[Jeffrey]

(Now) in Twelve Packs

by Jeffrey Bryan Shoup

I'm going to do it, so somebody talk me down. Talk me at my level - yes, I do consider myself the smartest one currently here. Bring me Stephen Hawking and a beer. Get Henry Rollins on that megaphone to tell me what a hopeless little **** I am. Just get these people out from below - you never know when I'm going to drop. I'd drop this scene like a righteous beat if I just had somewhere to go and someone worthwhile to meet up with and share a little righteous anger. Now that I have your attention (as macabre as it may be) let me see you gather all your Skrewdriver and Manilow records in a pile. I like Barry, but let's make a little bonfire for something scary and something trite. Tonight let's kill two birds with one stone - me and my guitar tone. We're both going to take that long walk off a short temper - somebody talk me down. Somebody talk to me like I'm an adult. Somebody insult me to my face. Plead my case later, but for now make me cling to life out of sheer hatred and defiance. "I'll show you. I won't jump. You think I'm a waste of bones? I'll make you eat those words once I'm down on solid ground." And then when I get to eye level you can toss on a straightjacket and we'll all have a good laugh. Then the police negotiator will turn to the camera and hold up a can of new Crystal Splash Pepsi and we'll all toss back our heads in joy while the jingle plays. Cut. Wrap. We've got this ad campaign made.

[Role Modlin]

Crystal Splash Pepsi....dang it, don't tease me.