[Carly.]

Originally Posted by DJ Kirby

Wow. this has been the worst advice given to me yet, as it has no consideration for peoples feelings or what they have previously said.

That's not true. I read the whole thread. I was very calm and cool when I was writing that out. I was just trying to be real with you.

You, I must say, are very biased, as you have put ur opinon if the fact that u think she has no respect for relationships or her boyfriend, for she does, so do i.

Actions speak louder than words, my friend, and if she doesn't have respect for her boyfriend or her relationship with him, then it could be she has no respect for herself. You said yourself that her boyfriend doesn't treat her very well and if that's apparent, I would think it likely that she realizes it too and her willingness to tolerate it reveals that she does not have as much respect for her self as she should have. I just think, if you truly respected her and cared about her, you'd give her a lot of space, hang out with her only in group situations, and do your absolute best to be JUST FRIENDS. That is what *I* believe. You have the entire right to disagree.

But i was simple stating a fact that her boyfriend has done some regrettable things and that i would like her to be my gf, not by pressuring her into it, seeing as i have less respect for him and i think that i would treat her better.

Look, I believe you. I'm sure you're right and you'd treat her a lot better than her current boyfriend. But your objective is still selfish, despite your intentions of treating her better. You want her for you, instead of for him, and you pawn it off for having a "lack of respect" for her current boyfriend. Your desires, no matter what, will somehow effect your choices and because of this, I think you are setting up a possible relationship with her in the future up for failure.

It is her decision and i know that. But I still have the right to think what i will.

You can think what you will, you're right. But are you willing to express your feelings to her openly, making her relationship with her boyfriend even more complicated, as well as her relationship with you? Are you prepared to pour your heart out for the sake of just making things more confusing?

So, people, please, as soon as i say something, dont blow it out of the water, or out of porportion. Read it, think about it, try to be constructive, as most of u have or at least tried to. I thank them for that. I do not thank those that have done what is demeaning to me or what i have said, as it is very uncalled for, unchristian-like, and not needed.

Uncalled for, not Christian-like, and demeaning? You asked for advice, so that is called for. Every piece of advice I give I try passing through a God-filter, because in my heart of hearts, I'm just trying to provide what I believe are helpful words to avoid your heartache or hers. And demeaning? How was I ever demeaning? Maybe you are referring to someone else, because never do I recall getting out of hand, calling you any sort of name, or anything of the sort. If you are thinking of my "meddler/relationship-wrecker" comment, I don't apologize. Because as you just said, you *DO* want them to break up and you *DO* want her to be *YOUR* girlfriend, and by definition, that's selfish. And I think coveting?

U can use words that dont tear down, but build up, that help. As my coach has also said, "critque not criticize." And take note that a non-christian man said this. Makes u start to think. It made me.

I'm not going to sugarcoat it. I think what you are doing is wrong and you should avoid it at all costs. If your desires were what is BEST FOR HER, than I think you would back down and simply be her friend and try to avoid one-on-one settings with her, as that only hightens intimate feelings. But at the same time, I doubt you're going to do that, because I maintain that I think you still need to grow up some. And growing up is not a bad thing! I don't mean it in a bad way! I had to grow up too! At one point, you just gotta say, "This is ridiculous. If we were meant to be together, God will put us together. But obviously, now is not the right time. So I am going to be there for her, support her, and be a good friend, but as for pursuing a relationship with her right now, that's just not possible."

[DJ Kirby]

Originally Posted by BillSPrestonEsq

You know, you are extroardinarily rude and blind.

You want her. Period. Hence what is in your way is evil. Its a guys mind, very simply. Don't try and whitewash your motives. You are human. You are trying to steal a man's girlfriend and want people's endorsement plain and simple. You don't have any respect for the fact that she is in a relationship already. That much you have thouroughly demonstrated. Also Carly's advice was good. If you succeed, you will be a rebound. Be so rude again and im closing your thread!

You are right, i do want her. What is in my way is not evil, not to me at least, i respect him, to it may be little. I am human, i know that. Never, as i have previously stated, was it my intention to steal his gf, i am waiting for her decision to break up with him if that be so. If not, i respect that, as i have also said previously. I have never demonstrated the opposite, maybe u misinterpereted it. Carly's advice was good, and i thank her and send my apoligies if i have offended her, but i also chose prior to this thread not to be on the rebound. And might I add, sir, that ur words have been very strong, offending, and un-christian like. Close my thread or be so rude to me again and i will be reporting u to ur directors and will not stop fighting until u have been stripped of ur title as an administrator. As my code of conduct goes for anyone that i meet, i treat people as equals, that means if they degrade me with slanderous words or actions, i will have very little respect of them as they will be degraded in my mind until they have become the equal with the same degraded person i have be protrayed as. Mind your words and actions around me. I do not take anything lightly, whether good or bad, it always means something. There is no such thing as "small talk" to me.

[Carly.]

Originally Posted by DJ Kirby

You are right, i do want her. What is in my way is not evil, not to me at least, i respect him, to it may be little. I am human, i know that. Never, as i have previously stated, was it my intention to steal his gf, i am waiting for her decision to break up with him if that be so. If not, i respect that, as i have also said previously. I have never demonstrated the opposite, maybe u misinterpereted it. Carly's advice was good, and i thank her and send my apoligies if i have offended her, but i also chose prior to this thread not to be on the rebound. And might I add, sir, that ur words have been very strong, offending, and un-christian like. Close my thread or be so rude to me again and i will be reporting u to ur directors and will not stop fighting until u have been stripped of ur title as an administrator. As my code of conduct goes for anyone that i meet, i treat people as equals, that means if they degrade me with slanderous words or actions, i will have very little respect of them as they will be degraded in my mind until they have become the equal with the same degraded person i have be protrayed as. Mind your words and actions around me. I do not take anything lightly, whether good or bad, it always means something. There is no such thing as "small talk" to me.

You basically just asked for your thread to be close.

[bobthecockroach]

Originally Posted by DJ Kirby

Maybe u missed this, read the post entirely and dont cut out the entire middle section of it.

I'm still missing it, but that's ok; I'll go on what you said here.

maybe along the lines of how should i deal with the feelings i have now until something happens. those feelings arent going to go away and right now, their tearing me apart inside. so, i dont know if u can think of anything then, please help, but right now the most i know is that somethings missing and i dont know what it is... i know that its not there... i just dont know what goes there in this great big puzzle of mine.

Let me quote a great philosophical thinker of our time... Charlie Brown.

"Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter quite like unrequited love."

It's true. There's no erasing it or just getting over it or ignoring the feelings. She can't love/like you like you want her to (I am NOT saying it is a bad thing for you to want her to like you). That's not a pleasant feeling. However, allow me to quote a real philosopher this time.

"[People] tend to turn into the thing they are pretending to be." - C.S. Lewis

Now, I'm not saying that you're pretending. Actually, I think I'm saying that you should pretend. Act like you have no particular feelings toward her, act like you don't want her to break up with her boyfriend and go out with you. This action will eventually have an effect on your feelings. If you can really just be a friend, then your feelings will eventually subside, and with them, the hurt from not being able to express them.

Now, let me make clear what I'm NOT saying. I'm not saying that it will be easy. Basically, what I'm suggesting is self-denial (of the expression of your feelings and hopes for a relationship). There's very little more difficult than self-denial. With God's help, though, you can do it.

Let me quote a passage from the Bible and another philsopher.

John 15:13
Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one's life for his friends.

"Love consists in a mutual sharing of goods, for example, the lover gives and shares with the beloved." - St. Ignatius

Or more simply, to summarize both, love gives of itself.

To go on being her friend and "deny yourself" with regards to your feelings and your desire to share them, you will be acting with great love. Not only is it best for you, it's best for her. I pray that God will give you this kind of love and the strength to live with these feelings. I know it's tough but with God's help, you can do it.

[SilverNitrate]

Originally Posted by DJ Kirby

And might I add, sir, that ur words have been very strong, offending, and un-christian like.

They have? Where?

Originally Posted by DJ Kirby

Close my thread or be so rude to me again and i will be reporting u to ur directors and will not stop fighting until u have been stripped of ur title as an administrator.

Good luck... seeing as how he hasn't been rude. And if you feel he has been rude, please state the phrase/words where he was rude because I missed them.

Originally Posted by DJ Kirby

As my code of conduct goes for anyone that i meet, i treat people as equals, that means if they degrade me with slanderous words or actions, i will have very little respect of them as they will be degraded in my mind until they have become the equal with the same degraded person i have be protrayed as.

And this is Chrst-like... how?

[BillSPrestonEsq]

consider this a warning. do this again to someone and I will ban you

[BillSPrestonEsq]

Originally Posted by DJ Kirby

You are right, i do want her. What is in my way is not evil, not to me at least, i respect him, to it may be little. I am human, i know that. Never, as i have previously stated, was it my intention to steal his gf, i am waiting for her decision to break up with him if that be so. If not, i respect that, as i have also said previously. I have never demonstrated the opposite, maybe u misinterpereted it. Carly's advice was good, and i thank her and send my apoligies if i have offended her, but i also chose prior to this thread not to be on the rebound. And might I add, sir, that ur words have been very strong, offending, and un-christian like. Close my thread or be so rude to me again and i will be reporting u to ur directors and will not stop fighting until u have been stripped of ur title as an administrator. As my code of conduct goes for anyone that i meet, i treat people as equals, that means if they degrade me with slanderous words or actions, i will have very little respect of them as they will be degraded in my mind until they have become the equal with the same degraded person i have be protrayed as. Mind your words and actions around me. I do not take anything lightly, whether good or bad, it always means something. There is no such thing as "small talk" to me.

it was so good that you called it the worst advice you had ever been given. You know for your threats I am strongly tempted to ban you for your threats.