not the boyfriend type?!

McFly · 11-30-2004, 05:31 PM

About a week ago I asked this girl that I went to our school's homecoming dance out. She said that she likes me as a friend, but I'm not "the boyfriend type". What exaclty does this mean, and how can I shed this image?

BWyatt · 11-30-2004, 06:05 PM

Umm, there are several important things to remember:

1) There is not one set "boyfriend type." I had several girls in high school tell me I was "like a brother" to them. Now I'm very happy in my current relationship and considering the possibility of marriage in about three years. Hopefully she doesn't think of me "like a brother", eh?

2) There are some who are not fit for relationships. Whether that's a temporary thing or a life-long thing, some are simply not ready for such a thing.

Yojimbo · 11-30-2004, 06:08 PM

It basically means she's not interested in you. Not a general "oh, you can't be a boyfriend to ANY-one"

Xkcer Man · 11-30-2004, 06:08 PM

Sorry about your luck. I guess you don't want to hear this, but I don't think she's attracted to you. I wasted about 3 years on a girl that never moved me from the "just friends" category. Let yourself move on. Don't get discouraged if this happens more than once.

Let me tell you, I never dated anyone longer than a month and was only with about 4 or 5 girls until I met Lynnette. Now we've been together for 9 months and we're getting married January 1st! And it's wonderful! I'm so glad that I didn't date more than I did. No heartache, I saved a lot of money, and it was much easier to remain sexually pure.

The image of the "just friend" is good because you learn how to build solid friendships with the opposite sex. You choose them based on their personality and not on how they look or dress. Then, whenever a true attraction comes along, you've got a great approach to building a great relationship.

RockOn28 · 11-30-2004, 07:59 PM

Quote:

I'm not "the boyfriend type".

Me neither bro. You'll learn to move on. Just remember that God is the one to rely on. He knows that there is a girl out there for you. Maybe this girl just isn't it.

Singin4Him82 · 11-30-2004, 08:01 PM

I think I told a guy just about that same thing when I was asked to homecoming my sophmore year. He was a great friend to me and I didn't want to mess that up by dating. I wanted to remain friends and get to know each other better. Sometimes girls don't know how to put things nicely haha, I'm sure she didn't mean you're not boyfriend material for any girl, she must just want to be friends and she wanted to let you know that. She should have said it a little differently, it was kinda rude how she put it. Just have fun and be friends.

Xkcer Man · 11-30-2004, 08:32 PM

Great responses so far. I just want to add something.

I think I was often not "boyfriend material" because I had a certain silliness about me. Now my fiancée loves that about me. Whatever quality you have that makes you not "boyfriend material" to someone with eventually be appreciated by someone much better suited for you anyway. If a relationship begins with you hiding or diminishing parts of your personality, you might be setting yourself up for problems in the future when those parts become more apparent.

Chris · 12-01-2004, 12:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by McFly

About a week ago I asked this girl that I went to our school's homecoming dance out. She said that she likes me as a friend, but I'm not "the boyfriend type". What exaclty does this mean, and how can I shed this image?

In a nutshell? She doesn't want to date you. She's happy with having you as a friend and doesn't want to risk that. How can you shed it? You don't. And neither do you want to. The qualities she's reffering to are part of what makes you you. And as many people can verify, you will never be happy if you try to be someone else. And anyone who likes you at that point, doesn't really like you but the person you aren't. (am I making sense here?)

**slap_j** · 12-01-2004, 12:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by McFly

how can I shed this image?

Wear dark sunglasses, a leather jacked with the collar turned up, acid washed jeans, high tops, and smoke unfiltered cigarettes.

goldenchild · 12-01-2004, 12:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Xkcer Man

I saved a lot of money

Seriously, lol

that's definitely a perk. I had a girlfriend for a few months, we had been best friends since we were like 11 years old. Then I decided God's probably not calling me to get married, so we decided to stop going out and we remain best of friends today.

SilverNitrate · 12-01-2004, 03:29 AM

You're not "the boyfriend type" translates to:
I don't want to date you, but I don't know how to say "I don't want to date you" without hurting your feelings.

I think just about every guy has heard / will hear this at some point in life. Don't worry about it... just move on. One day you'll find someone who views you as not only "the boyfriend type" but as "the husband type". Just be patient... God will send her your way if/when He's ready.

Visirale · 12-01-2004, 04:13 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by slap_j

acid

Or just lots of that.

I've seen this happen to a lot of friends. No big deal. Just be content to have another great friendship and move on.

McFly · 12-02-2004, 05:59 PM

Hey, I just wanted to say thanks to everybody that has posted a thread so far, you've all been a real help. God bless.

georgeo · 12-03-2004, 12:00 PM

other ways of being shut down i may or may not have experienced are:

1) The God Card-I've prayed about it, and i don't think God wants us to be together
2) friendship- I'm so glad we're just friends, because that's really precious.
3)preemptive defense-they sense you are going to ask, and readily change the subject or shut you down before you even ask. This can be combined with #1 or #2.

I've been there, bro.