The Objectives Involved With The Fire(RC plz)

Opie · 11-09-2004, 08:51 PM

heres my newest...RC away(all caps generally means scream or alot of emotional UMPH)

V1)Burn your bridges...BREAK my HEART
too late for expression...too late for aggression...
Confronted by the fire...and purged all the while...
Not forgotten in this last hour of deception and confession...

PC)LONG AFTER THE FIRE HAS GONE...
These ashes blown in the wind...
A lifetime of letters blazed in our hearts...
These word's conviction never ends...IT NEVER ENDS!

C)Passion, A fatal attraction, It brings me to you...
Rapture, The sweetest capture, release is what it can do for you...
Surprise, A wolf in disguise among all of these pristine sheep
Attention, Intervention by a broken hearted lover who can't find it in him to sleep...tonite...
Pryed from these Jaws, jaws of defeat...JAWS OF DEFEAT
and crying from this lack of love achieved...LOVE ACHIEVED

V2)Turn back to the arms of pain, OF PAIN
To these eyes that seek you out...YOU ONLY HAVE THE WORLD TO GAIN
But to take it away, take it away, TAKE IT AWAY
And never pay attention...To go against the grain and...

PC & C again

B) And I'm burning out...
And I'm burning out and away...
And I'm fading away...FADING AWAY...FADING AWAY...

PC last time but no C

it written from the perspective of God...Its where He's getting to the point where He has to take drastic measures to get the attention of someone that its hard to get to...tell me what you think and ask questions if you need to!

Vvildcard · 11-10-2004, 12:40 PM

Your Verses don't line up with eachother... at least from what I can see. I'm also wary of the chorus because of it's length. Not to say having a long chorus is bad, it's just a little much if you want it to be the focal point of the song.

Opie · 11-10-2004, 04:40 PM

The verses are more dependant on the rhythm of the verses...Its hard to see in writing but once you hear it you'd understand...

The chorus is a bit lengthy...It goes by faster though...

dream of angels · 11-10-2004, 08:54 PM

I think its good, it flows well, and has great word choices. Theres no reason to stick to a "conventional" length or structure. There's great imagery and meaning throughout the whole song, I think it's great. I like how you capitalized the extra-passionate parts, that helps convey some of the feeling you would only get from hearing the song.