Am I back? Is this thing on?

guitarfan01 · 08-13-2004, 04:08 AM

Four months ago, the only thing I wanted to do in my life was to play music. It was the only possible career for me, or at least something that had to be a major part of my life, whatever else happened. That's changed. Now, I want to help, to serve, to encourage, to shine the light of the Truth of Christ and help people see it.

Lots of songs tonight, I think.

This is weird.

Two roads diverge in a wood and I can't decide
I can't decide what to walk
Fear twists in my gut; a jet plane coming down hard
And might not survive to make it to the runway
Indecision cuts through my soul like a chainsaw
And I fall to the ground like a puppetless string

I'm sitting alone and empty while the worship band
The worship bland sings of the love
The love of the saints and I just want to sleep, erase
All these thoughts of failure, falling, failure-fear
I hold my head down in my hands and nearly drift away
That day I thought that I might die, I laid my head down to sigh

I think I hate that more than anything I've ever produced in my life. It's a giddy hate, though.

And you said that if I sought You, then I would find You
But I am powerless to seek
And you said that if I drew near, then You would also draw near
But this spirit, being dead, is much too weak

Much in the same vein is this one. The first line refers to the song in this post:

I said I would turn to you
but I don't even know how
I said I belonged to you
But I can't say that now
And it seemed so simple, once upon a time
To get myself out of bed, to put reason to rhyme

But there's something in between us, something in the way
Something that denies me, makes it impossible to say
What I need to say to you to take it all away
And I think it's me.

I'm also writing a circus song. I'll post it here if it ever gets to a postable state.

Galen

slap_j · 08-15-2004, 01:53 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by guitarfan01

Yep.

Are you reading Angle of Repose then?

Quote:

And here I was hoping for a really good post from the celebrated Josh, when I saw in my CP that he was the last one to post here, but alas, my hopes have been dashed.

My days of good posts are over. I'm just a spectre haunting the CGR index.

guitarfan01 · 08-15-2004, 01:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by slap_j

Are you reading Angle of Repose then?

Once I finally get the money to buy the sucker, yeah.

Quote:

My days of good posts are over. I'm just a spectre haunting the CGR index.

Pooey.

guitarfan01 · 08-21-2004, 04:42 AM

Ah, screw it.

swiminfast · 08-22-2004, 03:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by guitarfan01

Ah, screw it.

whats wrong?

guitarfan01 · 08-27-2004, 03:33 AM

This blog = dead.

I'm moving to the dorms tomorrow. I'm sort of glad to be leaving my family behind.

I've been very far from God for almost a month now. But this past week, I have drawn near to Him, and He has drawn near to me.

Carly. · 08-27-2004, 10:30 AM

Dorms?? When did this happen?!

Anchored · 08-27-2004, 11:14 AM

You're moving to the dorms, Galen? Wow. Someone needs to uppdaaate.

*sings out*

Anyways. I'm sorry you've been feeling so far from God. I will definitely be praying for you. Anything else I can pray for you about ~~this week~~ within the next seven days time frame?

**Leboman** · 08-27-2004, 10:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by guitarfan01

This blog = dead.

I'm moving to the dorms tomorrow. I'm sort of glad to be leaving my family behind.

I've been very far from God for almost a month now. But this past week, I have drawn near to Him, and He has drawn near to me.

You know....you have to kill the old blog and let God create a new one for you.

swiminfast · 08-27-2004, 11:11 PM

aww...i hope it all goes well for you

guitarfan01 · 08-28-2004, 02:01 AM

I have two feelings about college right now. Excitement and sheer naked horror (which is even worse than clothed horror, you know). I might explain later.

Galen

Praisey · 08-28-2004, 02:04 AM

college is fun! and exciting!

**Leboman** · 08-28-2004, 02:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by guitarfan01

I have two feelings about college right now. Excitement and sheer naked horror (which is even worse than clothed horror, you know). I might explain later.

Galen

Barely-naked horror is right there with it as well. It's always interesting to me how excitement and terror can walk hand-in-hand.

**Ordinary Sarah** · 08-29-2004, 11:34 AM

Hey, Galen!

Happy Birthday! I know it's a day late, but I didn't have time to post yesterday. I was thinking about you, though!!!

Hope you're day went well

hey, I hope everything goes well on monday! You'll be great. don't worry too much about it

anyways, ttyl

sarah

guitarfan01 · 09-01-2004, 05:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by avoiding

Dorms?? When did this happen?!

I first decided to around early June, I guess.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Praisey

college is fun! and exciting!

Well, it's my roommate that I was most worried about.

Quote:

Originally Posted by guitar girl

Hey, Galen!

Happy Birthday! I know it's a day late, but I didn't have time to post yesterday. I was thinking about you, though!!!

Hope you're day went well

hey, I hope everything goes well on monday! You'll be great. don't worry too much about it

Thanks Sarah.

My birthday turned out alright, and so did the first day of school.

Sunday night, I got to talk to someone that I haven't seen in a while (well, lots of someones, but especially this one). Mary Martha, while somewhat plain on the surface, is beautiful where it counts, like myself, sort of shy, and completely in love with the Lord. She left for France on Monday. *sigh* We'll have to keep in touch via the email.

She even brought up the idea of talking over the telephone at times, which surprised me somewhat. Anyway, the conversation went with each of us talking about our summers, and then her encouraging me, and then me encouraging her. ha. She was a definate blessing. Thinking about the next 12 months while she's in France...

I miss her. And I hope I keep missing her. So I'm going to have to keep her in thought and contact.

And they say that one day Joshua
Made the sun stand still in the sky
But I can't even keep these thoughts of you from passing by
Oh we are not as strong as we think we are

We are frail we are fearfully and wonderfully made
Forged in the fires of human passion
Choking on the fumes of selfish rage
And with these our hells and our heavens
So few inches apart
We must be awfully small
And not as strong as we think we are

Yesterday, I ran into lots of people. Most notably, my old semi-stalker (!), who says she's unhappily married now. I'm not sure what to do about that. Whatever Christ's love demands, I suppose. I just pray I have the wisdom and strength to do whatever has to be done, and to know what to do.

I was talking to Morgan (maux) the other day and suddenly got a flash of why we're supposed to do everything as unto the Lord, and how love works into it. Then the flash dimmed and all was dark again. Anyway, I need/want to do much better this year than I did my previous time I lived in the dorms.

I hope everyone is good and better. I am way too romantic for my own good, yay!

Galen