[mikeman4christ]

Originally Posted by Nathanael

I've been in a long distance relationship with a girl I met during the summer in Kansas. It was the first real relationship I've ever been in, and things are going really well.

She's just finishing highschool and emailed me tell me she's looking at colleges here in connecticut. She told me about how she'd like to be closer to me assuming our relationship progressed. She also doesn't really want to come here but she wants to get away from where she's at, for various reasons... and "being near (me) is the only other place (she'd) want to be". If she came out here she said she'd have to live on campus for the first year.

I don't really want her to come out here for several reasons.

1. We are both still young, I'm 20 and she's 18 (19 in march). I'm not ready for the relationship to go any farther than it is (good friends, comunicate by email/phone/letters). We exchanged gifts this christmas. I'll probably see her this summer when I go back out there. I don't want a wife yet, but it's nice thinking of her as a "sort of girl friend", however the point where we would safely go further is a long ways off and I want to back off and keep my options open for whatever might happen.

2. There are not very many good churches out here that she could go to. I wouldn't reccomend she go to mine for many different reasons. Spiritualy she'd be far better off in the chruch where she is.

3. The only reason she wants to come out here is to be around me. She'd be without her friends and the relationships she has back in Kansas. I feel like she's been blinded by an affection for me that I probably led on too much. I never said "love" or anything like that, but I like to flirt... and yes, I guess I teased. I feel really bad about it now.

I need a way to tell her how it would be far better for her stay where she is, or at least not travel 1000 miles to a place where she has no relationships other than me, no really good churches, and a very secular and worldly atmosphere where she could easily fall to sin or entice me to it. It'd just be bad for both of us, and we need to cool down.

She hasn't spoken to her pastor yet, who I know very well. He's a very good guy, and will probably know just what to say.

I think this is all in the theororetical stage of her mind right now, before she re-examines it and realizes all the problems. Or at least I hope to god she does. I don't want to be the bad guy here.

Help plz.

can someone plz tell me why 20 is too young for a relationship!?!?!? i dont get why on this site everone is like "oh your 17? woah ur wicked young you dont need to consider relationships." i understand i was upset when my best friend got a girlfriend when he was in 5th grade, but 17,18,19,20!?!? come on your getting close to times where people are married, not considering relationships.

[BillSPrestonEsq]

Originally Posted by mikeman4christ

can someone plz tell me why 20 is too young for a relationship!?!?!? i dont get why on this site everone is like "oh your 17? woah ur wicked young you dont need to consider relationships." i understand i was upset when my best friend got a girlfriend when he was in 5th grade, but 17,18,19,20!?!? come on your getting close to times where people are married, not considering relationships.

Because it just leads to heartbreak. You might do well to consider that most of us who say this are just trying to keep you from suffering as we did. 20 is a sight different than 17. I wouldnt bat an eye, at a 20 year old couple, or an 18 year old post-high school dating relationship.

[exo]

Originally Posted by mikeman4christ

can someone plz tell me why 20 is too young for a relationship!?!?!? i dont get why on this site everone is like "oh your 17? woah ur wicked young you dont need to consider relationships." i understand i was upset when my best friend got a girlfriend when he was in 5th grade, but 17,18,19,20!?!? come on your getting close to times where people are married, not considering relationships.

Because some of us have had that experience and are trying to keep you from the heartache and eventual problems in your marriage that will result. I still struggle with my dating past and I'm almost 30!

[swtMaebird]

Hi!
This thread reminds me of a relationship that I just got out of.
It was short but not very sweet. The guy I was seeing wanted me to be his 'girlfriend'. I finally called him one night and told him we needed to back off of that kind of relationship.
He really didn't get it.
So I went through the whole speech again, only this time a lot firmer.
It would have been so easy to just lie to him and say, 'hey, maybe someday'
He didn't want someday, and being 'just friends' didn't seem to click with him, since that phone conversation was the last I had with him.
My only regret is that I wasn't as honest earlier.

Goodness.... I sure am ranting.
What I mean to say is: be honest above all else. Tell her exactly what you feel in your heart. If you think that being friends is all you can or must do for now, tell her that... and be prepared for any reaction you may get.
Anyway, God bless!

[BillSPrestonEsq]

Originally Posted by swtMaebird

Hi!
This thread reminds me of a relationship that I just got out of.
It was short but not very sweet. The guy I was seeing wanted me to be his 'girlfriend'. I finally called him one night and told him we needed to back off of that kind of relationship.
He really didn't get it.
So I went through the whole speech again, only this time a lot firmer.
It would have been so easy to just lie to him and say, 'hey, maybe someday'
He didn't want someday, and being 'just friends' didn't seem to click with him, since that phone conversation was the last I had with him.
My only regret is that I wasn't as honest earlier.

Goodness.... I sure am ranting.
What I mean to say is: be honest above all else. Tell her exactly what you feel in your heart. If you think that being friends is all you can or must do for now, tell her that... and be prepared for any reaction you may get.
Anyway, God bless!

You sound like my fiancee when she broke up with me a long time ago... Saying never is a dangerous thing because you don't know what the future holds at all...

Your post made me smile in that sense.

[PaidInFull]

I dont know what has gone on since he wrote last. But heres my .2 cents worth. You're 20, she's almost 19. Isn't that the best time to start forming a lasting relationship? If shes right with God, and you are, then why not grow with each other? You're 20, so Im guessing your in college, if you graduate in 2 years with BA, you should be able to find a good job, about that time she will be at 2 years, you could help her through the last two. If shes borrowing phones to call you long distance then I would say she LOVES you, not likes you. Treat that like 300 year old crystal. Is it that you are afraid of commitment? Or her? If some 19 year old girl is in Love with you, then you must be doing something right. Let her decide which college to go to, weither it be close to you or not. Do you not like her or love her? Whats your hold up? Its not like you guys are 15 and 16. Think like an adult, not a kid.

[swtMaebird]

Originally Posted by BillSPrestonEsq

You sound like my fiancee when she broke up with me a long time ago... Saying never is a dangerous thing because you don't know what the future holds at all...

Your post made me smile in that sense.

True... in a way... but not in my situation. This thread only reminded me of my little problem.. that's really about all. I knew the guy for a very short time, and he was pushing. He was willing to back off.... for less than 36 hours. I later learned that he goes through a girlfriend every few months, and in all honesty, he knew all the lines and tried them too!
He is a sweet guy, with alot of potential, but not for me.
So in short, saying never this time was entirely accurate.
God bless!

[BillSPrestonEsq]

Originally Posted by swtMaebird

True... in a way... but not in my situation. This thread only reminded me of my little problem.. that's really about all. I knew the guy for a very short time, and he was pushing. He was willing to back off.... for less than 36 hours. I later learned that he goes through a girlfriend every few months, and in all honesty, he knew all the lines and tried them too!
He is a sweet guy, with alot of potential, but not for me.
So in short, saying never this time was entirely accurate.
God bless!

maybe, but if you asked my fiancee she would have said that, and she pushed me away for over 2 years where we hardly spoke. The irony is, everytime I say never, it seems God changes the situation around. She thought I was pushing when in reality I was emotionally drowning and clinging to her as my hope. God took her away till I learned the hard way to trust him. I just think its funny because she thought never, said never... 6 years later we are almost married. Its not that I think it will happen to you, just a memory of the subtle irony God used in my life. (make any sense now?)

[SamR]

Nathanael, might I ask what part of Kansas she's from?