[swtMaebird]

Hi, guys.
Well, my sister, "L" has been seeing a guy, "S" for close to a year now.
They are "just friends", however, he told her 'bout two months ago he wanted to be more than that.
The deal is: she's 18, a christian and this is her first ever relationship with a guy.
He is 21 almost 22, not a christian {his idea's are; after recently viewing the Passion are "there might be a God"}, recently divorced with one son, age 3 and a stepdaughter, age 5.
So far, they are not boyfriend/girlfriend.
The day "L" told me that she was considering the further relationship thing I gave her every sermon I could on this subject.
My mother talked to her as well, so I think that is what caused "L" to reconsider.
But I still am having a hard time dealing with it... everything my sister talks about starts with, "'S' says..." nothing else... and our relationship is very, very strained because of this whole thing.
Any thoughts guys?
This is the biggest issue in my life, and I cannot concentrate on much else.
If nothing else, please keep my sis in your prayers.
Thanks!!

[gg7]

ask her who she loves more: God or this guy?
if she loves God more then she obviously won't get involved with this guy in a romantic way against His will. i'm sure you've already cited scripture and such as to why she shouldn't further this relationship.
it just seems like your little sister isn't very mature as a Christian or she wouldn't even be considering this relationship. she's already playing with fire sounds like, and you know what can happen when you do that. in the end, it comes down to HER decision.
but then again, if she's still living in your parents house then they can forbid her to see the guy. then she might try to rebel more though. but maybe not.
so try to put a lot of focus on her relationship with God when you're talking to her. when that is all in order, then the rest should fall into place.
i'm not saying that she won't still be tempted to go further with this guy, but she should know better and hopefully have the strength to say 'no'.

[bobthecockroach]

2 Corinthians 6:14-17
Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness? And what accord has Christ with Belial? Or what part has a believer with an unbeliever? And what agreement has the temple of God with idols? For you are the temple of the living God. As God has said:

"I will dwell in them
And walk among them.
I will be their God,
And they shall be My people."

Therefore

"Come out from among them
And be separate, says the Lord.
Do not touch what is unclean,
And I will receive you."
"I will be a Father to you,
And you shall be My sons and daughters,
Says the LORD Almighty."

---

Read this passage to her (or better yet, have her read it). The Word of God is living and powerful and it can penetrate the hardest heart, so use it!

[swtMaebird]

Thanks alot, you two.
I wish I could say these were all new ideas,
but, no, I have used these verses and such already.
It may be working.
Just last night "S"'s aunt (a Christian and splendid person), asked my sis
if she and "S" were dating.
My sis said no, that the biggest thing between them was that "S" was
not a Christian, not even religious in any way.
My sis has told "S" that because of this, their relationship can go no further.
This is very encouraging..... but still *deep sigh* I know my sis is treading
in dangerous waters.

gg7, both my parents have told my sis that she's an adult, she has to make
her own choices... but that they will vocally give their thoughts on the
issue.
And, unfortantly, forbidding my sis to see "S" would be fruitless... so I think
my parents' choice so far is wise.

bobthecockroach, thanks so much for bringing those verses back to my
thoughts... though I've used them already, it's good to have them fresh in
my head.

Please keep my sis and her "friend" in your prayers!!
Any other thoughts are very welcome!!

[Andrew]

My flesh would say: Knock the guy out, chain concrete to him, and throw him in the lake...


But that would solve nothing. Aside from telling her what you already have told her, just pray for her, and be there for her. I can't think of anything else you can do.

[swtMaebird]

Originally Posted by Andrew

My flesh would say: Knock the guy out, chain concrete to him, and throw him in the lake...


But that would solve nothing. Aside from telling her what you already have told her, just pray for her, and be there for her. I can't think of anything else you can do.

I should not smile at this... but I am!!

I've thought about it!!
But, no, you're right: that would solve nothing.
Thanks for your thoughts!!

[Matteo]

Well, before we throw the boyfriend in a river, or stone him to death. Perhaps there should be some sort of motion to prayer for him, and witnessing to the poor guy. I think we all forget how hard it is to be on the outside of the modern Christian community (I remember it sucking really hard). Yeah, she's setting herself up for a fall, but if she keeps in touch with God, there is a good chance that her boyfriend could be saved through their relationship.

[H.M. Murdock]

I am with Matteo...
I don't know that I care for how you "gave her every sermon you could" on the subject. Not exactly the smartest move. As Christians, it is out duty to gently correct each other, which means refraining from blasting away and saying "you're doing _____, _____, and _____ totally wrong, and it is a sin." That is just human reaction and will do nothing to solve the situation.
Ask her what she has to gain. Ask her if she thinks he will become a Christian. Grill her about her stance on this in a loving way. It is not your duty to tell someone they are wrong; it is your duty to provoke thoughts which lead to conviction and advancement of your fellow Christian's walk with God.
Pray for him fervently. Odds are she will go ahead with this; a mind in "love" is a mind that is rendered useless. Pray for both of them. And get everyone you possibly can to pray for them.

[Sean]

The age issue is nothing. Don't worry about that at all.


Scripture is pretty clear that its wrong for a Christian to date a non-believer. You've obviously already told her this. If she isn't responding to scripture, then that is a serious issue. However, its also not something that can be solved through effort on your part. You can show her the Word, pray for her and encourage her in the right direction, but in the end you can't make her do anything.

Obviously I don't know exactly whats going on between you two, but it seems like you're getting overly emtional over a relationship that isn't even official yet. When you talk about your relationshp being "very, very strained because of this whole thing" that makes me think that you're probably coming off very strong to her. I don't know her personality, but to a lot of people you coming off strong will encourage them to act against you.

A heartfelt and gentle talk about something can open someones eyes to their sin. A knee jerk, strained, sermon about how wrong her actions are will get her on the defensive and push her away. Be sincere with her, not emotional. Don't focus "S," focus on her spiritual life and her relationship with God. That is the core of the problem.

[Matteo]

Originally Posted by H.M. Murdock

I am with Matteo...
I don't know that I care for how you "gave her every sermon you could" on the subject. Not exactly the smartest move. As Christians, it is out duty to gently correct each other, which means refraining from blasting away and saying "you're doing _____, _____, and _____ totally wrong, and it is a sin." That is just human reaction and will do nothing to solve the situation.
Ask her what she has to gain. Ask her if she thinks he will become a Christian. Grill her about her stance on this in a loving way. It is not your duty to tell someone they are wrong; it is your duty to provoke thoughts which lead to conviction and advancement of your fellow Christian's walk with God.
Pray for him fervently. Odds are she will go ahead with this; a mind in "love" is a mind that is rendered useless. Pray for both of them. And get everyone you possibly can to pray for them.

Finally someone who agrees with me!!!!!!

[swtMaebird]

Hi.
Thanks to you guys for responding.... let me clarify a few things though...
My sister and I were incredibly close for most of our lives.... I know her better than anyone else she knows.
That is simply that simple, the reason our relationship is strained is because
of this sudden change... namely "S". When I look back... that's where it all started.

Matteo: I don't like the guy.. but I have never been anything but pleasant to him. I would love for him to become a Christian.
But I personally know people who have dated a non-believer... saying that they can "change them" or get them saved. Yeah, no, it did not work. So I really can't condone that type of thing.
My little sis is a sweet person.. but she's not strong enough in her faith
to see the super fine line between "far enough" and "too far"...
(And the poor guy line is terrible!!!)

Sean and H. M. Murdock... my sis and I are hot blooded Italians, we yell, scream, cry and plead with each other... and two minutes later we are the best of friends.
The "sermons" I gave her were far from holier-than-thou-fire-and-brimstone-mimicries. No, they were verses, and my own personal thoughts.
She took them very well.... it just didn't sink in too awfully deep.
When she's with "S"... he hung the moon.. ya know?
I believe that she wants to make the right choice.. but she doesn't want to lose "S".

Sean: the age issue doesn't really bother me all that much... it's his
years of experience compared to her complete lack that bugs the life out of
me. He's a father... she's a virgin. He lives for weekend parties.. she's never done any of that stuff.
I know my sis has been very plain about her stand on pre-martial sex... but still... I worry.

I've been very careful about how I talk to my sis about this issue... so pushing her away is not a worry right now. The strain is in the background... I think that truly I feel it more... hard to explain.
Any of you the oldest in your family... very maternal/paternal... insanely over-protective?
You might understand.
This guy is not the man any of those close to my sis thought of when they
invisioned her dating.
Trust me, no family would. *sigh*
But, I'm biased.

Well, thanks so much for your thoughts and prayers.
Any more are welcome!!