[Epaphras]

In your experience, what did you do (or wish you had done) to prepare for marriage while dating/courting? I mean practical things that help and serve you in your marriage relationship now - habits, patterns, lifestyle changes/adjustments - that benefited (or maybe detracted from) your current relationship?

See where I'm going with this? Sorry for not being more clear. Ask if you need clarification.

In short, how can I lead my girlfriend and I in a relationship that will prepare for marriage, both for each of us individually, and as a couple (things you can't learn individually), even if we're not going to be married to each other, but will benefit both our future marriages?

Thanks.

_Sean

[KATSRUS5]

well ... i'm not married yet ... but i read this one book thats really helped in just my relationship with nate ... Gary Smilies "Making Love Last Forever" ... i really learned a lot about myself and how to deal with various things

[Singin4Him82]

Originally Posted by Epaphras

In short, how can I lead my girlfriend and I in a relationship that will prepare for marriage, both for each of us individually, and as a couple (things you can't learn individually), even if we're not going to be married to each other, but will benefit both our future marriages?

The most important thing in marriage and in any other relationship as well is to keep Christ first. If you learn how to keep Christ first in your relationships before marriage that will continue when you get married. Another thing that will benifit you both now and even more in the future is to keep your physical relathionship to a minimum. You will never regret not doing something physical with someone before marriage but you might regret doing it. I believe it helps keep your minds much more clear and keeps the couple open to what God has in store for them, whether it be marriage or not. Sometimes when you have a strong physical relationship it can really distract and blind you. Guard your hearts and keep open minds as you date, do not become to serious to soon. Think about things in the sense of you could possibly be dating someone elses future wife, treat her as you would hope another guy would be treating your future wife.

That's all i have for now. I hope this helps ya.

[Praisey]

one important thing i learned is that when the going gets tough, the commitment to stay together should get tougher.

a lot of ppl in relationships nowadays, when they fight or have problems they tend to just say "it's not working out.. let's break up". relationships, whether romantic, family or friendships.. takes work and commitment... i think the main reason why the statistics for divorce are high is because one of the couple if not both just gives up working on the relationship.

[danalyn]

learn to talk through conflicts (which I think kinda tails off what Mylene was saying). Communication is a huge thing... and you know, it doesn't necessarily have to be sitting on the couch talking. My husband & I communicate alot through PM's here on CGR!

and the other thing is, actually have the prayer/devotion time. It's one thing to talk to each other and promise that you're going to do it... and then let that slip through the cracks. Devotions make a huge difference in your personal life, and they'll do the same thing for you as a couple...
'k. I'll step off my soapbox now.

[1 Upon A Time]

1. Guard your purity.
2. Always be real and true to yourself and to each other. When you're boyfriend/grilfriend it's always easy to let the other person win, to be "nice" all the time and believe that love will conquer all. But in marriage when you get see each other's weakness and show the real self, it can lead to WAR. Because if you don't give in to the other person she might think "YOU DON't LOVE ME AS YOU USED TO!"
3. Always learn to forgive.
4. ALways look at what is good in the other person.
5. Also, if you really do plan to marry a girl, talk about money. Like who will budget and stuff like that.
6. Plan how many children you want to have and when. Baby changes everything you know!
7. Never expect your partner to fill your every longing. To always lift you and meet your expectations. Only the Lord can do that.

Obviously, you're hearing from someone who has been married for quite sometime.

8. The man is the head of the family. The spiritual leader, and his home "his parish."
9. Don't make a lot of promises before the marriage. Anything you say can be used against you. He, he.
10. Lastly, and most importantly... put the LORD first in everything. He is the source of all knowledge and love. He can keep your love alive for as long as you keep your love burning for Him too.

Originally Posted by danalyn

learn to talk through conflicts (which I think kinda tails off what Mylene was saying). Communication is a huge thing... and you know, it doesn't necessarily have to be sitting on the couch talking. My husband & I communicate alot through PM's here on CGR!

and the other thing is, actually have the prayer/devotion time. It's one thing to talk to each other and promise that you're going to do it... and then let that slip through the cracks. Devotions make a huge difference in your personal life, and they'll do the same thing for you as a couple...
'k. I'll step off my soapbox now.

[1 Upon A Time]

One more thing, remember that a woman is different from a man in infinite ways. Know as much as you can, how different and complex a woman is.

PS.
I suggest you read the Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman

[danalyn]

Originally Posted by 1 Upon A Time

Obviously, you're hearing from someone who has been married for quite sometime.

I thought that when I saw that you'd posted here... "she's not newly married!"

but after reading your post, you've brought up things that those of us who have been married only a few months may not have thought of...

[Jay42]

Speaking as another married but not-so-recently married:

As for making sure your beliefs are on track, I agree with Delaina.

I would like to highlight the importance of what 1 Upon A Time said:

You must have the discussion about children in depth. Don't just leave it as "you wanna have kids someday too? okay cool." Talk about how many you two wish to have (if any), and talk about when you want to have them.

I have seen this create a huge rift between otherwise loving couples.

[erikavanhuis]

I would like to echo everything that has been said. That's all great stuff. I also would like to add that it can't be stressed enough spending time in prayer together and keeping your focus on God. I think it's also a good idea to at least once a year do something for marriage enrichment, whether it be a conference, a weekend away, or even a counseling session with your pastor. The counseling doesn't imply that there's problems. My husband and I have been anxious to do another session just because we had such a great time doing pre-marital counseling. It's just a good idea just to make sure things are still on track.