help me please!!!

konadude · 11-29-2004, 02:07 PM

ok. so there is this girl that i met about a year or so ago at church. we have never really hung out or talked much or anything, but for the last couple of weeks she has been coming around and hung around with me and some of mine/her's friends, talked to me some, and started showing some interest. we are both in high school, but we don't go to school together b/c i home school and she lives in another school district. we see each other all of the time at church, she is involved with the youth and i will start getting more involved, (b/c we got a new youth pastor that i can get along with) in fact we are both going with the youth on a trip to gatliburg, tenn. right after christmas. so the question is... do i go for it and ask her out

??? or do i give it a little longer before i ask her out

??? will you please help me out ?!?!?!?!

thanks,
bo

**Epaphras** · 11-29-2004, 02:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by konadude

ok. so there is this girl that i met about a year or so ago at church. we have never really hung out or talked much or anything, but for the last couple of weeks she has been coming around and hung around with me and some of mine/her's friends, talked to me some, and started showing some interest. we are both in high school, but we don't go to school together b/c i home school and she lives in another school district. we see each other all of the time at church, she is involved with the youth and i will start getting more involved, (b/c we got a new youth pastor that i can get along with) in fact we are both going with the youth on a trip to gatliburg, tenn. right after christmas. so the question is... do i go for it and ask her out

??? or do i give it a little longer before i ask her out

??? will you please help me out or give some advice?!?!?!?!

thanks,
bo

You've only gotten to know her for a few weeks. I suggest holding off on dating. Get to know her as a friend, then pray about it from there. A solid friendship should take a good 6-9 months. After that, if you decide date and it doesn't work out, you can fall back on that solid friendship base. Right now, you have nothing to go on. I suggest you wait and just be friends for the next 6 months or so.

Don't be in such a rush to date. Since you're in high school, you can't possibly think about getting married for at least 3 years (if you're a senior), so what's the rush? Enjoy this time while you have it. When in doubt, don't date.

In His love,
Sean

RockOn28 · 11-29-2004, 02:30 PM

You know what Sean?

That a wonderful answer. Just thought I'd complement you there. Have a nice day.

**Epaphras** · 11-29-2004, 02:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RockOn28

You know what Sean?

That a wonderful answer. Just thought I'd complement you there. Have a nice day.

umm...thanks?...

***BillSPrestonEsq*** · 11-29-2004, 02:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by konadude

ok. so there is this girl that i met about a year or so ago at church. we have never really hung out or talked much or anything, but for the last couple of weeks she has been coming around and hung around with me and some of mine/her's friends, talked to me some, and started showing some interest. we are both in high school, but we don't go to school together b/c i home school and she lives in another school district. we see each other all of the time at church, she is involved with the youth and i will start getting more involved, (b/c we got a new youth pastor that i can get along with) in fact we are both going with the youth on a trip to gatliburg, tenn. right after christmas. so the question is... do i go for it and ask her out

??? or do i give it a little longer before i ask her out

??? will you please help me out or give some advice?!?!?!?!

thanks,
bo

you are 14. What is the point of dating now? Honestly answer that question, and I think you will know what to do. Just figure out what your goals are in a relationship at this stage in your life.

Basically, there is no point that will be a good thing at this point in your life.

konadude · 11-29-2004, 10:21 PM

I want to say thank you for giving me advice, I will sleep very hard on what you have given me and I will be praying about it too. Thanks a lot. The reason that I asked this question is because I am not like most 14-15 year olds that are very immature, as a matter of fact my best friends are around 22 or older and the reason for that is that we think and understand on the same level of maturity.(if ya know what i mean) The girl that I am talking about is like that too, soooo I just wanted you to know that i am not some 14 year old cartoon watching baby, but thanks and if you anymore advice please let me hear what you have got to say.

***BillSPrestonEsq*** · 11-29-2004, 10:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by konadude

I want to say thank you for giving me advice, I will sleep very hard on what you have given me and I will be praying about it too. Thanks a lot. The reason that I asked this question is because I am not like most 14-15 year olds that are very immature, as a matter of fact my best friends are around 22 or older and the reason for that is that we think and understand on the same level of maturity.(if ya know what i mean) The girl that I am talking about is like that too, soooo I just wanted you to know that i am not some 14 year old cartoon watching baby, but thanks and if you anymore advice please let me hear what you have got to say.

Everybody thinks and claims thatthey are very mature for their age. However, you have 8 years to mature before you are 22.

Those years will make you different. You will not stay the same. I am 23 now. I remember 8 years ago, and I see now the changes those years have made. As such, whatever your maturity level, there are many things that will change between now and your 20's. I doubt strongly that you have the same maturity level as a 2o year old. I am sorry, but the years teach hard lessons that don't come guickly.

Basically look at yourself 8 years ago. Now look at where you are. The changes you see now are not as great as the next 8 should be. You have a long time before marriage is a practicle feasible possibility. It is not good to get started on a relationship too early. It brings pain.

konadude · 11-29-2004, 10:50 PM

i don't mean to tick anybody off, but since when do you decide that you are ready to get married and then start dating? i though that the whole thing with dating is that you learn from it, you learn fromyour mistakes. that's with everything in life, you make the mistake accept the consequences of that mistake and you learn from it and how to avoid making that mistake again, right? how do you get married and it ever last longer than a hollywood marriage if you haven't ever had to deal with situations of the such? that's just how i see things. but i know that everyone has their own oppinion. but pleas answer this question... do i go for it or do i give it a little while? now, this doesn't mean that i am gonna ask her out sometime no matter what, this juat means that i still haven't had this question answered. like i said "i will listen to what you have to say and i will think about it all and most imprtantly i will pray about it.

***BillSPrestonEsq*** · 11-29-2004, 11:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by konadude

i don't mean to tick anybody off, but since when do you decide that you are ready to get married and then start dating? i though that the whole thing with dating is that you learn from it, you learn fromyour mistakes. that's with everything in life, you make the mistake accept the consequences of that mistake and you learn from it and how to avoid making that mistake again, right? how do you get married and it ever last longer than a hollywood marriage if you haven't ever had to deal with situations of the such? that's just how i see things. but i know that everyone has their own oppinion. but pleas answer this question... do i go for it or do i give it a little while? now, this doesn't mean that i am gonna ask her out sometime no matter what, this juat means that i still haven't had this question answered. like i said "i will listen to what you have to say and i will think about it all and most imprtantly i will pray about it.

because making mistakes is not the only way to learn. In fact it is the most dangerous way to. If I approached relationships this way, I could justify premarital sex, (how do I know if they satisfy me...), or anything.

You are showing immaturity in not realizing that in a relationship at the proper time you will deal wth things. Believe me, issues come up. You don't have to have failures and regrets to make a relationship a success.

If you want to date to make mistakes and learn from them, you are just heartlessly cold to the girl and do not love her. Because going in with that attitude guarantees failure, and shows that you are using her for your own ends.

The reason for waiting that I think best sums it up is a phrase located 3 times in song of soloman, to not awaken love before its time. You can ask any of the older people on cgr who are married or engaged, most at least will counsel you to wait, as the dating we did in hs brought pain, sorrow, and problems to current relationships. A practice in giving up is not a preperation for success, but the very hollywood marriage you dread.

I suggest you wait.

God's Jedi · 11-29-2004, 11:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by konadude

i don't mean to tick anybody off, but since when do you decide that you are ready to get married and then start dating? i though that the whole thing with dating is that you learn from it, you learn fromyour mistakes. that's with everything in life, you make the mistake accept the consequences of that mistake and you learn from it and how to avoid making that mistake again, right? how do you get married and it ever last longer than a hollywood marriage if you haven't ever had to deal with situations of the such? that's just how i see things. but i know that everyone has their own oppinion. but pleas answer this question... do i go for it or do i give it a little while? now, this doesn't mean that i am gonna ask her out sometime no matter what, this juat means that i still haven't had this question answered. like i said "i will listen to what you have to say and i will think about it all and most imprtantly i will pray about it.

You're 14, right? Well, I'm 16, and I know exactly how you are thinking. And I will say this: wait. I had my first girlfriend when I was 13. We went out for a while, but then we broke up. We didn't talk for 3 years, and I lost my best friend. Trust me, if you don't go into a relationship wanting to make it last forever, then it will kill you more than it can ever possibly help you. As for dealing with issues, you have to have faith that God will help you work them out when the time comes, not when you decided to make them happen. So, my advice is to wait.

My other advice is to listen to what Bill tells you. He helped me figure a lot of things out when I first got here. He knows what he's saying, so don't write him off.

Chris · 11-30-2004, 12:18 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by konadude

i don't mean to tick anybody off, but since when do you decide that you are ready to get married and then start dating? i though that the whole thing with dating is that you learn from it, you learn fromyour mistakes. that's with everything in life, you make the mistake accept the consequences of that mistake and you learn from it and how to avoid making that mistake again, right? how do you get married and it ever last longer than a hollywood marriage if you haven't ever had to deal with situations of the such? that's just how i see things. but i know that everyone has their own oppinion. but pleas answer this question... do i go for it or do i give it a little while? now, this doesn't mean that i am gonna ask her out sometime no matter what, this juat means that i still haven't had this question answered. like i said "i will listen to what you have to say and i will think about it all and most imprtantly i will pray about it.

Dating is not a very good way to learn anything worthwhile. I had three dating relationships in high school and you know what I learned that I can call back on and use now with my wife? NOTHING! As a matter of fact I posted this in a very recent thread maybe two days ago but here it is again,

Quote:

Originally Posted by I

All I learned from my relationships in high school was how not to trust, How not to act in a Godly manner, how to callous my heart and how to cry.

Is this the learning you were speaking of? This isn't based on blind opinions either. Back in the day I would fight tooth and nail to try and defend high school relationships. I was asked to list off everything good I learned from each of my relationships. I couldn't find a thing. If anything, my hih school relationships hurt my relationship with my wife. Praise God she puts up with me sometimes.

So to answer your question, I'm going to flat out make this my plea. Please wait. Don't rush in. Wait a few years. Please.

Kato · 11-30-2004, 09:17 AM

Everyone gave great advice, I suggest you listen to them. Although it doesn't seem like you're going to wait till it's a practical time for marriage, so I'll give you advice in a sense that you'll not wait (And there's nothing wrong with that in my opinion, but, it's also good to wait.) Just wait. Like Sean said, You've only gotten to know her for the past couple of weeks, that's not enough time to actually know each-other well. Some people say "Once your friends, you can never go out". That's not true. Infact, It's probably more right to date a friend, than it is to date a stranger. So, my advice is to look at the relationship and ask how it can glorify God, not only for yourself, but for both of you.

konadude · 12-01-2004, 10:07 PM

Quote:

If you want to date to make mistakes and learn from them, you are just heartlessly cold to the girl and do not love her. Because going in with that attitude guarantees failure, and shows that you are using her for your own ends.

that is not the only reason for dating her, i really do love her, i know what you are gonna say it's not love it is just infatuation, but and no... i am not just using her, i said that making mistakes is part of dating and you have to make them to learn from them i didn't say that i wanted to date just so that i could make mistakes so that i could learn. i have thought about this situation a lot and prayed about it and i am not gonna ask her out, again thanks for you advice everyone. please be praying for her though because she fell and messed up her ankle. i don't know what happened but it is not good.

***BillSPrestonEsq*** · 12-01-2004, 10:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by konadude

that is not the only reason for dating her, i really do love her, i know what you are gonna say it's not love it is just infatuation, but and no... i am not just using her, i said that making mistakes is part of dating and you have to make them to learn from them i didn't say that i wanted to date just so that i could make mistakes so that i could learn. i have thought about this situation a lot and prayed about it and i am not gonna ask her out, again thanks for you advice everyone. please be praying for her though because she fell and messed up her ankle. i don't know what happened but it is not good.

if that is A reason you have. You do not love her. At all.

konadude · 12-02-2004, 09:11 AM

ok man, i told you the answer and that i wasn't gonna ask her out. this is the end of the conversation. thanks for you trying to help, although i could have asked my little brother and he would have listened better than you, but..... thanks anyway. (i don't want to get anything started, but i was just stating a fact.) i am closing this thread with this post.