[backtoreality]

Cannot These Winter Months Pass On

Cannot these winter months pass on?
Into the various depths and beyon'
this high kingdom Memory
and sweep to Triviality?

Cannot this sea of sorrows go
from hence and to the woods below
beyond the current path of thought
into the river as it aught?

Cannot this wounded heart be healed
through happy times and turn of wheel?
Cannot this sorrowed state be quit
by turn of phrase and other wit?
Cannot this demon be appeased
cannot it fall to atrophy?
This and that I cannot tell
for burden still within me swells

BackToReality aka The Creature

[Nathanael]

I like. Very cool work.

[backtoreality]

Thanks.

Anybody else? Anyone at all?

[jdironfist]

w00t w00t!

It's really good, but dreary kinda. I like it, too.

[Amanda]

NICE.

[backtoreality]

Thanks guys,

Here's another...

Destiny

Standing in a vernal bloom
caged within a lightless tomb
yet all the flowers visible
and all of them unreachable

Is this the justice of this world?
Cannot my feelings be unfurled?
Instead behind a cage they lay
decay and fester dreadfully

They cannot mine innards see
of mine feelings aren't privy
Cannot I burst through darkened tomb
cannot I freedom from this womb?

One flower grazes up to me
seems to look upon in glee
I pound and pound in hor'ble rage
but she sees not my true visage

The coffin is a wick'd facade
without it shows a happy nod
a happy face, fine visage be
on top of rage at falsity

Can this the turn of my life be
must this then be my destiny?
To live in rag'ged form within
and be shown without of happy grin

Thoughts?

BackToReality aka The Creature

[Nathanael]

I think that last one was even better in some ways. I'd better be careful or else I might be too influenced by your ideas

[backtoreality]

Yet another (yay! I have my own poetry thread!)

Speak

I scream into the black of night
shout to the nothingness of blight
yell into vacant streets of stone
and at the desolate plains moan

I scream of blights of past and present
I shout for justice to soundly resonate
yell for conclusion to this madness
and moan at the inconclusive practice

The void is populated fast
my groans die out, my moans rasp
people come across the floor
and nothing's heard, nevermore

Personally I don't think this is as good as the last two... but I don't know. Any thoughts?

(BTW, thanks for the compliments)

BackToReality aka The Creature

[Nathanael]

Something about it makes me say that too. However you're consistant in your patterns, it's just I think the theme is too black and white here and not subtle enoguh.

just my opinion tho

[backtoreality]

Thanks for the info Nathanael,

yet another...

Run

Ground passing swiftly past
air rushing by my face at last
grass trampled beneath my feet
turns to mud and sucks me deep

Why can't I truly run away
why can't the feelings disappate
why must I stay inside this shell
why can't I run from 'fernal knell
why is't such imposs'bility
why must it live resiliently?

Sinking slowly into slime
drowning in these feelings mine
slowly turning back again
to see the faces o'er head

Why can't the eyes just turn away
why must they fix and never sway
why can't the masses hide their eyes
why must they look upon this guise
why does the sludge then so intrigue
why must it such attraction be?

In time I must decision make
to turn and hide or re'eal straight
to slowly sink into the slime
or lay complete revealed in time

I wish to run

Not sure how good, bad, indifferent this one is... leaning toward the indifferent, but unsure. Thoughts?

BackToReality aka The Creature

[backtoreality]

No replies... though nobody else seems to be getting replies either...

Anyway, yet another poem (I think this one is better than the last few)

Frozen

In frozen posture do I stand
in center of a million men
all are frozen just as I
in ambiguous posture lie

One wields an axe above his head
is't merely greeting or war with him?
Another holds an arrow knocked
Am I at fault or another lot?
One holds a shield in strong show
is it 'gainst me or another foe?
One grins without revealing much
is it in war or out of trust?
One cries behind me mournfully
is it in fact all due to me?
One screams and shouts cries and profanes
is it of me that such is made?
One wields half extended hand
is't for mid thrust or handshake had?
One maiden's hand is likewise shown
for love or hate it is unknown.

In this frozen world mine
all is fore'er in time
must it always as such be
can I ne'er conclusion see?

Thoughts?
BackToReality aka The Creature

[backtoreality]

I'm on a roll...

Half-Way Covenant

Inside a frozen pond I lie
thinking deeply as I sigh
to break the ice and rise again
or to stay and sleep within?

If I decide to sleeps the best
that nothings lacking in the rest
then all stays unconcluded
consistant unanswered thoughts intruded
but in it all the rest remains
and so the mild melancholia reigns

If I decide to rise is choice
then I must conclusion hoist
a flag, a flag of choice must fly
and reveal my innards to the sky
will the e'er bright sun shine upon
or shall the fate of Prometheus dawn?

I sit and think within the pond
to sleep and life in melancholic bond
or rise and face the truth, lay in wait of destiny?
I will conclusion but also ambiguity.

Thoughts? Thoughts on the previous poem are also welcome
BackToReality aka The Creature

[backtoreality]

Can any of the mods in this forum add "RC" to my thread name? I didn't know what it meant when I first posted... I could just start another thread, but I wouldn't mind some ruthless criticism for the poetry I've already posted.

BackToReality

[Kenningclutter]

My tip for you is as follows: experiment. Try some different flows, try some freeverse, etc. I'd say just see what happens when you play with words a little more. Right now the rigidity is is the only stumblingblock.

[backtoreality]

Thanks for the tip. I do tend to be pretty rigid in form because I've grown used to Romantic era poetry (very rigid... not so much free verse). Anywho, will attempt some... probably post tomorrow (or I guess today as late as it is now...)

BackToReality