How to get closer

McFly · 01-04-2005, 05:15 PM

I'm sure more than one person is in the same situation as me, so i thought i'd throw it out there. There's this girl that I've known for about four years and i've always been somewhat interested in her. Just last year we became friends and such and it turns out she's really cool, she has the same interests as me and is just an all around good kid. I can't seem to get past being just a regular friend though. I'm not interested in dating her, I just wanted advice on how to become better friends with her, I've never had any really good friends that are girls just because I didn't want to end up in a complicated relationship, but I'm positive that this wouldn't end up that way. I'm just looking for advice on how to become better friends with girls without dating them.

exo · 01-04-2005, 06:36 PM

I actually find that it's difficult to become *very* good friends with someone of the opposite sex. Why? Because I begin to become attracted to them. This is a very natural occurence, but at the same time is dangerous (especially now that I am married).

So, what I am saying is that God designed us to be partnered up. This is why it is natural for us to become attracted to someone that we are emotionally intimate with. Is it possible to be really good friends with a woman without the 'love' part? Sure it is. It is improbable, but it is possible.

Man of God · 01-04-2005, 09:03 PM

I feel your pain brother. I met a girl in the last couple of weeks whom I was initially attracted to. I'm in a year long ministry school right not that doesn't allow dating though and God told me before this even that He wanted me to hold off on relationships for now. The question I ask, and I think only God can answer, is if it's possible to be friends with a wonderful girl who seems to desire friendship without getting my heart involved. I desire to follow God's call, but I also desire to have Godly friendships with girls as well as guys. So if nothing else, I think I can relate in wondering how to develope a friendship with nothing more.

McFly · 01-05-2005, 07:59 PM

thanks to the two guys who've replied. i can't remember the name of him but i'll call him guy #1. I know what your saying about how it's improbable to seek out a purely friendship relationship with a girl, but when I talk to her it's not like when I talk to other girls, I don't feel the same physicall attraction towards her that I do to other girls. Hopefully some more people will reply.

theekevy · 01-06-2005, 08:46 AM

Brother, I can relate. I've been best friends with a girl for three years, and we've neve dated. I think the key is to not make her become the center of your relationships. Explaination: don't always hang out with her, have a Guy's Night Out and stuff, hang out with different girls (but be careful with this one). You guys can be best friends AND have other friends too. You can go to the movies and not call it a date, just a casual visit. My friend and I even went to the prom together, but it was just as friends. I could go on for awhile, but I think you got the idea. Having girls as good/best friends is really cool, but you have to be careful. God bless.

exo · 01-06-2005, 12:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by McFly

thanks to the two guys who've replied. i can't remember the name of him but i'll call him guy #1. I know what your saying about how it's improbable to seek out a purely friendship relationship with a girl, but when I talk to her it's not like when I talk to other girls, I don't feel the same physicall attraction towards her that I do to other girls. Hopefully some more people will reply.

Another problem, though, is her potential attraction to you. Most of us have had others that 'liked' us but we did not return those feelings. Again, that is the natural way of things.

As to your original question, I don't think anyone can give you the 'Three Steps to Becoming Closer with Someone of the Opposite Sex'. If you are looking for how to get closer to her without being romantic... again, I don't think anyone can give you the magical answer to that. It either will happen or it won't. You are asking a question on how to accomplish something that goes against the very nature with which God created us.

goldenchild · 01-08-2005, 02:31 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by McFly

I'm sure more than one person is in the same situation as me, so i thought i'd throw it out there. There's this girl that I've known for about four years and i've always been somewhat interested in her. Just last year we became friends and such and it turns out she's really cool, she has the same interests as me and is just an all around good kid. I can't seem to get past being just a regular friend though. I'm not interested in dating her, I just wanted advice on how to become better friends with her, I've never had any really good friends that are girls just because I didn't want to end up in a complicated relationship, but I'm positive that this wouldn't end up that way. I'm just looking for advice on how to become better friends with girls without dating them.

Guess what man, my best friend of like 7 years is female. We did start dating for a few months but I decided that I wasn't planning on marrying(long story

) so we went back to being friends and it continues to this day. I'd say just make sure that you two are on the same page about where the relationship is. You want to stay friends, but maybe she doesn't. You might want to clear this up first. Maybe eventually it will turn into something bigger. And if you fall in love with you're best friend, then maybe this is a marriage that could be very successful.

DroppedNeedle · 01-08-2005, 06:39 PM

man, been there. i met this girl here at college and she's awesome, but she didn't like me like i liked her, so i had to let it go and just be friends. it is hard though, because i would like to be with her. so, we still remain friends. now, there's this other girl who won't leave me be. she asks me out all the time and calls me a lot, but i just don't feel what she wants me to feel. i don't ignore her, but i've learned not to lead her on. i just hope that someday she accepts the fact that i just want to be her friend. girls can be tricky, but they really like it when guys can just talk to them about their feelings. lesley was glad that i told her that i liked her. she said she felt better knowing that she wasn't guessing whether or not i liked her. don't know if i helped, man. dn

lizwrenne · 01-12-2005, 05:59 PM

if you want to be friends, and friends only, you should tell her...you can say how much you enjoy being with her, how you think she's an awesome person, and that you want to get to know her better. but make sure that she knows you don't want a relationship with her...or at least not now. if you just talk it through, i am sure that she would not say no to getting to know a guy better. unless you are a jerk, and i highly doubt that.