[BillSPrestonEsq]

Originally Posted by Kato

Thank you!! That is very true. My current girlfriend, I didn't think she was pretty when we were only best friends, but as my feelings grew for her, so did I how she looked. Now-- I think she's the prettiest girl I know, is she really? Probably not. But, There's still a physical attraction there simply because of my feelings for her.

I disagree to a slight degree. She really is to you, as my fiancee is to me. Beauty is not objective that way. What you see as pretty is not an objective thing. Blonde or brunette... neither is truly suerior, but I like blonde better. (read, I am marrying one)

You can say it is important, but to be honest, I think that is putting it backwards. Physical attraction is a result of love. Physical attraction that is causal to a relationship is usually lust. Physical attraction as a result of love is hard to control as well, but ultimatelly, what you see as beauty will change.

[Yojimbo]

I think it's definitely true that you find someone more beautiful the more you get to know them/fall in love with them. On the other hand, I think that goes for all qualities. An annoying giggle or quirky sense of humor may become charming after knowing a person for a long time and knowing what makes them laugh.

[Yojimbo]

And to get back on topic, I like brunettes, shorter-than-shoulder length hair, thin waists, good curves, medium-full lips, and narrow noses, low melodious voice, big eyes, and well-maintained eyebrows.

[Yoda_me07]

basically.. this is what i want..

forgiving
Growing Christian
patient
attractive.
intelligent
funny ( I HATE SILENT GIRLS )
sweet
nice
doesnt gossip much.
doesnt take drugs including.... consuming alcahol for like.. thanks giving, or christmas is ok... but not like.. drunk every day or two..
doesnt winge or complain much.
must be a virgin, or.. if she was raped of something.. thats ok.
sensitive


must be like.. a mirror of me in hobbies and intrests.. ( eg. like rock, soft rock, punk, ska... play instruments.. like animals, etc etc.)

[bobthecockroach]

Originally Posted by Yoda_me07

must be a virgin, or.. if she was raped of something.. thats ok.

Does love keep a record of wrongs?

I'm not saying you should marry someone who's sexually active, but if someone has sinned sexually but has repented of it and is now living a pure life, why should their sin be held against them?

[Yoda_me07]

Originally Posted by bobthecockroach

Does love keep a record of wrongs?

I'm not saying you should marry someone who's sexually active, but if someone has sinned sexually but has repented of it and is now living a pure life, why should their sin be held against them?

oh yeah..
i get where your comin from..
yeah..thats ok too.

[exo]

Originally Posted by Yojimbo

And to get back on topic, I like brunettes, shorter-than-shoulder length hair, thin waists, good curves, medium-full lips, and narrow noses, low melodious voice, big eyes, and well-maintained eyebrows.

You must like Angelina Jolie.

My wife does not have all the features on my 'list', but she has all the important ones (to some degree). As we've been married, though, we've come to go towards the 'middle' meaning that my interests/personality/thoughts/behavior are becoming closer to hers and vice versa. Marriage is hard work whether you married the 'perfect' person or not.

[BillSPrestonEsq]

yeah, I am getting married in 127 days.

I know if you asked me for a list in high school, I would have described someone far more like me, and also very different physically. She is a dancer from a wealthy background... ... contrast that with me.

Anyone who knows anything of my background will realize that I am of a different background completely. Also, in high school I liked thin, brunettes with green eyes. I am marrying a pretty blonde with blue eyes who can easily pick me up on her back and carry me for a ways. (I weigh 185) i say that to note that she is not exactly of a small build.

I really didnt like back then or think I would a lot of things which I have since grown to love about her.

Hence, I think these lists are merely excersizes in breeding malcontentment.

I feel like I really found the perfect girl for me, but had I attempted to formulate what that would have been before we started dating, I would have been taken aback, looked at my list, and seen strong Christian, and female as the only parts she met. yet now, I would not trade her for anything or anyone.

[RockOn28]

That's a very good point, Bill. What I find humorous though, is that your fiance sounds somewhat like the girls that I am interested in. But, being 17, I have come to understand that God knows what my heart needs more than I do. Therefore, I may end up marrying a thin, brunette with green eyes.

In essence, what I'm trying to say is that it really doesn't matter what WE want. God knows who is going to be a perfect fit for us and, while it takes work, marriage will be God's way of showing us how much He loves us by picking our perfect mate. "We find love not by finding the perfect person, but by seeing an imperfect person perfectly."

[God'sguitarist]

Originally Posted by Kato

I don't like the whole tendancy of "I look for this/that" because then you start going "hmm, he/she doesn't have this, so there not good enough". So what do I look for? God's will leading me towards her.

I must disagree. You need to have standards and you need to look for those qualities in a potential partner. I mean, it's okay to say that someone isn't good enough for you. Don't get me wrong, physically you should NOT have this mind set, but if they don't have the values or qualities you know that you would like then or need then it's okay to say that you deserve better. Because sometimes you really do. But I agree, that God will lead you to that person, just make sure that your communications with Him is clear and not your own will saying this is the one.

Don't settle for less than God's best!

Kelsey

[BillSPrestonEsq]

Originally Posted by God'sguitarist

I must disagree. You need to have standards and you need to look for those qualities in a potential partner. I mean, it's okay to say that someone isn't good enough for you. Don't get me wrong, physically you should NOT have this mind set, but if they don't have the values or qualities you know that you would like then or need then it's okay to say that you deserve better. Because sometimes you really do. But I agree, that God will lead you to that person, just make sure that your communications with Him is clear and not your own will saying this is the one.

Don't settle for less than God's best!

Kelsey

Now, I disagree strongly with the checklist mentality.

An idea of a person who loves God is important, and a command. But going beyond that into personality type and apearance, and interests, you really don't know what you like.

You deserve death and hell. You do not even deserve companionship. Thus to say you deserve better is thinking of yourself more highly than you ought actually.

My point is that there have been 2 girls I really liked. The one was everything I thought I wanted. A heart for God, a love of the same sort of music, a love of working with the poor and needy, and a spine of steel.

We never dated. We were good friends, but in truth, we were too alike, and both had the same dark and moody streak.

Now my fiancee is the type of girl I would never have thought of dating early on. A ball of fire with a quick wit, and a quick, sharp tongue, an intense love for kids, a love for God, and a desire to serve, but scared spitless of things I considered ordinary. However, she was exactly what I needed, one who balances me out. She is caution and I am danger. That is not to say when things get tough her mettle is not metal. After all, she has been escorted out of a middle eastern country for sharing the gospel.

In short, if I had abided by my list, I would have gone out with the girl like me. In the beginning she seemed like such a better fit. However, if I had said of my fiancee, way back then 6.5 years ago, that I deserved better, (and I well could have) then I would not be who I am today, with a woman I love and care for so very much who completes me.

In values standards are good. In most qualities, setting up a checklist of qualities you "need" is just setting you up for heartache.

[DJ Kirby]

Originally Posted by BillSPrestonEsq

Now, I disagree strongly with the checklist mentality.

Ok.

An idea of a person who loves God is important, and a command. But going beyond that into personality type and apearance, and interests, you really don't know what you like.

True.

You deserve death and hell. You do not even deserve companionship. Thus to say you deserve better is thinking of yourself more highly than you ought actually.

Check and mate.

My point is that there have been 2 girls I really liked. The one was everything I thought I wanted. A heart for God, a love of the same sort of music, a love of working with the poor and needy, and a spine of steel.

Intresting.

We never dated. We were good friends, but in truth, we were too alike, and both had the same dark and moody streak.

You guys were that much alike... weird...

Now my fiancee is the type of girl I would never have thought of dating early on. A ball of fire with a quick wit, and a quick, sharp tongue, an intense love for kids, a love for God, and a desire to serve, but scared spitless of things I considered ordinary. However, she was exactly what I needed, one who balances me out. She is caution and I am danger. That is not to say when things get tough her mettle is not metal. After all, she has been escorted out of a middle eastern country for sharing the gospel.

This is very interesting. Very good example too. I'd like to hear more of this story.

In short, if I had abided by my list, I would have gone out with the girl like me. In the beginning she seemed like such a better fit. However, if I had said of my fiancee, way back then 6.5 years ago, that I deserved better, (and I well could have) then I would not be who I am today, with a woman I love and care for so very much who completes me.

Like I said, very interesting story and I'm glad that you got to experience this so you could use it for this. It serves your point well.

In values standards are good. In most qualities, setting up a checklist of qualities you "need" is just setting you up for heartache.

Agreed.

[bobthecockroach]

In light of Bill's usual rightness, I feel the need to refine/explain my list.

Big things:
Christian
Loving (value)
Respectful (value)
Self-disciplined (value)
Good priorities (value)
Common sense/rational mind (value? I think it is)
Good listener (value? relationship value at least, communication is important, right?)
Conservative (not politics but demeanor/dress/morals/etc) (I see this as a value, though others may see it as picky. I think it's closely related to ideas of modesty, gentleness and other such "softer" virtues)
Wants a family (it seems this would be an important issue)

Smaller things:
Laid-back (I like to sit around and talk, but I suppose this could be an area where a balance would be more helpful than a copy)
Good conversationalist (same explanation)
Good sense of humor (this almost ties in with the next part...)
Interest in things I'm interested in (I'd like someone that I can talk to about weird things like programming prime number finding algorithms without them being like, "ok, yeah, whatever... now about this other thing...")
...will at least pretend to be interested in things I'm interested in (see above )
......will be convincing about such pretending (see above )
Able/willing to think critically (kinda like common sense) (I think this is an important part of being a mature person... and maturity is a value )
Pretty (a word I greatly prefer to beautiful, hot, gorgeous, or the like) (This is something that will most likely come as a result of my liking them anyway... so I suppose it's not even worth mentioning)
Frugal (I am NOT cheap ) (I think this is a value... good stewardship or something )
Reformed theology change that to similar stances on fundamental doctrines
Conservative politics (my political views are based on my values)
Does not use the silent treatment, ever (I see the silent treatment as unloving to be perfectly honest)
Does not feel the need to make me figure things out on my own but gives honest answers (same thing)

Things I'd just find cool:
(see title)
Sings or plays an instrument
Likes cold weather, nighttime, pretty lights, or cityscapes
...or even better, all three simultaneously
Can count to 4 (see above, figured I just wouldn't fix my "typo")
Can get excited/happy about little things
Enjoys board and card games
Doesn't want a diamond engagement ring
...even better, doesn't even care about rings
Likes similar foods/beverage as me (coffee!!!!)