[bread man]

Well, since the good people on this forum gave me so much help with my trouble, I thought I should tell them what's happening with me right now. It's been a while. Here's the long story:

A while after I stopped posting in my thread I was just continuing on struggling with my issue. Then one night I was talking to one of my best friends (he feels the same way about dating at our age as I do...it's pointless). Jokingly (or so it seemed to me) he said "So how's your love life"? Anyway, he randomly asked me what I thought of the girl I like (and have done for a long time...for this time I hadn't told anyone about her besides people on here), saying things like "so, ****'s pretty cool ay?". It turns out that he just sat up that night and he knew that I liked her. He hadn't seen physical signs or anything, it just came into his head and he knew. So I ended up telling him. When I started liking this girl, I decided not to tell any of my friends about it because it often complicates things and puts unessecary pressure on you. But I ended up telling him the truth, that I did indeed like her, very much. You have to understand that if it was any other person in the world I would have lied and denied it repeatedly. But this friend of mine was the one person I knew I could tell if I ever wanted to.

So I stayed up extremely late talking to him about her and everything I'd been through. I can't tell you how much it helped my situation, I was no longer worried or concerned about it and I could be perfectly happy if she didn't talk to me for a few days. Now, I dunno if it was God or what (it really seems like it to me) but I was completely amazed at the difference it made to my life.

Well, that was the way it was for about a week, then I left for an overseas mission trip to Thailand. I missed all of my friends while I was over there. Anyway, when I was there, I met the most amazing girl I have ever met in my life, she was a few months older than me. I wasn't attracted to her in the sense that I "liked her" but I was extremely attracted to her as a person and I wanted to be friends. Well, I spent a few days with her around and we became friends and had a great time together. I cried when she left and I'd only known her for a few days. I was just amazed though. I didn't know that girls like that existed. I didn't have to try and figure her out or anything (as I have to do with a lot of my friends who are girls), she was just happy to hang around and have fun. She was always happy and so loving towards everyone she met. Basically, she was the most amazing person I have ever met and I can't wait to see her next time I go back. I remember being sad for a time after she left because I thought it was possible that I would never see her again. But then I thought "wait a minute, I'll see her in heaven", and that was enough, I wasn't sad anymore. I tried to explain to my three best friends how she was and I succeeded on some level but it was impossible to explain everything, just like it's impossible for me to explain everything in this thread.

Well, I got back and I saw the girl I like again. I was completely nervous when I first saw her which really annoyed me. I was thinking "why am I feeling nervous around her, she's one of my best friends". So I decided I wanted to completely rid myself of my feelings because they were just wrecking everything. So in the 8 weeks holidays I have, I'm not going to see her very much at all. I haven't seen her for a week and a half and I've been not thinking about her very much. I'm slowly starting to feel better and I think that the next time I see her, I should be able to look her in the face and have a proper conversation without being nervous or worrying if I say anything stupid. I realised that I wasted a good part of my year worrying about what she thought of me etc.

The Thailand trip also gave me some new inspiration. After hanging out with the girl I mentioned earlier, I have much more self confidence and I don't worry what people think of every word I say so much. I'm much happier with who I am.

Any comments are appreciated. And thanks for reading my long story.

[Chris]

Well, it's definitely encouraging that you feel much better. And it's good hearing back about the situation after it's been resolved.

[bread man]

Thanks man. And thanks for all of the help you gave me. I appreciate it so much more than I can write. I'll post if anything else noteable happens but I'm hoping it won't and I can just go back to being friends with her.