a little vague, but not too much that it's ungraspable.
I really had to pound this one out. I got the coughdrop idea, and how they only cover up the problem temporarily. it didn't come smooth at all. I went through 3 different idea's with this one before I settled on this idea.
Those last 2 lines at the end of the first verse are basically filler until I can work on it more. I'm thinking of putting in a pre-chorus and I'll use that to give a hint as to who "they" are.

[Skeeter]

Originally Posted by emo_boy

Verse 1
Pass the coughdrops
or maybe something stronger
we've built resistance
the spells are getting longer

First three lines are excellent, but the fourth is a little lacking.

we need more than
what we've been given so far

The simplicity of these words is in contrast to the longer words used previously. It can work, but here it seems that you could say the same thing in a more poetic fashion.

but they keep us blind
to the truth and who we really are

Who's "they"? This seems to come out of nowhere, though with a little thought it does make sense. It could use a little work to make the connection a little more clear.

Chorus
So wake up
The aftertaste is here
So get up
It's time to overcome our fear
So stand up
And find the truth to believe in
And overcome
This coughdrop addiction

The "wake up/get up/stand up" lines are stereotypical anthem lines, which isn't really a good thing. Furthermore, "here/fear" is overused and I think you could make a stronger line to replace line four. The last four lines here are quite good though. I like them.

Verse 2
These walls are white
in this paper box where we're detained
Marked only by their propoganda's
Blood red stain

Yes. Good stuff, though you haven't connected it very well to your previous thoughts in the verse and chorus.

they spred just enough
to keep us afraid
then supply us with
coughdrop safety so we stay

This song really suffers without defining who "they" are. Other than that, this is pretty good.

You have the makings of a good song here, but it needs some polishing.