what are the "do and donts "in a good christian relationship

underoath17 · 01-24-2005, 01:54 PM

I have a question. what are the do and donts of a christian realtionship? Like what do u guys think about holding hands and things like that?

O YEA and before anyone asks im 16.

**Skeeter** · 01-24-2005, 02:13 PM

I think the most basic guideline I can give you is avoid anything that incites lust. Obviously sex is out, but you should be careful regarding other things as well. For some people, holding hands incites lust. These people are most likely few and far between. My best advice is to take things slow. Don't rush physical intimacy. In my first and only relationship, we waited 6 months to have our first kiss. If I got into another relationship I might not wait that long, but that was the right amount of time in that relationship.

underoath17 · 01-24-2005, 02:15 PM

yea i dont plan on doing anything like that right away or soon. but i would kinda like to hold her hand.

**Skeeter** · 01-24-2005, 02:33 PM

I think you'll find very few people that are against holding hands.

Rach · 01-24-2005, 02:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Skeeter

I think you'll find very few people that are against holding hands.

I don't know. Bob is pretty conservative in that regard.

**Epaphras** · 01-24-2005, 03:25 PM

It's been said, but anything that incites lust is off-limits. I suggest making a list or general guidelines before any problems arise. My girlfriend (ForgivenPix) and I did that, and I must say it makes one cherish the other person that much more - you grow in love for the other person without the clouded judgment of "fits of passion".

_Epaphras

ForgivenPix · 01-24-2005, 03:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Epaphras

It's been said, but anything that incites lust is off-limits. I suggest making a list or general guidelines before any problems arise. My girlfriend (ForgivenPix) and I did that, and I must say it makes one cherish the other person that much more - you grow in love for the other person without the clouded judgment of "fits of passion".

_Epaphras

Yeah, this is so true.
Just make sure you both know what you will and will not do before anything happens.
-Pix

Blindman · 01-24-2005, 06:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by underoath17

I have a question. what are the do and donts of a christian realtionship? Like what do u guys think about holding hands and things like that?

Others are covering the don'ts, so here are a few dos:

DO base your relationship on grace and forgiveness, not on illusions and expectations of perfection. Christians in particular have trouble with this - all the time we often spend imagining the perfect relationship - not kissing until the wedding day, that sort of stuff - encourages us to develop unrealistic expectations, and as a result our relationships die as soon as our illusions are shattered. We should enter into relationships, not convinced that we're going to do everything perfectly, but hoping to do our best and willing to seek and give forgiveness when necessary.

DO take delight in the other person and express that delight frequently. Simple thankfulness and enjoyment of each other is basic, not just for romantic relationships, but for friendship as well. For a long time I was convinced that having Jesus meant I shouldn't need anyone else, and it made me a rather hard person to love because I _refused_ to respond with thankfulness when others showed love to me. I thought that doing so would be an admission that I wasn't seeking my identity in God.

DO be real with each other. The temptation when you're attracted to someone is to pretend to be better than you are and to hide your faults to win their approval. But that's a bad basis for any real relationship.

DO pray together. That's the most basic form of Christian fellowship - more important than Bible study or doctrinal debate or church attendance or anything else - and if you can't share that with your significant other, then you'll feel very isolated and alone no matter how much you share in other areas of your life.

**Skeeter** · 01-24-2005, 07:04 PM

Thank you for posting that Blindman. I was negligent in not doing something similar. It is better to focus on the dos than to concentrate on the don'ts.

bowstaff981 · 01-24-2005, 07:58 PM

my pastor says that if you make up your mind ahead of time that you will never do something (ex: have sex, or make out etc. until you're married) then satan will have a much harder time tempting you into doing so.

bobthecockroach · 01-24-2005, 08:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rach

I don't know. Bob is pretty conservative in that regard.

Haha, my reputation precedes me.

I have no more against holding hands than I do against kissing. Both need to be balanced with an appropriate level of commitment, maturity and wisdom. I'd say that in most dating relationships among 17+ year olds there is enough commitment, maturity and wisdom for holding hands. I don't think the appropriate levels are there too often in relationships before that point, though.

Nate · 01-24-2005, 08:26 PM

I don't think you should even look at your girlfriend, as that might incite lust.

No... just kidding, and no offense meant to anyone.

A list of dos and don'ts doesn't do anything for you (I hope that was as clear as mud). That's my personal opinion / experience. Trying to come up with such a list is an exercise in futility.

In His love,
Nate

SamR · 01-24-2005, 08:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blindman

DO take delight in the other person and express that delight frequently. Simple thankfulness and enjoyment of each other is basic, not just for romantic relationships, but for friendship as well. For a long time I was convinced that having Jesus meant I shouldn't need anyone else, and it made me a rather hard person to love because I _refused_ to respond with thankfulness when others showed love to me. I thought that doing so would be an admission that I wasn't seeking my identity in God.

Very sound advice, in the devotion my g/f and I just finished, one of the chapters was focusing on thanking your significant other for being there for you. It really changes your perspective when you start thanking the other person and it means a great deal when you hear them thanking you for being there.

Quote:

Originally Posted by blindstaff981

my pastor says that if you make up your mind ahead of time that you will never do something (ex: have sex, or make out etc. until you're married) then satan will have a much harder time tempting you into doing so

While it is very good to make commitments before you encounter the situation, don't expect the temptation to never come up. I'm still waiting on a cure for the temptation to have sex.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nate

I don't think you should even look at your girlfriend, as that might incite lust.

I'm not looking at my g/f or holding her hand til the altar. Also, just kidding, no intention to offend

**redbaron** · 01-24-2005, 09:32 PM

remember to treat him or her (depending on your respective gender) with the utmost respect. In fact, I have two rules:

1) If things don't work out, a good friendship is a required thing to have left. It is not impossible.

2) Treat him or her like they might be someone else's spouse. Until you get to that altar, they could marry someone else, and how would you like it if 'x' person did such-and-such a thing with your future spouse? Perhaps that's an extreme, but it's not a bad way to look at things.

Eriol · 01-24-2005, 10:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bowstaff981

my pastor says that if you make up your mind ahead of time that you will never do something (ex: have sex, or make out etc. until you're married) then satan will have a much harder time tempting you into doing so.

My old youth pastor said very much the same, saying if you don't have a gameplan ready before you enter the situation, it'll be much harder to stop. You need to know the boundaries before you get there.