How do we "know" what we "know" about relationships?

bobthecockroach · 02-05-2005, 10:46 PM

Many different people have many different opinions about relationships, but the Bible says very little about pre-marital relationships (ie. dating/courting/sparking/hiding in the bushes and snatching wives). So, here's the question, what is our source of knowledge where relationships are concerned? On what basis do we decide what is wise and what isn't?

**Sean** · 02-05-2005, 10:57 PM

The Bible
Common Sense
Experience

bobthecockroach · 02-05-2005, 11:02 PM

Well, we also have the closely related question of whether there are rights and wrongs where relationships are concerned aside from what is mentioned in the Bible. What's to say that a lifetime friendship is better than hiding in a bush and snatching a woman as she walks past(or whatever that passage Bill mentioned once was talking about)?

Any more information you could give would be greatly appreciated. I've pretty much given up on having strong opinions on relationships for now until I figure out some real solid basis for having such strong opinions.

**Sean** · 02-05-2005, 11:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bobthecockroach

Well, we also have the closely related question of whether there are rights and wrongs where relationships are concerned aside from what is mentioned in the Bible.

Depends on what you're asking. SOCIALLY there are things that are right and wrong. Certain things within our culture are socially unacceptable. For example, I'm 23, it would be socially unacceptable for me to date a 15 year old. However, in other cultures this wouldn't be uncommon at all.

But beyond things like that I really think its up to personal conviction as to how you continue. Scripture doesn't give instructions on HOW we are to find a husband or wife. Therefore, it is an area of freedom. Making absolute statements on HOW one is to date is legalism.

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What's to say that a lifetime friendship is better than hiding in a bush and snatching a woman as she walks past(or whatever that passage Bill mentioned once was talking about)?

Okay

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Any more information you could give would be greatly appreciated. I've pretty much given up on having strong opinions on relationships for now until I figure out some real solid basis for having such strong opinions.

Scripture doesn't have strong opinions on the HOW to have relationships. So there really isnt' a reason to have strong opinions. Of course, when it comes to moral issues, thats something completely different.

Singin4Him82 · 02-05-2005, 11:12 PM

I believe it all comes down to God's Will for our lives and how in each of our lives it is different. We have to seek out what that is for ourselves by praying and reading the Word. It does also have to do with common sense and experience but I think it ultimately does come down to seeking God's Will for your life.

God's Jedi · 02-05-2005, 11:15 PM

A midget named Herb who wears a kilt and lives somewhere near Boise visits us in our sleep and tells us all we ever need to know.

But you are right, the Bible says very little on this subject. So, it's like Sean said. Most of what we believe is based on experience and what we just feel is right. Everyone's opinion is different because everyone's experiences are different. Mainly, though, you just have to pray that God will let you know what is right for you.

bobthecockroach · 02-05-2005, 11:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sean

Scripture doesn't have strong opinions on the HOW to have relationships. So there really isnt' a reason to have strong opinions. Of course, when it comes to moral issues, thats something completely different.

Hmm, quite an interesting point. Thank you.

Really, what I'm getting at is things like whether the guy should ask the girl's father or not, whether the couple should kiss or not, whether casual dating is a problem or not, whether it's better to have one bf/gf or many, how long you should know each other before you start dating--things like that.

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I believe it all comes down to God's Will for our lives and how in each of our lives it is different. We have to seek out what that is for ourselves by praying and reading the Word. It does also have to do with common sense and experience but I think it ultimately does come down to seeking God's Will for your life.

Well, there's obviously different views on how God speaks to us, but rather than delve into that issue, I'll just ask a rhetorical question.

Wouldn't someone in a relationship (or considering one) likely have a bias that would make it difficult for them to find God's will?

bobthecockroach · 02-05-2005, 11:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by God's Jedi

But you are right, the Bible says very little on this subject. So, it's like Sean said. Most of what we believe is based on experience and what we just feel is right. Everyone's opinion is different because everyone's experiences are different. Mainly, though, you just have to pray that God will let you know what is right for you.

That sounds awfully relative; is that just how it is?

**Sean** · 02-05-2005, 11:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bobthecockroach

Really, what I'm getting at is things like whether the guy should ask the girl's father or not, whether the couple should kiss or not, whether casual dating is a problem or not, whether it's better to have one bf/gf or many, how long you should know each other before you start dating--things like that.

There are biblical principles that slightly touch on those subjects, but really it comes down to you and God. Its the same as issues like "Should you home school or not." You can use scripture to make your PERSONAL decision, but scripture really doesn't COMMAND one way or the other.

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Wouldn't someone in a relationship (or considering one) likely have a bias that would make it difficult for them to find God's will?

Yeah, thats why I wouldn't wait til I'm in a relationship to try and sort these sorts of things out.

But really, theres no way to completely cancel out your fleshly biases. But really, these sorts of issues can be compared to issues like "what college should I go to" "should I drop this class." Biblically there is no definate answer. They aren't moral issues. Neither are the issues you're talking about. So its really difficult to approach them with a "Does God want me to do this one or this one" mentality. You have to approach it as a humble servant trying to serve your King.

danalyn · 02-05-2005, 11:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bobthecockroach

Well, there's obviously different views on how God speaks to us, but rather than delve into that issue, I'll just ask a rhetorical question.

Wouldn't someone in a relationship (or considering one) likely have a bias that would make it difficult for them to find God's will?

this was probably directed at Delaina... but I'm gonna answer too.

I don't think so. I think the bias is there, yes. But it doesn't make it difficult to find God's will so much as in some situations tempt you to ignore it.

God's Jedi · 02-05-2005, 11:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bobthecockroach

That sounds awfully relative; is that just how it is?

Sure. Your opinion is relative to your experiences and what you feel is right. So it will be different for each of us. There is no absolute law saying relationships have to be just like this; they are always dependant on the two people involved in them.

But, I am quite heavily medicated right now. So if what I say makes no sense, ask me again tomorrow.

**Sean** · 02-05-2005, 11:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bobthecockroach

That sounds awfully relative; is that just how it is?

That is what Christian freedom makes some issues. Not everything is a moral issue. Therefore not everythign has a right or wrong answer. There simply are multiple ways to approach dating/courting/relationships. Aside from arranged marriage, none of them are biblical, but that doesn't make them contra-biblical.

At the same time, somethings aren't wise for some people. Should you kiss, hug, hold hands...well it depends on the persons involved. You can't make a biblical case saying any of them are forbiden. However, with each of those things you are taking one more step into a realm that could be dangerous. Therefore some people shouldn't partake while in a relationship. Of course you know all of htis.

Lastly, certain things aren't wise for certain ages. For example, I would say its silly for junior highers to be "dating" ...actually I find it laughable most of them. I also think that High School dating is normally futile. However, I wouldn't claim its morally wrong to date in high school, its just not wise (normally).

bobthecockroach · 02-06-2005, 12:06 AM

I don't mean to be a jerk here, but if there's "wisdom" answers to some dating issues even though there's no moral answers for them (like age), are there also wisdom answers to the "whether... or not" questions I asked above?

**Sean** · 02-06-2005, 12:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bobthecockroach

I don't mean to be a jerk here, but if there's "wisdom" answers to some dating issues even though there's no moral answers for them (like age), are there also wisdom answers to the "whether... or not" questions I asked above?

What is a "wisdom answer" really? Its really just someones opinion based on their understanding of scripture, people and relationships. So, yes there are wisdom answers to those questions. Though even those would be relative in cases. Like I said, some people can kiss and others shouldn't hold hands. It depends on the people. Thats a wisdom answer right ther.e

bobthecockroach · 02-06-2005, 12:12 AM

Well, you said dating was mostly futile in highschool; could kissing be mostly a bad idea? That's sort of what I meant.