Inviting a drunk to our wedding?

Robbi · 10-21-2004, 10:39 PM

I have a problem thats weighing on my shoulders alot.

I will give you a quick run down of family history first,
My cousin Mira, is married to Andrew who have been seperated for 3 years now. Mira is a mother of 3, youngest being 8 yrs old, oldest 16, and she lives on her own with the children.

They became seperated after Andrew started drinking more often and has been abusive, but usually is not an abusive person.

Andrew is an alcoholic. All our families, especially Aunt and Uncle, the church, have been trying to help him continuosly through his problems. He was staying with my Aunty and Uncle on condition that he wouldnt drink, but he wouldnt give up his drinking habit. He will claim that hes stopped drinking and for us to take him back into our lives only to find that he sneaks alcohol with him into his room, and even coming home drunk on occasions.

He rarely visits his wife and kids, and doesnt help out at all financially.
Basically, all our families, and his own, dont want to know him anymore.

I still feel he is part of the family, and have spoken to him via mobile and he told me that he is fine and stopped drinking. I dont know if I should believe him or not.

My parents told me not to invite him to our wedding, that he will cause a scene, get drunk and ruin it. The feeling is also mutual from his wife.

I want to invite him to the wedding, but dont think it would be a good idea.
Everyones saying no, but my heart says yes. Help please!!
Rob

bobthecockroach · 10-21-2004, 10:46 PM

Jesus hung out with whores and drunkards. I say go for it. Love is patient, believes all things and hopes all things. I think inviting him would be an act of trust and an act of love. Who knows, maybe it will be the thing that finally gets through to him.

***BillSPrestonEsq*** · 10-21-2004, 11:09 PM

Be cautious is my thought. I am not so sure if its a good idea because of his wife and kids. Will they be struggling with him being there?

I had to deal with this issue on a different level. My fiancee has a schizophrenic aunt. Also we have alchoholics on both sides. Our solution, a dry wedding, and leaving the schizophrenic in the dark as to when it is.

SilverNitrate · 10-22-2004, 12:30 AM

If it were me, I would invite him. My uncle wasn't invited to my sister's wedding (well, he was invited, but the invite was returned... and no effort was made to re-send or call) and he was hurt by it. Granted, my uncle is no longer married to my aunt, but I (and my brother/sister) still view him as family, but my aunt didn't want him at the wedding. (therefore, neither did my mom or grandma) Anyways, what I'm trying to say is, if you view him as family, invite him to the wedding. Find someone else who still views him as family and ask if they would mind helping this man at the wedding to refrain from any alcoholic drinks.

Robbi · 10-22-2004, 01:05 AM

Im going tomorow to visit my cousin and I will ask her and the kids how they feel. I too feel cautious about inviting him because of her and the kids.

I dont now...............

Chris · 10-22-2004, 01:27 AM

well, especially with kids involved, I'd lean towards not inviting him. If it was adults only it'd be a little more feasible. But if kids, not to mention his kids are there it could very well serve to emotionally scar them to see their father in a state of drunkeness. (If he either shows up drunk or you're having a wet wedding that is).

danalyn · 10-22-2004, 01:31 AM

we invited a drunk (one of my grandfathers) however, we curbed this by not serving alcohol. is this something you could consider...?

Robbi · 10-22-2004, 01:36 AM

Ummm, nope. Having a dry wedding, I think the guests would end up looking like they were at a funeral. But we are limiting the amount there is, my brothers a heavy drinker and hes gonna be the best man, so I have to make sure he definately doesnt have too much.

smitty2622 · 10-22-2004, 08:57 AM

What does you future wife think? If you guys want him there then invite him. You can have a dry wedding and reception at the church, and then have a little get together with the wedding party and a little wine afterwards that way you get both. No families are perfect they all problems there not the end of the world. This is your day you have to decide what you guys want and then do it.

Peace

ChrisHarbison · 10-23-2004, 02:26 PM

Friend, if you've got some heavy drinkers coming to your wedding, then I'd say having a dry wedding would undoubtedly be the best way to solve your problems. You can't invite an alcoholic person to a wedding with liquor/beer/wine and tell him, "no". That's like taking a kid who wants candy to a candy store and tell him, "no".