Should I be sleeping alongside my girlfriend?

Epi4sbass · 12-13-2004, 11:52 PM

It is late and I will get straight to the point. We have not had sex, we will not have sex, but I have spent several nights in her room, in bed with her, asleep. Does this seem to be a moral problem? We have commited no sin that I can see, yet I know some people would have a problem with it. I would greatly aprecieate any thoughts, but please, whether you think it is right or wrong back it up with scripture, or at the very least with some bibliclal principles (or at least some kind of logic, a simple yes or no will not suffice, I want to know where you are coming from). I really want to know what other christians think on this subject... till I can get some advice all I can do is pray. It is not an issue for another month because school is out and we will be apart till January... so I want to be certain about what we do when we see each other again. Again, thank you for any advice, admonishment, or thoughts.

-Epi

Tim Possible · 12-13-2004, 11:57 PM

I don't remember the exact verse but it says something like, Abstain from all apearence(sp?) of evil. Also the argument could be made that it could lead to sex down the road. If you're not in the bed in the first place nothing will happen.

Epi4sbass · 12-14-2004, 12:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by el cabong

I don't remember the exact verse but it says something like, Abstain from all apearence(sp?) of evil. Also the argument could be made that it could lead to sex down the road. If you're not in the bed in the first place nothing will happen.

thanks for the quick reply... good points... basically there is something that feels... distasteful (for lack of a better word) about it, but it is hard to look at objectively, because there is nothing that is more comforting than her being in my arms when I fall asleep. But thanks again... I have to be at work early so I must go for tonight... but I would like answers from as many people as possible... even if you are repeting what someone else says I want to hear it in your own words... I may be able to get a great deal out of a very small difference in what you have to say... thanks again guys... and goodnight...
-epi

Yojimbo · 12-14-2004, 12:21 AM

I would advise just to not be arrogant about it, like, "Oh, it's no big deal and there's no way temptation could ever get to me."

Chris · 12-14-2004, 12:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by el cabong

I don't remember the exact verse but it says something like, Abstain from all apearence(sp?) of evil. Also the argument could be made that it could lead to sex down the road. If you're not in the bed in the first place nothing will happen.

When I first saw the title of this I thought it meant sex. It took everything for my head not to explode. ^_^

1 Thessalonians 5:22 is the passage you are looking for. In different versions it has been translated as appearance/form/kind but in actuality the original word is correct for each of them as discussed in this thread.

I would suggest NOT sleeping with your girlfriend. Not even just next to each other. What if you get caught? How are you going to possibly prove that nothing happened? How are you going to gain trust back from those who've lost respect/faith in you because of the (dare I say it) scandal.

Plus the temptation for sex is right there breathing down your neck. I mean 1 Corinthians 6:18 says:
Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body.
The best way to flee is to not get into a situation where it can happen.

Chris · 12-14-2004, 12:30 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Epi4sbass

we will not have sex,

I just HAVE to comment on this. You don't know exactly what will happen five minutes from now. The power of sexual desire can take you over in about a second's time. And it is one of the most powerful, unstoppable forces ever. Possibly rivaled only by God's power ^_^. (No real basis for that but I would hardly be surprised.) And one's arrogance about it only serves to feed it. Please get out of your girlfriend's bed, maybe you should stay out of her room behind closed doors as well, at least until your wedding night. (Have you even thought of marriage with this girl?)

JWillett · 12-14-2004, 12:47 AM

Dont do it. Don't let yourself get into a worste situation before you decide you need to stop! Where you are at now, wondering whether it is okay to sleep in the same bed is great!! Most guys (including myself) dont notice this as a problem until it is too late! Then they have to deal with the mess they let happen. It will be easier for you to disengage from sleeping next to each other, than having to disengage from doing worste things. Otherwise you will have connections to her you will find hard to break.

You are probably thinking, 'yeah right, I am not gonna let that happen! I will be safe from that.' But all it takes is just one of you to have struggles in their life, to let their boundaries drop out of fear, insecurities, or loneliness etc and then it is up to the other person to keep physical things from happening. My advice is to stop it before it starts, otherwise you will be sorry. Doing otherwise will destroy what you love most, the relationship being God focused.
Cheers.

Jesusmanfollowe · 12-14-2004, 12:51 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Epi4sbass

It is late and I will get straight to the point. We have not had sex, we will not have sex, but I have spent several nights in her room, in bed with her, asleep. Does this seem to be a moral problem? We have commited no sin that I can see, yet I know some people would have a problem with it. I would greatly aprecieate any thoughts, but please, whether you think it is right or wrong back it up with scripture, or at the very least with some bibliclal principles (or at least some kind of logic, a simple yes or no will not suffice, I want to know where you are coming from). I really want to know what other christians think on this subject... till I can get some advice all I can do is pray. It is not an issue for another month because school is out and we will be apart till January... so I want to be certain about what we do when we see each other again. Again, thank you for any advice, admonishment, or thoughts.

-Epi

From someone who has been in a similar situation, don't do it. Yeah, I will admit, I have done that with someone before, but its just not as enjoyable as a relationship that is letting every little thing like that wait for marriage. It is better to let such things wait until you can feel free about doing it. Sleeping in the same bed is something you do with your spouse, and things like that shoud be saved for your spouse, and right now, she isn't. Yeah, at times it feels good, it feels nice to have that person next to you, but it not only allows more of a conenction betwen you, a bond that is beyond that of a regular dating relationship, but it makes the breakup a lot harsher, and you never know, it may eventualy lead to more.

Yojimbo · 12-14-2004, 01:22 AM

On a technical note, it would be easy to prove you weren't doing anything if someone walked in on you on a particular night--your clothes (I'm hoping) would still be on. But a lot of people associate such cuddling with relationships that have become physical. And it's always awkward to leave your significant other's room at 8AM wearing what you wore last night to bed.

Chris · 12-14-2004, 01:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Yojimbo

And it's always awkward to leave your significant other's room at 8AM wearing what you wore last night to bed.

Which is the most likely time you'd get caught. In which instance it's more or less impossible to prove anything.

danalyn · 12-14-2004, 02:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chris

When I first saw the title of this I thought it meant sex. It took everything for my head not to explode. ^_^

me too. Actually what I thought was "wow. you actually had to ASK?!?"

but anyhow, I just want to second the comment of the person who apparently was reading my mind:

Quote:

I don't remember the exact verse but it says something like, Abstain from all apearence(sp?) of evil.

what would your pastor say? or your mom? or her mom? or younger siblings? it's not just about what you want or what feels good...

Luke · 12-14-2004, 03:51 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Epi4sbass

It is late and I will get straight to the point. We have not had sex, we will not have sex, but I have spent several nights in her room, in bed with her, asleep. Does this seem to be a moral problem? We have commited no sin that I can see, yet I know some people would have a problem with it. I would greatly aprecieate any thoughts, but please, whether you think it is right or wrong back it up with scripture, or at the very least with some bibliclal principles (or at least some kind of logic, a simple yes or no will not suffice, I want to know where you are coming from). I really want to know what other christians think on this subject... till I can get some advice all I can do is pray. It is not an issue for another month because school is out and we will be apart till January... so I want to be certain about what we do when we see each other again. Again, thank you for any advice, admonishment, or thoughts.

You ask, "Does this seem to be a moral problem?" Technically, no, there is nothing intrinsically immoral about falling asleep next to your girlfriend.

However, I would advise your asking yourself another question, which is whether doing this is wise, even if it is technically permissible. As others have pointed out, there are at least two dangers that this action presents:
1. Additional temptation to cross the boundaries our Lord has set for us
2. A possible (and needless) loss of trust and respect from others due to their perceptions

I would add a third and fourth to this list, which is...
3. Increased difficulty in your being able to keep your thoughts pure, and
4. The presentation of additional temptation and snares for her (it is your responsibility at this point to guard her heart as well as your own).

I would advise that you turn to 1 Corinthians 6:12 and 10:23. There, we read that there are many things that are lawful or permissible for us, but that are not helpful or good. I would submit to you that this falls under that category. We are called upon by God to make wise decisions (see the entire book of Proverbs as proof of this

). It is with counsel that we are apt to make wise choices (Proverbs 15:22), and this thread currently shows that everyone's counsel to you is to avoid this, not necessarily because it's intrinsically sinful, but simply because it's not a good idea.

I believe that I understand and can relate to how you feel and the reason why you desire to do what you are doing. Nevertheless, I would urge you to refrain from sleeping alongside your girlfriend, for it is imprudent.

ForgivenPix · 12-14-2004, 07:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Luke

I would advise that you turn to 1 Corinthians 6:12 and 10:23. There, we read that there are many things that are lawful or permissible for us, but that are not helpful or good.

Wow, that's exactly what I was thinking. And it's true.
I know that if it was me sleeping along side my boyfriend, the temptation would be WAY too much. Plus, I think that's just a special something that could wait for a persons wedding night and that would be totally sweet.

Epi4sbass · 12-15-2004, 02:38 PM

Thanks for all the replies people... I really do appreciate it... you are all saying... in more articulate ways... what I have been feeling... so thank you... you have all been helpful.

The only other thing I have to say is please do not mistake determination for arrogance. When I say we will not, I do not mean that we are not capable of it... on the contrary, the reality of the danger is what makes me say this. I do believe that trying is only setting yourself up to fail, as yoda said "do or do not, there is no try". My determination is such that I refuse to say "I hope we don't" or "we'll try not to." I say we will not because I do not want to leave room in my mind to say "well, I tried, so now I can do what I want." Believe me, I do understand the reality of the temptations that can pop up at any time, that is the reason that I have come seeking advice on a subject that I would rather not discuss even in annonymity. Even when I know I should or shouldn't do something, I often can't do what I feel is right unless I have someone telling me, so that is why I came here and asked for advice. If there was any doubt in my mind you guys have helped me get rid of it, and I thank you.

Carly. · 12-16-2004, 02:08 AM

Personally, I don't have too much of a problem with the idea. But that's under extreme circumstances. I think if you're a man, a mature one, and you know exactly how to restrain yourself and respect her for the woman that she is, then technically, I just don't see much of an issue. But heed to what everyone else here has been saying, because what they say is generally true and sleeping next to someone can lead into doors that are definitely not good.

Again, I have not seen any biblical law stating, "Thou shalt not sleep next to thy girlfriend," and therefore cannot say what you are doing is "okay" or "wrong". Some of this relies on personal conviction, but I urge you to search deep inside yourself and look for any signs of immaturity or malfunction in your desires to sleep next to her. If there is anything, ANYTHING, wrong in your conscience about sleeping next to her, then wouldn't it be best not to do it? Is feeling just the teensiest bit guilty worth it?

And if she's a cool girl, I'm sure she'll understand and respect you if you decided you'd rather refrain from sleeping in the same bed together. And from the way you talk about her, I'm sure she's quite awesome. Do some soul searching. You're smart - I'm sure you'll make the right decision.