So...how long?

**Skeeter** · 12-29-2004, 02:40 AM

I've been asking this question of various people and I thought I'd ask it here: how long would you say is an appropriate waiting period after breaking up with someone to consider dating again?

smhatahy · 12-29-2004, 02:43 AM

the next day

Shredcheddar · 12-29-2004, 08:00 AM

I haven't had any "serious" relationships yet, so I don't know.

I'll give you the vague (but possibly the correct answer) "Whenever you're ready."

jump4joy07 · 12-29-2004, 08:30 AM

I agree. I have been in a serious relationship, and you can't set an exact time on any one person. Everyone bounces back from things differently. Wait until you think you are ready and until God would have you date again. Pray about it, and God will guide you in your decision.

God's Jedi · 12-29-2004, 09:40 PM

According to Sports Night, it's either 90 days or 60 days.

bobthecockroach · 12-29-2004, 09:57 PM

I'd figure at least 2 weeks... preferably at least a month. One, it seems rather rude to the person you broke up with to get someone else right away. Two, it's hard to tell whether your head is totally clear yet. So, if you start feeling attracted to someone and you think that they'd be a good match for you, wait for 2 weeks, a month, or longer (probably best to wait a few months) and see if you still have the same thoughts. Whenever you're ready is probably actually the best answer, but I'd still wait about a month simply out of respect for your former partner.

Dr. Worm · 12-29-2004, 10:03 PM

There is slightly more at stake here than just "whenever you're ready". If you break up with someone, and then a week later start dating their best friend, even if you're ready, it looks bad and it causes unnecessary pain. Even if they don't know the person you start dating, even if you're "ready", you should allow for some healing time for both yourself and your ex.

Chris · 12-29-2004, 11:15 PM

Give plenty of time. Getting into another relationship too soon after another (especially if it was a long term commited-type relationship) is a good way to get into trouble. You're not emotionally stable at that point and you'll only end up hurt. I don't think there's a set time but just allow plenty of time for you and, as Dr. Worm said, your ex to heal. After that, give it about another month to be absolutely sure.

Opie · 12-29-2004, 11:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Akshay

the next day

Praisey · 12-29-2004, 11:56 PM

if the relationship wasn't that serious... waiting a month or 2 would be good... but as they all say, it all depends on when you're ready.

but let's say the relationship was serious and long term... waiting a year before you start dating again will give you enough time to heal, to contemplate on what happened (why it didn't work) and to give you enough time to grow as a person.

**Skeeter** · 12-30-2004, 02:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by God's Jedi

According to Sports Night, it's either 90 days or 60 days.

Hahahaha...I watched that episode just a little while ago. Got some knowing glances from a friend of mine. Anyways...

Here's the deal. About a month and a half ago my girlfriend broke up with me for reasons that I completely agree with. It was probably the friendliest breakup of all time. We're still great friends and there's not really any residual feelings of either love or anger. The reasons were simple: we're simply not right for each other. We loved each other and had a wonderful relationship, but the two of us together just didn't work. We dated for a year, and it was fairly serious. We both agreed that the purpose of dating was to discover if we were right for each other to get married. In that respect I consider our relationship a success. We figured out that we weren't right for each other.

I decided at that point that I was ready to be single again. I needed to keep up with school and I realized that I'd been neglecting some of my other friendships. I was looking forward to being single for a while. In some ways, I still am.

So I had a grand old time hanging out with old friends and making new friends. I rediscovered an old friendship with this one girl; we've been friendly aquaintances over the last couple years, and only in the last couple months have we started becoming better friends. About a month after my breakup I realized that I liked her. We could talk about many deep and personal topics, had many things in common, and got along really well. I don't know why those are in the past tense, as they are presumably still true.

So here's what I figured: I would wait things out until after Christmas vacation and I was back at university. By that time it will be two months since the breakup and I should have my head sorted out and be able to look at things a little more rationally. I don't want to get into a relationship too soon but I also don't want to miss out on what might be a great relationship (this is all assuming that she likes me too).

So, thoughts?

Chris · 12-30-2004, 02:31 AM

that's really cool. congrats on the clean and anger free breakup.

I'd suggest (like I do with most everyone but this time with further reasons) pursuing the friendship first with this other girl. You'll be getting closer to her, and still giving yourself even more time to clear your head and make sure everything is sorted out. Plus it's easier to concentrate on your studies and spend time with all your friends when you aren't in a romantic relationship.

**Skeeter** · 12-30-2004, 03:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chris

that's really cool. congrats on the clean and anger free breakup.

I'd suggest (like I do with most everyone but this time with further reasons) pursuing the friendship first with this other girl. You'll be getting closer to her, and still giving yourself even more time to clear your head and make sure everything is sorted out. Plus it's easier to concentrate on your studies and spend time with all your friends when you aren't in a romantic relationship.

Agreed. I figure time is the best option. If we've been friends for over two years already, I think I can safely assume the friendship will continue for a while. But that may get thrown out the window after a couple weeks.

Blindman · 12-30-2004, 10:05 AM

I believe that conventional wisdom says that recovery time = length of relationship / 2...

Actually, what I would say is: _don't_ consider dating again. Just develop good friendships, and let anything deeper than that develop naturally from one of those friendships, and take you by surprise. The moment you've got a romantic interest in someone, impressing them (at least at first, so they'll like you in return) becomes more important to you than being real with them, and that forms a rather bad basis for a relationship because you don't get an accurate impression of each other.

**Skeeter** · 12-30-2004, 06:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blindman

I believe that conventional wisdom says that recovery time = length of relationship / 2...

Actually, what I would say is: _don't_ consider dating again. Just develop good friendships, and let anything deeper than that develop naturally from one of those friendships, and take you by surprise. The moment you've got a romantic interest in someone, impressing them (at least at first, so they'll like you in return) becomes more important to you than being real with them, and that forms a rather bad basis for a relationship because you don't get an accurate impression of each other.

It definitely took me by surprise, don't get me wrong...