[danalyn]

Originally Posted by sparklystuff

yeah...my now husband was 15 when we started going out, I was 14. We spend time over each other's houses with our families around. We didn't go out alone until I was 16 and he was 17. We married when I was 18 and he was 19. We were absoultely ready. Our relationship was never off and on, we lead a solid relationship. Our relationship was honored by our youth leaders, (both churches) our teachers from our school (we attended a private christian school) our parents, etc. Our peers looked up to us. For our foundation, for our stand for purity, and how we didn't completely consume ourselves in the relationship and left time for other friends. We served God through music, teaching young children in ministry, leading Bible studies, and later as assistant youth leaders. In some eyes 14 years old is WAY too young to be in a relationship. Maybe for many it would be, but I know that I was ready for a relationship. My husband has always been my counterpart. We are best friends. We fostered each other's emotion, and spiritual growth by being together all through our teen years. We essentially grew up together. So instead of meeting later in life and having to adapt to each other as completely seperate people stuck in their ways, we had the unique opportunity to grow together and meld our lives together.

I promote young dating, as long as the parties are responsible, allow family involvement, and surround themselves in Christian fellowship and peers.

Thats my take

that's excellent! And that does seem to be a responsible way to handle things... however there are so many teens who would respond to a concept like this with "That's not fair!"


I personally recommend waiting till you're older. Like Bill said "you're considering and preparing for marriage." You're really not equipped to do that at 12... 14...

[Symbiotic]

Nevertheless, these relationships are just as significant as preschool is to your education.

i never went to pre-school

[Chris]

Originally Posted by sparklystuff

I promote young dating, as long as the parties are responsible, allow family involvement, and surround themselves in Christian fellowship and peers.

Well that excludes the majority of the people I knew in high school. In all total absolute honesty, you are the exception to the rule. Most 14-16 year olds don't want their parents around when they are with their boy/girlfriend.

[Symbiotic]

i hate having my parents around....and that's because my parents like Nadine, and she likes them....so they won't shut up...and i get cut from spending time with her....

[Chris]

Originally Posted by guitarman_888

i hate having my parents around....and that's because my parents like Nadine, and she likes them....so they won't shut up...and i get cut from spending time with her....

case in point. Sorry if that sounds harsh, but that's exactly what I mean.

[unneccessary]

Originally Posted by BillSPrestonEsq

Now I don't mean to be rude, but Joshua Harris' book was not great. Also, Id much rather go with girlfriend or fiancee, than a whole explanation. Also, without an inbetween stage things can get messier, much messier. I have seen friends where one party was sure it was heading to marriage and the other thought they were just friends. It was horrid, the communication was missing.

You can date in a godly fashion, and have a girlfriend in a godly manner. Semantics don't change anything.

He was also only 19 when he wrote the book, and according to many of the more experienced and looked-up to memebers of CGR (i.e. BillSPrestonEsq, Epaphras, etc), 19 may still be too young an age to safely date, let alone write a book about it (or rather, not about it).

Originally Posted by sparklystuff

I promote young dating, as long as the parties are responsible, allow family involvement, and surround themselves in Christian fellowship and peers.

I agree with that, too. It's obviously not fool-proof, but it's definately good. The only problem is knowing just how responsible the parties are.

[sparklystuff]

Originally Posted by Chris

Well that excludes the majority of the people I knew in high school. In all total absolute honesty, you are the exception to the rule. Most 14-16 year olds don't want their parents around when they are with their boy/girlfriend.

Right, that's why I said it doesn't work for everyone. I'm not saying that I always particularly liked having my family around, but what I am saying is that by having our families there for the first part of our relationship helped us to form a relationship. We would not have been mature enough to car date, or anything else at that age. It also established trust within our families, so when we were ready to date, they were very comfortable with that.

We also talked A LOT. We lived an hour away from each other, and only saw each other two times a week within the first year. We would talk for about 2 hours every night on the phone from the time we started going out, to the time we got married. I really attribute a lot of our closeness now to those phone conversations. We covered so much ground that way, and got to know each other so well without the struggles of being alone.

I reiterate, it doesn't work for everyone. But for those people that are commited to have a godly relationship, it absoultey can.

Also, I'm probably going to get knocked down for this one, but I was preparing for marriage. at 14 and 15 years old, together, we analyzed our relationship to see whether or not a marriage was what we could gain from it. It was. We knew from a very young age that God wanted us to work in ministry together.

Originally Posted by Kevin071586

Nevertheless, these relationships are just as significant as preschool is to your education.

I resent that statement. The preschool years are the most important years developmentally for a child. How a child is educated in preschool (although not paper and pencil tasks) can determine his developmental growth for the rest of his life. Please don't say things like that.

[BillSPrestonEsq]

Originally Posted by sparklystuff

Right, that's why I said it doesn't work for everyone. I'm not saying that I always particularly liked having my family around, but what I am saying is that by having our families there for the first part of our relationship helped us to form a relationship. We would not have been mature enough to car date, or anything else at that age. It also established trust within our families, so when we were ready to date, they were very comfortable with that.

We also talked A LOT. We lived an hour away from each other, and only saw each other two times a week within the first year. We would talk for about 2 hours every night on the phone from the time we started going out, to the time we got married. I really attribute a lot of our closeness now to those phone conversations. We covered so much ground that way, and got to know each other so well without the struggles of being alone.

I reiterate, it doesn't work for everyone. But for those people that are commited to have a godly relationship, it absoultey can.

Also, I'm probably going to get knocked down for this one, but I was preparing for marriage. at 14 and 15 years old, together, we analyzed our relationship to see whether or not a marriage was what we could gain from it. It was. We knew from a very young age that God wanted us to work in ministry together.

part of my bias may be that my family is and was hostile. That killed any early relationships because I had to take them excessively serious as high costs were associated with them. I had never thought of that before. In my younger relationships, protection from my parents was a big deal. (not just romantic, friendships as well) In that sort of environment young relationships are pointless.

May I suggest that you add a statement to this "I reiterate, it doesn't work for everyone. But for those people that are commited to have a godly relationship, it absoultey can. " that would be, and have a family in which this is possible. I know a lot of people who could not do this, because family is not a safe place to trust.

It is great that you were blessed with a family you could do that with. God has blessed you greatly that way it sounds.

[sparklystuff]

Originally Posted by BillSPrestonEsq

part of my bias may be that my family is and was hostile. That killed any early relationships because I had to take them excessively serious as high costs were associated with them. I had never thought of that before. In my younger relationships, protection from my parents was a big deal. (not just romantic, friendships as well) In that sort of environment young relationships are pointless.

I would agree with that. I am sorry that you had/have such a tough family.

Originally Posted by BillSPrestonEsq

May I suggest that you add a statement to this "I reiterate, it doesn't work for everyone. But for those people that are commited to have a godly relationship, it absoultey can. " that would be, and have a family in which this is possible. I know a lot of people who could not do this, because family is not a safe place to trust.

I think that is a fair statement.

[Symbiotic]

Originally Posted by Chris

case in point. Sorry if that sounds harsh, but that's exactly what I mean.

can you elaborate?