[newbury_legacy]

I'm sorry to throw a thread in the 'parenting' forum, without even being a parent. *grin* But I do have a question for couples and parents alike:

I'm getting married in August to a wonderful guy! *grin* We have been reading devotionals together about how we can keep our marriage strong, and the little things that we can do to grow in our faith together, and conquer this great thing we know as life! It may sound a little premature to declare that we are going to "conquer" life (conquer meaning enjoy, love, appreciate, and live life) but we are going to do our best to create a solid foundation for our family, so when we do have chidren, they will have parents to offer an example daily of what marriage and love should be about. My question for all of you out there is this:

What have you done with your spouses (small and large; daily and long-term) to build that foundation? What kinds of things do you do as the years go by to surprise eachother? Love eachother? Care for eachother? And what can my fiance and I do as the days, months, and years pass to set that concrete for our future children, and for ourselves??

Thanks for your time! It is greatly appreciated!!
Laura

[Sinker]

Lots of advice to be offered. Pray together, study Scriptures together. Worship together.

I've been married a long time. Last year I read a book that changed my marriage and my life. It's 'Reforming Marriage' by Douglas Wilson. I'd highly recommend it to both of you.

Here's a blurb from Christianbooks.com:

Description: How would you describe the spiritual aroma of your home? The source of this aroma is the relationship between husband and wife. Many can fake an attempt at keeping God's standards in some external way. What we cannot fake is the resulting, distinctive aroma of pleasure to God. Most marriage books address the mere externals of marriage, without seeking to understand the heart issues. Godly marriages proceed from an obedient heart, and the greatest desire of an obedient heart is the glory of God, not the happiness of the household.

[exo]

My #1 piece of advice after being married almost 5 years (not a lot I know) is to pray together each day.

[danalyn]

I'm kinda in the position of the original poster, getting married in the fall... and honestly, I'm surprised at the lack of advice from the married folks. I know there are more than 2 of y'all...

[Pipercostal]

Love unconditionally. Be forgiving. Don't be selfish, but always be mindful of your spouses needs. Make your priority God, then your spouse, then yourself.

[Martavius]

Originally Posted by danalyn

I'm kinda in the position of the original poster, getting married in the fall... and honestly, I'm surprised at the lack of advice from the married folks. I know there are more than 2 of y'all...

Well, I just discovered this forum, so I don't really have to make an excuse for not posting sooner. I will say that I feel this question is pretty broad and difficult to answer (especially over the internet!).

That is why my first piece of advice would be to try to cultivate relationships with older married couples in your church or community; i.e. - couples that are father along in their personal relationship and their walk with Christ. They are an invaluable resource to you, and you can be very encouraging to them, as well. Katrina and I have been blessed to become very good friends with several couples in our church that have helped us greatly.

Also pray together, go to church together, and once you have kids, reserve some time for yourselves as husband and wife, not just as father and mother.

I'll also recommend a book for husbands: Family Man, Family Leader, by Phillip Lancaster. Some of the men in my church are reading this book right now, and it has really opened my eyes.

[salvaged]

wow, i just found this too! i think you are first off to a great start, you sound to me like everything is going to be just fine! God is first!! And as mention prayer between the two of you together will soooo strengthen you guys even more! One thing i have learned to do is put each other first before your self. Sometimes it is hard when you want that new whatever, but let the other get something they have always been wanting instead of it being me,me,me, that will help for when its time for kids!!!

hmm the little things that really matter.. sweet kisses boodbye when ya leave for work... my husband kisses me every morning and i am most the time asleep, but he still does it and he tells me of how i smile when he does it. When he comes home, I run to him with a kiss and big hug!! He loves that after a long hard day to come home and know he has been missed. Love letters, we still write them to each other and leave them in special places to find. Holding hands, Did you know that in a man when his wife holds his hand that his bloodpressure goes down and can alieviate stress, they love our touch!!! i love it when I get my back rubbed too, and i tend to really soak that up cause, it dont happen everyday, but theres this sweet little voice i can use on him and he will do it everytime..hehe. Oh here's a big thing get a grill!!! Men love to grill, i dont know why? but they do, most of them and well, it is very helpful when you get tired of cooking all the time, it happens! Continue to go out on dates!! always remember you got to give alittle to get a little.

eww and heres the ugly stuff... arguing, it happens sometimes.. First be very forgiving!! it is best to not say those things you feel when you are angry cause the other person it's being said too will remember it and will be very hurt by it. i try to avoid any arguments at all costs, even if i have to go in a room and cry first before i come out and say, hey my feelings got hurt. it works out better that way.Cause then they are like ahh, honey bunny, I didnt mean too, and well ok thats enough on that, hehe. ok i noticed no one else was posting on the touchy stuff so i really went for it didnt i? oh well dont laugh at me too much and God bless, hope some of it helped.

[danalyn]

Originally Posted by salvaged

ok i noticed no one else was posting on the touchy stuff so i really went for it didnt i? oh well dont laugh at me too much and God bless, hope some of it helped.

It may have been mushy, but it was practical. I mean, who knew that holding his hand lowered his blood pressure?? That's great! Thanks for posting. It was great.

[Role Modlin]

I can't say that Robin and I are the models for having quiet time together. We both think it's important but we very rarely do it. I know, I know....excuses.

BUT, we have learned that you MUST sit down and talk honestly with one another. Especially BEFORE you get married. Find out common ground and areas of disagrement before they pop up two years down the road.

Also, plug into your local congregation. We have had so much encouragement and advice given by older, more seasoned couples.

And pray. Pray, pray....pray.

[salvaged]

Originally Posted by danalyn

It may have been mushy, but it was practical. I mean, who knew that holding his hand lowered his blood pressure?? That's great! Thanks for posting. It was great.

No problem, I'm a fool for Christ
It was kinda mushy tho

[0h_Gracie]

Well my husband and I have been married almost 20 years now, to each other I might add, hehe. And we are still working hard at it, there's a lot more for us to learn and do. But, here are a few things I know to be true:

1) Work at being observant. Pay close attention to all the little things, likes and dislikes, and then use that knowledge to surprise each other in little ways often. These little things make such an impact, and show your spouse how much you really care about them.
2) Whenever you notice anything nice or positive that your spouse has done, mention it, praise it, always always always tell them how much you appreciated it. They will just want to do it again, and it will help them to feel your love for them.
3) Whenever you do disagree, or must discuss a subject that is stressful, try to express yourself using "I" and "me" first instead of "you". Saying "You did such and such" comes across so accusing, but saying "I felt hurt when you said blah blah blah", is less threatening. Believe me, it makes a big difference.
4) Don't ever bring up negative things from the past, especially if they have been dealt with, this can be like a stab in the heart when it happens.
5) Re-entry is such an important thing day to day. Whenever either of you leave and then return again, make this a joyful time. Just as salvaged said, kiss, hug, say goodbye, and upon return make it a celebration..."Hi Honey!!! Nice to see you!" kiss-kiss, hug-hug, smooch-smooch. You get the idea.
6) Communication is so key. Talk about everything, and I mean everything. This may seem trite, but it made a big difference with my husband and I. Don't let your conversation become just a "fact relaying" thing. Continue to share your faith, feelings, struggles, beliefs, dreams, and desires.
7) Laugh together as much as possible.
8) Don't be afraid to be spontaneous, even if it doesn't seem like it would fit into your schedule. These kind of things lighten the mood and restore some of the excitement.

Hahaha. Okay, that was long! But believe me there is so much more. Just remember, telling them you love them regularly is important, but even more important is helping them to feel that you love them.

The others before me posted some great things, which I agree with. God bless you as you grow and walk in your relationship together.