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Good Poem that I wrote. Dont use it

Good Poem that I wrote. Dont use it

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Old 12-08-2004, 04:42 PM   #1
hi my name is mike
 

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Good Poem that I wrote. Dont use it
please don't use this poem on like a gf or anything like that because it took me a long time to write and i think it is pretty good. If you could give me some feedback on what you think that would be great.


Killing me inside
I don’t know how* I don’t know why* and it is killing me inside* I sit here thinking* wondering why* just sitting here* thinking about what happened* and remembering all the wonderful times we had together* what a day it was* the day I say your face* your eyes shined in the moonlight* sending me off my feet with love in my mind* a love that could never be broken* or so I thought* until that day* that day you broke my heart* so now I sit here* thinking why* how* but it is time to move in* I can’t stay on this forever* so im forgetting all the good times we had together* and replacing them with other things* then an angel came into my life* I wish I could meet her but I don’t know what she looks like* she is awesome* my friend* my love* who I might not ever get to meet* so I wait* for the day I can meet this person* the most perfect day of my life* when that angel will say yes* a wonderful day for sure* That is only the beginning of the story* but it is the only part I know is true* so I will stay sitting here* waiting for that angel* to knock at my door* and make my day.

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Old 12-08-2004, 10:36 PM   #2
hi my name is mike
 

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I want people to tell me what they think of my poem. Please tell me what you think after you read it
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Old 12-10-2004, 09:40 AM   #3
Too loud for ears.©
 
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thats really good.
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Old 12-10-2004, 10:07 AM   #4
could use consistency.
 
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Pretty good. Pretty sad. Now you need to write a vitriolic, homocidal poem. they would make a great pair. But only if you got that inside of you.
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Old 12-10-2004, 10:56 AM   #5
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No offense, but it's very juvenile and cliched. You use a lot of phrases that so many people have used before that they've gotten old.
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