wrong?

ryanxxxx · 01-08-2005, 04:15 PM

im 14

is it wrong for me to have a girlfreind even if we dont do anything
if i know that she is the girl i will marry
????

i seriously need help on this one

***BillSPrestonEsq*** · 01-08-2005, 04:43 PM

might I ask a more pertinent question?

That would be, Why? You do not know you will marry this girl, and long dating periods are brutally painful.

Wrong? not if you don't get into lust and such, but frankly everybody thinks they are strong there where everyone truly is weak.

ryanxxxx · 01-08-2005, 04:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BillSPrestonEsq

might I ask a more pertinent question?

That would be, Why? You do not know you will marry this girl, and long dating periods are brutally painful.

Wrong? not if you don't get into lust and such, but frankly everybody thinks they are strong there where everyone truly is weak.

the reason i know she is the girl i will marry is becaus my youth pastor said we need to make alist of everything that we are looking for in a wife/husband and not to lower our expectations and god will provide

well long story short

she meets every expectation and she said the same thing to me and yea thats about it

so what should i do?

***BillSPrestonEsq*** · 01-08-2005, 04:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ryanxxxx

the reason i know she is the girl i will marry is becaus my youth pastor said we need to make alist of everything that we are looking for in a wife/husband and not to lower our expectations and god will provide

well long story short

she meets every expectation and she said the same thing to me and yea thats about it

so what should i do?

well, first of all... your list of expectations is not a good thing and will not determine who you marry.

You are imperfect and will marry an imperfect girl.

A long time ago, back when I was your age, my list of what I was looking for would have been ridiclously different. Now, as an engaged guy 9 years older I want to have you seriously think about a few things.

First is your age, and what a practical marrying age would be. I'll say 21 as it is young, but you could probably pull it off at least. That is seven years away. Seven years ago you were seven years old. You have even more maturing in the next seven years than the last. I am not ripping on you at all, but high school, getting out of high school, picking a career, and starting it will make you into a very different man than you are today.

She will have all these as well.

May I ask you what your list was?

Legolas · 01-08-2005, 05:00 PM

There are so many things that could happen that would prevent you two from being married. In the time it would take before you are old enough to be married, you will both undergo many changes.

Ack, I type too slow, Bill covered all the bases I wanted to.

Ryan Akers · 01-08-2005, 05:20 PM

Listen to Bill...he's a very smart man....and I fully agree with what he says....14 to age 22-25 will be so dramatically different. You will change so much. Not saying it is impossible for you to marry this girl, but highly unlikely...

Jas de F · 01-08-2005, 05:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ryanxxxx

im 14

is it wrong for me to have a girlfreind even if we dont do anything
if i know that she is the girl i will marry
????

i seriously need help on this one

Everyone else has offered great advice so far...

But I wanted to say that it *is* possible to be only 14 and know and be right about who you're going to marry. However, it's *very* unlikely. I speak from experience when I say your "certainty" about who you're going to marry is probably going to change *multiple* times between now and your actual marriage. In the 5 years since I was 14 there've probably been *thinks* 4 different girls that I was at different times certain I was going to marry. More if you count from age 10 or so.

If I were you, I wouldn't place too much confidence in your own certainty about this issue. At least, not yet.

Nate · 01-08-2005, 06:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ryanxxxx

is it wrong for me to have a girlfreind even if we dont do anything
if i know that she is the girl i will marry
????

It is not wrong to have a girlfriend, regardless of whether you "know that she is the girl [you] will marry." It is, however, very unwise to have a girlfriend at your age, also regardless of whether you "know that she is the girl [you] will marry."

That's about as simple as I think I can make it.

In His love,
Nate

Chris · 01-09-2005, 12:25 AM

ryanxxxx - I don't want this to sound rude but, how do you know that this list is the standard by which to decide who you're going to marry? If I could have made up a list two and a half years ago of everything I was looking for in a wife, my wife would have only fulfilled half of it. And I bet I would have fulfilled less than half of hers had she done one. But we love each other and are meant for each other none the less.

When I was 14 I was a much different person than I was at the end of high school. Five years and I was a completely different person. You're going to undergo the same changes and you too will be a whole new person. And that list you have now? It too will be gone with your old life.

My advice? well it's not so clear cut this time. I'd advise you to think about what I've said, as well as what everyone else has said. Infact if you only pay attention to one person listen to BillSPrestonEsq. He is by far the wisest in here.

danalyn · 01-09-2005, 12:53 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ryanxxxx

the reason i know she is the girl i will marry is becaus my youth pastor said we need to make alist of everything that we are looking for in a wife/husband and not to lower our expectations and God will provide

well long story short

she meets every expectation and she said the same thing to me and yea thats about it

*reminiscing* I made one of those lists when I was 16. It included spiritual-ish stuff, as well as personal (physical) preference.

4 years later, I entered my first dating relationship. That's right. I was 20. And Chris was nothing like what I'd thought I wanted. Fast forward a couple years and we're married.

**Skeeter** · 01-09-2005, 03:16 PM

Trust me, what you want, desire, and need in a girl will drastically change. Lists are stupid.

1twelve2 · 01-09-2005, 04:30 PM

Along with what Danalyn said, I'm nearly 20 and I have never entered a dating relationship. And at first it wasn't by choice, but now it is by choice, now that I am so much wiser than before in high school (and turst me when I say that just cuz I didn't officially date, I didn't have my own share of high school boy drama). my dating creedo can be found in I Gave Dating A Chance--and my thoughts on whether or not you should date and such have been stated pretty well already