Age

**Epaphras** · 11-24-2004, 09:45 AM

What is the proper age to begin dating? By dating I mean a mature relationship involving sexual boundaries, parental involvement, un-exclusivity (not being alone all the time - group stuff too), semi-serious committment, and responsibility. I'm not talking about three-week flings here. This is the step in-between friendship and "courtship" (seriously considering marriage).

I know the proper age is different for everyone, but think of it like this: what age should parents allow their children to date, ballpark?

Also, at what age were/are you allowed to date? When you were old enough, did you? How many relationships did you have? How long did they last? If you're older (like 20s), do you regret dating? If you're married, did those relationships help or hurt your marriage? Did anyone marry or is engaged to someone they dated in their teen years?

In His love,
Sean

p.s. Please don't get off topic - I don't want another courtship vs. dating argument in here...

**Epaphras** · 11-24-2004, 09:53 AM

Haha I forgot to answer my own questions!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Epaphras

Also, at what age were/are you allowed to date?

16. My parents said if I'm not old enough to drive a car, I'm not old enough to date. Fair enough.

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When you were old enough, did you?

Yes, but not until I was almost 17.

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How many relationships did you have?

One, and I regret it.

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How long did they last?

umm...a month

...

Also, I think 16 is fair age, as long as the kid knows what he's getting into, what it demands, the responsibilities, the consequences, etc. It's about 75% maturity, 25% age for me, personally.

In His love,
Sean

Opie · 11-24-2004, 10:04 AM

I went on my first date at 15...I'm nearly 18 now and I don't date...I think I've gone on maybe 4 or 5 since then...I just don't see the need or have the time...

I'd say 16 is about a good age to allow teens to date...Just make sure to have those limits which you spoke of

fretplaya · 11-24-2004, 10:11 AM

I just like Opie went on my first date at 15. i Dont regret it cause it was a growing experience it helps to show you what your made of if you can stand up to temptations.
Epaprahs has a very good point it is more about maurity than your age although it does help being older.

**Sean** · 11-24-2004, 10:19 AM

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Originally Posted by Epaphras

What is the proper age to begin dating? ......I know the proper age is different for everyone

You just answered your own question. You can't pinpoint a proper age to begin dating. Attempting to do so is extremely dangerous.

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, but think of it like this: what age should parents allow their children to date, ballpark

Thats really a completely different question. The first question deals with "When am I mature enough to begin dating." The second deals with "When should a parent start giving their child more freedom."

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Also, at what age were/are you allowed to date?

I never had an age. I was 18 when I first went out with a girl

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How many relationships did you have?

I've only had one that really went anywhere.

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How long did they last?

9 months

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If you're older (like 20s), do you regret dating?

I regret the mistakes I made and I probably made those mistakes because I was too immature (spiritually and physically) to be dating.

**Sean** · 11-24-2004, 10:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Epaphras

Also, I think 16 is fair age, as long as the kid knows what he's getting into, what it demands, the responsibilities, the consequences, etc. It's about 75% maturity, 25% age for me, personally.

I kind of see it differently. I don't think that prior to really dating someone can really know that theyr'e getting into, know what it demands, know the responsibilities, the consequences.... Its all something new to them and it can't be taught, it must be experienced. Part of maturity is being able to deal with new things in a responsible fashion.

**Matt4JC** · 11-24-2004, 10:25 AM

I'm not going to court/date/whatever until I find someone that I will be serious about possible marriage with. So, this may be surprising to some, but I am 19 and have never dated.

***BillSPrestonEsq*** · 11-24-2004, 10:34 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Epaphras

I know the proper age is different for everyone, but think of it like this: what age should parents allow their children to date, ballpark?

Honestly, Id say 19+. I was fairly mature for my age... (kind of had o be)

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Also, at what age were/are you allowed to date?

Simple, I wasn't. My parents are hyperconservative and believe dating is evil. however I started dating when i was 17.5... At that point I simply realized the path they wanted me to head down was disastrous.

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When you were old enough, did you?

I did before I was truly ready in retrospect.

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How many relationships did you have? How long did they last?

1.5 She broke up wit me after 3 months, we didnt speak for over 6 months, been going out now around 5.5 years. engaged for well over 2 years.

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If you're older (like 20s), do you regret dating?

Without a really odd set of events I would have lost her for good, by being an idiot, and not waiting until we were both more mature to date.

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If you're married, did those relationships help or hurt your marriage? Did anyone marry or is engaged to someone they dated in their teen years?

Not married yet, but I am marrying her in May of 05. i dated her in my teen years, but it was heartache. I would strongly reccomend it. And I am honestly a best case scenario, where you get the girl, never had sex... (which i might add is probably as much due to the fact that we have been 2000 miles apart most of the time. I don't think I could have stood strong for this long had we been in closer proximity, and yet, if we were in closer proximity, we would have been married by now...

ForgivenPix · 11-24-2004, 10:37 AM

I think 16 is a fair age. Like someone said, you really have to experience it to really know what you are getting into. But I know some 17 & 18 year olds who are not mature enough to date!
I wasn't allowed to date until I was 16, so I went on my first date the day before my 16th birthday b/c that was Valentine's Day. I was with that guy for 6 1/2 months, and I regret it. I didn't learn much either. Then I went out with another guy for 3 months last year and I regret that too, but at least I learned something!
Matt, I have a friend who feels the same way you do about dating and had never dated either, so you're not weird (not TOO weird hahaha)

***BillSPrestonEsq*** · 11-24-2004, 10:39 AM

just a question, why was it a fair age if you were too immature to learn from it? would that not mean you went in before you were ready?

**Epaphras** · 11-24-2004, 11:12 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BillSPrestonEsq

just a question, why was it a fair age if you were too immature to learn from it? would that not mean you went in before you were ready?

I think it's because her parents wouldn't let her date until she was 16. I only know that because she's my girlfriend (and she said it in her post...

). She can tell you better than me, obviously, but I thought I'd offer that.

I'm sure she learned lessons from those relationships, because she's just about the best girlfriend in the world! She's mysterious, by not cold. Warm, but not clingy. Sweet but stern when boundaries are crossed. Affectionate but not infatuated. I really think she learned all that and found that balance from those other relationships. I learned from my last relationship a year and a half ago, and I know the lessons I learned then affect (positively) the way I treat Sarah. It's cool to see how God prepared us for each other. Even if we're not going to get married, I know God has used and is using this relationship to prepare us for our future marriages. We strive to not have regrets about it. We want to be able to invite each other to our weddings without feeling awkward. I know I would love to be able to introduce her to my future wife and say, "This is Sarah, she helped me become a better husband for you" and vice versa. Of course, if God would have us marry, we'll have all these special memories, and no regrets going into the marriage. It's win-win.

Sorry for the tangent. To answer your question, for me, I know that at 16.5 I was old enough, but not mature enough. Part of the problem was that I had no accountability or mentor. Mostly it was because I was simply immature and thought I was mature enough. But I agree with Sean and with you, Bill, maturity is definately more a part of it than age is. I know 16 year olds that are more mature than some 19 year olds. But, should mature 16 year olds be seriously dating if it's highly unlikely that it will end in marriage? Should immature 19 year olds be dating simply because they are older and there's a greater chance of marriage? It's tough.

In His love,
Sean

danalyn · 11-24-2004, 11:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Epaphras

What is the proper age to begin dating?
Also, at what age were/are you allowed to date? When you were old enough, did you? How many relationships did you have? How long did they last? If you're older (like 20s), do you regret dating? If you're married, did those relationships help or hurt your marriage? Did anyone marry or is engaged to someone they dated in their teen years?

ok... where to start here... I voted 17+ When I was in my teens, the church I went to had a rule about dating. You had to be 18. We all thought it was a silly rule then (and I left that church at 16 which is an entirely other story)
but in hindsight, it's not as stupid as it seemed.
Um, if you'd asked my grandfather, I'm sure he would've said I wasn't allowed to date till I was 35 (or so). There was no real set age... I guess they trusted my judgement.
I've had one relationship. we've been together over 2 years now and just got married 2 months ago!

I don't regret the relationship at all--obviously

we started dating at age 20 (once again, my first relationship) so... I can't say I have any regrets from teen dating relationships as I didn't have any. I can tell ya I don't regret that, though!

***BillSPrestonEsq*** · 11-24-2004, 12:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Epaphras

I think it's because her parents wouldn't let her date until she was 16. I only know that because she's my girlfriend (and she said it in her post...

). She can tell you better than me, obviously, but I thought I'd offer that.

I'm sure she learned lessons from those relationships, because she's just about the best girlfriend in the world! She's mysterious, by not cold. Warm, but not clingy. Sweet but stern when boundaries are crossed. Affectionate but not infatuated. I really think she learned all that and found that balance from those other relationships. I learned from my last relationship a year and a half ago, and I know the lessons I learned then affect (positively) the way I treat Sarah. It's cool to see how God prepared us for each other. Even if we're not going to get married, I know God has used and is using this relationship to prepare us for our future marriages. We strive to not have regrets about it. We want to be able to invite each other to our weddings without feeling awkward. I know I would love to be able to introduce her to my future wife and say, "This is Sarah, she helped me become a better husband for you" and vice versa. Of course, if God would have us marry, we'll have all these special memories, and no regrets going into the marriage. It's win-win.

Sorry for the tangent. To answer your question, for me, I know that at 16.5 I was old enough, but not mature enough. Part of the problem was that I had no accountability or mentor. Mostly it was because I was simply immature and thought I was mature enough. But I agree with Sean and with you, Bill, maturity is definately more a part of it than age is. I know 16 year olds that are more mature than some 19 year olds. But, should mature 16 year olds be seriously dating if it's highly unlikely that it will end in marriage? Should immature 19 year olds be dating simply because they are older and there's a greater chance of marriage? It's tough.

In His love,
Sean

some maturity only comes with age. You always overestimate on that though, invariably. No 16 year old is able to be ready for marriage in our culture. Money has to come from somewhere to support a family. How many 18 year olds are really prepared for marriage.