Song of Repentance (RC)

DJ Kirby · 12-23-2004, 08:32 PM

I know this may seem like a simple song, but that's what it's supposed to be, pretty much a simple prayer. I posted this one awhile ago but know one replied. Well, tell me what you think. Thanks.

First verse:
Why have I turned away my heart,
From the Maker of all creation?
I turned His joy into my hurt.
And gave away elation.
Oh, Lord, take my heart,
Cleanse it from its evil ways.
Lord, you knew me from the start,
To the end of my days.

Chorus:
And I spent all my life,
In search of answers I could not find,
And now I pray to the Lord on high,
Cleanse this life of mine.

Second Verse:
Why did I turn away my mind,
From the King of kings?
He who seeks, he shall find,
The Maker of all things.
Oh, Lord, take my mind,
Conform it to purity.
I sought and I did find,
All my answers in thee.

Chorus (2x)

Demon_Hunter · 12-23-2004, 09:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DJ Kirby

I know this may seem like a simple song, but that's what it's supposed to be, pretty much a simple prayer. I posted this one awhile ago but know one replied. Well, tell me what you think. Thanks.

Quote:

First verse:
Why have I turn away my heart,
From the Maker of all creation?
I turned His joy into my hurt.
And gave away elation.
Oh, Lord, take my heart,
Cleanse it from its evil ways.
Lord, you knew me from the start,
To the end of my days.

I suppose it was a type-o, but im gonna point it out anyways, that should be 'turned" not turn. also, the 2 lines "Lord you knew me from the start, to the end of my days", this would make much more since if instead of "to" you had "and till". The verse, other then that is good i think.

Quote:

Chorus:
And I spent all my life,
In search of answers I could not find,

Just for comparisons sake, here are some 12 stones lyrics.

Quote:

"i spent my life searching for answers i could never find."

I really shouldnt have to point out why this seems wrong to me.

Quote:

And now I pray to the Lord on high,
Cleanse this life of mine.

This part is ok, buty perhaps instead of

Quote:

life

, maybe sin, or shame? i dunno, just a sudgestion.

Quote:

Second Verse:
Why did I turn away my mind,
From the King of kings?
He who seeks, he shall find,
The Maker of all things.
Oh, Lord, take my mind,
Conform it to purity.

Quote:

I sought and I did find,

this part would be alot better if you would remove "I", it would flow smoother i think.

Quote:

All my answers in thee.

This part is good, and connects well with the last line, but it connects better if you remove "I" from the other line.

Really good song. Only very minor disagreements with it. Other then that, I think its really well written.

DJ Kirby · 12-23-2004, 09:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by demon_hunter

I suppose it was a type-o, but im gonna point it out anyways, that should be 'turned" not turn. also, the 2 lines "Lord you knew me from the start, to the end of my days", this would make much more since if instead of "to" you had "and till". The verse, other then that is good i think.

Just for comparisons sake, here are some 12 stones lyrics.

"i spent my life searching for answers i knew i could never find."

I really shouldnt have to point out why this seems wrong to me.

[quoteAnd now I pray to the Lord on high,
Cleanse this life of mine.

This part is ok, buty perhaps instead of , maybe sin, or shame? i dunno, just a sudgestion.

this part would be alot better if you would remove "I", it would flow smoother i think.

This part is good, and connects well with the last line, but it connects better if you remove "I" from the other line.

Really good song. Only very minor disagreements with it. Other then that, I think its really well written.

[/QUOTE]
Type-o. Yes, i messed up on that. Gonna fix it now. 12 stones??? man, you really know your music. I've heard of them, but never heard them. I wrote this song a year ago when i realized all the problems i had then were caused by something i did that went against what God wanted me to do. I knew i screwed up on alot of things and this is the way i chose to express what i felt and wanted to say to God. Thanks though for your opinion.

Demon_Hunter · 12-24-2004, 02:52 AM

Quote:

Type-o. Yes, i messed up on that. Gonna fix it now. 12 stones??? man, you really know your music. I've heard of them, but never heard them. I wrote this song a year ago when i realized all the problems i had then were caused by something i did that went against what God wanted me to do. I knew i screwed up on alot of things and this is the way i chose to express what i felt and wanted to say to God. Thanks though for your opinion.

I went back and read the song again, i think i should change some of my rc, but ill do it in the mornin.