Attitude problems

**Role Modlin** · 01-08-2004, 06:14 AM

We're really having a difficult time with Geoffry right now. He has decided that he doesn't want to do anything we tell him and we just don't know what to do about it. When it's time to do his homework, he just sits there and refuses to do it. We've already taken away his video games, his bike and his TV time; but he still refuses. When we ask the teacher if he's a problem at school we get told that he's a wonderful student and a joy to teach. Then he comes home and tells us how much he hates school and his teacher. It just doesn't make a lot of sense. No one else seems to have a problem with him but us. I can't help but think that we're doing something wrong somewhere, I just don't know what it is.

PianoMan · 01-08-2004, 12:39 PM

You might want to check out the parenting section at the Focus on the Family website. (www.family.com) I know James Dobson has dealt with that issue a bunch in the past.

**Ted Logan** · 01-08-2004, 12:43 PM

How old is he?

**Role Modlin** · 01-08-2004, 05:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Aaron Adams

How old is he?

Seven. Here is a typical problem I might encounter. He's already been spanked, had his bike and video games taken away, yet he refuses to do his homework. I sit him down at the table with his stuff and he will just sit there and refuse to do it, no matter what I do to coax him. Positive reinforcement doesn't seem to work, negative reinforcement doesn't seem to work. I assumed that perhaps he was having trouble at school. Called the teacher, no problems, he's a great student, everybody likes him, a joy to teach....but the minute he walks in the back door here, wham, WWIII. He's strong-willed to the Nth degree.
But, he is a good kid, so I know that there has ot be something behind this outbreak of rebellion.

Kelly · 01-08-2004, 06:09 PM

Man, that's a hard one, huh? I don't have a child that old yet, but I know our time is coming for issues of various sorts - it's unavoidable with kiddos.

Have you tried talking ot him to ask WHY he feels the way he does? I don't know how easy that is with a 7 year old, but there just has to be some underlying cause for it all.

Wish I could be more help. I'm definitely here to listen and try my best to offer good advice though.

Peace,
Kelly

Elizabeth · 01-08-2004, 09:15 PM

Has he seen anything on t.v. that might make him act that way?

hockeydad · 01-08-2004, 10:51 PM

Sounds like a control issue.

And his refusal to do his homework is showing disrespect for you by refusing to abide by your authority...and if it's not dealt with at this early age, I think it will get infinitely worse as he gets older.

Not that this helps any...

**Role Modlin** · 01-09-2004, 06:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Elizabeth

Has he seen anything on t.v. that might make him act that way?

He realy doesn't watch a lot of television and when he does, we monitor it. I really believe he's just trying to test the boundaries right now. Unfortunately for him, they've already been set. We allow for some exceptions but we've decided that we just can't budge when it comes to disrespectful behavior.

FRULLET · 01-11-2004, 10:14 PM

That stinks! Hopefully his attitude will change for you. At least he's doing well at school, but one thing I was wondering about is do the teachers ever check for homework completion?

**H.M. Murdock** · 01-12-2004, 03:30 PM

Yes, he is probably testing your boundaries. I was like that, and still am. If adequate reason for something my parents force on me is not given, I have a tendency to be as nice as a dead donkey about it. But there is a high probability that his actions are being encouraged in some way or another outside your home. Meet with the teachers at the school in person. Talk to the parents of his friends.

Quote:

At least he's doing well at school, but one thing I was wondering about is do the teachers ever check for homework completion?

It sure isn't sounding like it...

Quote:

And his refusal to do his homework is showing disrespect for you by refusing to abide by your authority...and if it's not dealt with at this early age, I think it will get infinitely worse as he gets older.

Correct to some degree. I don't think the answer is to slam him here and now, although that might be needed.

The question is, was it dealt with before? Kids get ideas very early on. Discipline is a constant in the life of a child. If this hasn't been maintained, it is likely to be part of the problem.

**Role Modlin** · 01-12-2004, 08:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by FRULLET

That stinks! Hopefully his attitude will change for you. At least he's doing well at school, but one thing I was wondering about is do the teachers ever check for homework completion?

He eventually finishes his work, so the teacher never sees the problem. I really believe it is a boundary issue. It just requires a lot of patience on our part, and prayer.

nick_the_quin · 01-23-2004, 11:21 AM

Hi, our girl is now 10 but we've seen this too. Some thoughts:

How about letting him realise that it's HIS responsibility to get the darned homework done? Just leave him to it. If he doesn't do the work, he will get into some trouble - and getting into some trouble from someone other than parants might just make him realise that the rest of the world has a right to expect stuff from him. Maybe he just seeks your attention and, much as it looks like WWII to you, maybe it's some sort of game to him. Another reason to just leave him to it.

Another thought, if you say that when he does do something (presumably not his best work, given the circumstances) the teacher says it's fine, maybe the teacher's expecting way too little of him? If he was beign set work that's challenging enough for him, there's no way he could do it adequately under those circumstances.

Good luck!

sarahfitz · 01-23-2004, 03:30 PM

Sounds like a control issue to me. I'm not a mom, but when my little sister was 7 she was the same way, except she's homeschooled. She would get into these moods were she wouldn't say anything to me, and when I'd try to get her to do her lessons, she'd refuse. Over time it's gotten better (she's 8 now) but it took a lot of talking to, discipline, and time to get her to work with us. She still gets that way sometimes, but it's definitely a control thing....

smitty2622 · 01-24-2004, 04:12 PM

We’ve been going through this with our daughter this year and had the same problems with the boys last year. I think it’s partially an age thing they want to test you. With all three children we had do school work anytime they were awake They did nothing but School work for about two to three weeks it was harder on us that them but it seems to work. If they ran out of school work my wife would download projects for them from the web. We also use pushups for discipline any disrespect or lies are countered with automatic pushups lies get from 50 to 200 depending on seriousness disrespectfulness not minding or not doing chores gets 50 to 100. It works well and gets the kids in shape! YOU have to stick to it my boys have done pushups at the mall and hockey games if they are disrespectful they do pushups immediately no matter where we are even at Church. My oldest boys can do 200 easy at 9 and 11 my daughter at 8 can do 100 the younger boys 4 and 5 can do about 25 but I think they will probably bypass their older brothers before they are 8. Hope this helps some….

Peace

Shekinah · 01-30-2004, 10:59 PM

Do you think he might be screaming for attention from you guys?

And if that is the case, maybe he's testing you guys because he knows that he might get attention and of course, reaction...

You might want to look into 1 - 2 - 3 Magic. It's an excellent book and movie... you can click here so you'll know which book I'm talking about.

My daughter has learned how to count this way. For example... I told her to sit down, and I said, "I'm going to count," then she quipped... "1, 2, 3!" She was 18 months!!!

Also, have you tried praying? God doesn't leave us nor forsake us, so He's gotta help out with parenting...