Predicting the Financial Feasibility of Marriage

Benny Hicks · 10-29-2004, 11:20 AM

My girlfriend and I have been dating seriously for about three years, and very much feel that we are ready to get engaged and start making preparations to get married. We don't want to be engaged for longer than a year. Now, we both have two years left in college. I am working two part time jobs in addition to doing work study so that I will be able to both pay off some of my debt to the school and save up some money. My girlfriend is working for a doctor's office as a medical assistant, but she is unable to work very many hours.

I am trying to decide whether or not it is (a) possible and (b) smart for us to get engaged after this school year. I know that I will be able to have a job over the next two summers where I will be making at least $8.25 an hour and will be able to work 50-55 hours per week, so hopefully I will make around $7,000-$8,000 dollars. I currently have about $2500 in my bank account, and I plan to work for the rest of this school year and probably during my next school year.

I guess that's pretty much my background information. I'm going to need to find out the minimum amount we need in order to be able to survive financially until we are working and able to support ourselves. She is going into nursing school, so she will immediately start with a strong income right out of school. I'm having to decide what to do with our loan situation, if it'd be best to wait until after college to get married so I can use the money I've saved up to pay off my/our loans or if I can spend that money to enable us to get married and then pay off our debts with the money that we will make in the future.

I know that all the married/engaged people have probably had at least somewhat similar experiences, so what advice could you give me? Any input would be greatly appreciated.

Ben

Chris · 10-30-2004, 03:45 AM

One peice of advice you'll more than likely run into in counselling (should you go ahead and propose) is not to enter marriage in debt. Most of marriages that fail are because of financial problems. I think it might be a good idea to go through a counselling session or two, primarily the financial protion of a study. That will give you the best idea as to financial situations and the like. I'd personally reccomend (if possible) going through H. Norman Wright's study Before You Say I Do. Dana and I used that one and it's a fantastic pre-marital counselling program. I think it'd speak volumes more than anyone here can really say without copying from it.

Good luck.

Benny Hicks · 10-30-2004, 01:40 PM

Thank you very much, I appreciate the recommendation and I'll definitely check it out. I hadn't thought about marital counseling, but I think that that is an excellent idea as well.

Ben

danalyn · 10-30-2004, 10:42 PM

going down that rabbit trail, one person to ask about counselling courses, etc. would be Delaina (Singin4Him82) I remember her telling me they took several courses before they married.

are you living with your parents or on campus or in apartments or...?

Benny Hicks · 11-01-2004, 10:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by danalyn

are you living with your parents or on campus or in apartments or...?

I live on campus at Montreat College.

Ben

Singin4Him82 · 11-01-2004, 02:16 PM

I would most certainly agree with Chris on the issue of debt. In preparation for marriage my husband and did many things as Dana said above. My husband and I went to a very popular Christian marriage conference called "family life" you can look online for dates in your area. We also went through a course called "Before you say I do", that was very helpful for us because we went through it with other engaged couples of all ages, the lead speakers had been married for 25+ years and were very strong Christians. They had some great things to say that really helped us along the way and still help us. Then the most important thing we did was get premarital counseling from the pastor who married us. Most pastors won't marry you without giving you premarital counseling first. Out of all those things we did every single one of them talked about how important finacial stability is in a marriage and how marrying when in debt is the worst choice you can make.

It is a proven statistic that finacial troubles are the number one cause of divorce and troubles in marriage. I would strongly encourage you to pray very hard about this issue. From the information about the amount of money you've said you would be making I see that as a very low number when it comes to supporting two people.

Not only that but you never know what type of expenses you will come across when you're married. For example, my husband and I were married 100% debt free and had saved a good amount of money before we got married. However, recently I was backed into by a man in a big truck and his insurance company caused us A LOT of problems refusing to pay for certain things, it was a big mess and we ended up paying for a lot on our own. Along with that, at the same time my puppy got sick and cost over $100 to get better. All these things came up without warning and they're things we had to pay for right away, thankfully we had savings and family would helped us work things out. If we would not have saved anything we would be in big trouble. Like I said, you just never know what will happen and you have to be prepared for that. What if one of you were to get sick, have an accident, or even more likely get pregnant but had no savings to help you out there? You don't want to enter into something and just "get by" or hope you can make it. You need to be responsible and make sure you're fully prepared. My husband and I are both in school, he's getting his masters and I'm finishing my BA but he works at the school and we get free school so that helps us. If we did not get our school payed for it would be a lot tougher to stay in college and be married. Please thing this through, don't make a decision based on impatience but on what you feel God wants for you both right now.

snizzle · 11-01-2004, 05:39 PM

What about student loans? This can wind up being a pretty large sum over the 5 or 6 years before i graduate. Should I wait until i get all of it paid off before getting married? That could take quite a few years...
-shane

BurntHombre · 11-01-2004, 07:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by snizzle

What about student loans? This can wind up being a pretty large sum over the 5 or 6 years before i graduate. Should I wait until i get all of it paid off before getting married? That could take quite a few years...
-shane

Are you being serious? If your student loans are anything like mine, they won't be paid off before you reach middle age.

Xkcer Man · 11-01-2004, 07:44 PM

Lynnette and I are dealing with this issue a little right now. We're getting married January 1st and she's graduating in May, but will start a two year physical therapy program next fall which will cost about $10,000 (but I'm sure she'll get some scholarships). I'm going to graduate in May of 2006 and become a band director, and I don't suspect getting that position will be difficult in this area.

Right now we have $13,000 or so saved up and can make a little money here and there, but we can't work too much because of school (although band grants and scholarships are big helps). We've got about $1,000 left to pay for the wedding and figured it would cost us about $1,500 a month to live.

The big question right now is do we accept money from parents (probably only mine because of problems her family is dealing with right now) and have them expect to be in on some of the decisions we make or try to "make it ourselves" knowing that it will be hard.

Who has any experience with the issue of parents supporting you after marriage?

Singin4Him82 · 11-01-2004, 09:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Xkcer Man

Lynnette and I are dealing with this issue a little right now. We're getting married January 1st and she's graduating in May, but will start a two year physical therapy program next fall which will cost about $10,000 (but I'm sure she'll get some scholarships). I'm going to graduate in May of 2006 and become a band director, and I don't suspect getting that position will be difficult in this area.ffice

ffice" />>>

Quote:

Originally Posted by Xkcer Man

Right now we have $13,000 or so saved up and can make a little money here and there, but we can't work too much because of school (although band grants and scholarships are big helps). We've got about $1,000 left to pay for the wedding and figured it would cost us about $1,500 a month to live.

So correct me if I'm wrong here, you're saying you won't have a full-time job when you're married and in school? If this is true do you plan to spend all of your savings to live? What happens when that is gone? What happens if you have unexpected expenses that you can't handle? I'm curious how you figure it will cost $1,500 to live monthly. That sounds like a fairly low number IMO.

Quote:

The big question right now is do we accept money from parents (probably only mine because of problems her family is dealing with right now) and have them expect to be in on some of the decisions we make or try to "make it ourselves" knowing that it will be hard.

>>

I would strongly advise against that. If you begin your marriage with your parent’s money it is IMO irresponsible. You should be able to support a family yourself or not get married until you can. Getting married is about creating a family of your own. It just doesn't seem as if you and your fiance have really thought this though financially. Would you want borrowing money from your parents because you're not capable of making your own to be hanging over your head? Personally that would make me feel so guilty. I just don't see how you can act as the husband God calls me to be in taking care of and being head of his family if you get married already with your mind set on having the financial support of your parents. Why not just wait until you can be sure you can afford to be on your own as a family? What is the rush? >>

I'm sorry if this sounds harsh but as I said above, the number one reason marriages have problems and end in divorce is because of financial reasons. Why get married when finances are unstable?>>

danalyn · 11-01-2004, 10:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Xkcer Man

Who has any experience with the issue of parents supporting you after marriage?

um, you'll probably get a much larger response if you take this question into the generic "wedding thread"

I think it's a little busier than this one.

as for the money issue: Chris & I are currently both working full time, paying rent, and paying off his student loan. (as well as looking to send him back to school in the future) It's hard work. But y'know, I'm not sure I'd advise against it necessarily. Just be aware of how much work it really is...

Chris · 11-01-2004, 11:14 PM

yeah, plus my necessary payments are like $64.17 a month. I think when they talked about debt they were more talking about credit card companies sending letters saying they break thumbs and stuff like that.

danalyn · 11-01-2004, 11:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chris

yeah, plus my necessary payments are like $64.17 a month. I think when they talked about debt they were more talking about credit card companies sending letters saying they break thumbs and stuff like that.

student loans were mentioned. mind, yours isn't $20,000 but it's still a loan, it's still a debt...

Chris · 11-02-2004, 12:04 AM

good point. but there is a slight difference between 5,500 and 20,000. Plus, student loans aren't as bad as bank loans or anything like that. You get like ten years to pay them off. (Or that's about what it'd take just going with the minimum payment.)

snizzle · 11-02-2004, 07:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BurntHombre

Are you being serious? If your student loans are anything like mine, they won't be paid off before you reach middle age.

So student loans would be the exception to the 'Don't get married with debt' rule? Cuz i'm looking at probably at least $20,000 or so...stupid bible college...
-shane