[PKfanSteph]

OK, I've decided to jump on the bandwagon. Why? Because, at least at the moment, I feel like writing. I've never been much for keeping a journal (though I've started them on several occasions!) but I thought I'd give it one more shot and combine it with something I enjoy (CGR!). I don't know how often I'll write here or what I'll say, but please feel free to respond to anything I've written. My life is a mix of message boards to frequent, email lists to run, websites to build and a real life (yes, I have one somewhere) that needs constant mending. Which is why I've called this place my "digital maze and duct tape universe".

When life is a mess (and it usually is), it helps me to write about it. And since I'm on the computer more than I'm next to a sheet of paper, it makes sense to put it here. It's usually during these hard times and moments of deep feeling and reflection that I usually write some of my best works.

More to come....

[Jay42]

w00t! Go Steph!

I'll start with the questions:

1) Since you were in Campus Crusade for Christ: Do you have a single most-valued memory from your involvement with Crusade?

2) If no one from your Crusade reads this, and if you happen to have any unpleasant memories: What was your single-worst moment in Crusade?

[PKfanSteph]

Originally Posted by Jay42

1) Since you were in Campus Crusade for Christ: Do you have a single most-valued memory from your involvement with Crusade?

I have a lot of very valued memories with Crusade. I don't know if there's one moment that stands out among the rest, but here are a few that really stand out...

One of my first CCC experiences was at an old-fashioned "sock hop" type of party. I hadn't been a Christian or going to Crusade long and still didn't know a lot of people but, my bible study mates dragged me there. I'm glad I went! Everyone was wonderful to me and it was one of the first times I remember feeling like I actually belonged somewhere and was wanted among my peers.

When I went to Panama City Beach, FL in Spring '98 for their annual "Big Break", a friend and I were out on the beach talking with a group of girls. They didn't want to hear The Four Laws so we just talked. Several of them spoke about recent hard times and devastating family losses that had driven them from God. I shared some of the good things God has done in my life as a result of my bad experiences and they responded very positively. We never got to share the Gospel directly, but I really came away encouraged that a good seed had been planted and began to realize that there are more ways to share the Good News than just reading from a booklet.

Over Christmas break 1997, we drove to Minneapolis for CCC's annual "Christmas Conference". There is one day of the conference devoted to getting out among the community, delivering care packages and sharing the Word. My friend Eric and I got our assignment and went out. When I saw where we were headed, I became very glad I had a guy with me!!! We knocked on the door of the apartment and at first nobody answered. I was ready to leave to box and go, but Eric wanted to try one more time. Someone answered but the person we wanted was not home. We were invited in anyway and spoke for a few minutes with his sister. As we were preparing to leave, the man returned and we told him who we were and what we were doing. He then began to tell us how he, his wife, sister and his five children had been on the street for an entire year and how God had provided food for every meal and a place to sleep every night. Eric and I looked at each other with eyes wide open--we weren't expecting this!!! The man and his family were strong followers of Christ and they asked if they could pray for us! What a twist! Here we had both been afraid to even approach the house and we'd been sent out on a mission to share the Gospel and it was the two of us who were being encouraged and ministered to! (Our friends waiting in the car (and no doublt freezing) were getting worried after an hour and a half when we finally came out!)

Those are just some, there are more!

Originally Posted by Jay42

2) If no one from your Crusade reads this, and if you happen to have any unpleasant memories: What was your single-worst moment in Crusade?

Well, I doubt any of my Crusade-mates reads this, but my single worst moment was my fault anyway, so I might as well share it! Maybe somone can learn from it!

Spring Break '00. I had been frustrated the entire trip by severe headaches and because our condo was a long way from everything (beach, meetingplace, store, etc) I was constantly exhausted and often breathing became difficult. Unfortunately, most of my close friends had graduated or could not come, so few of the people I went with knew me well enough (or didn't understand) that there are just some things I physically can't do. I had spent most of the week babysitting everyone's coats on the beach or back in the condo because walking any great distance was difficult, especially with a migraine. It was incredibly frustrating and I felt like nobody really cared. The final day was a "free day" and we decided to rent a boat and go look for dalphins and explore Shell Island. Everyone was going to walk the circumferance of the island but I knew I wouldn't be able to do it. We got into an argument and I just let loose and exploded a weeks' worth of frustration on these unsuspecting people. Most of them understood the reason for my outburst and thought nothing of it (a few even apologized for being so insensitive), but one individual, someone who looked up to me a great deal (I had once been her bible study leader), took it hard. She had never seen me act like that and, as far as she was concerned, I was one of the strongest, most "together" Christians she had met. For weeks, she and I barely spoke, and mutual friends told me how much that outburst had affected her. I apologized and asked for forgiveness, but the damage was done. We have since grown closer again, but our friendship has never been the same. Knowing how much I hurt her will always be one of the worst Crusade-related moments of my life. See, I'm not perfect after all!!!

How's that for answers?

[bobthecockroach]

Hey, Steph! You've gotta get this thing to 5 pages so I can make a bookmark that goes directly to the last page/post.

[PKfanSteph]

Originally Posted by bobthecockroach

Hey, Steph! You've gotta get this thing to 5 pages so I can make a bookmark that goes directly to the last page/post.

Well, OK, I'll try! But I'll need some more help!

Yesterday (Christmas) was very interesting. I spent a good portion of the day reading "condolences" cards and writing "thank you"s. It wasn't how I wanted to spend my Christmas. But, my mom and uncle Mert were together so they figured we'd better get it done. I can see a lot of similarities between my uncle and mom that I never saw before. The more I think about it, the more they are like my Grandmother was. They are very nervous and always have to be "doing" something. I'm not. I can be lazy and it won't bother me! Mom's oldest brother, Gene, is like me (or I am like him). We are both procrastinators, and neither of us has figured out the phrase "you've just got to make yourself do it". I don't think I ever will.... Being there with my uncle and Mom almost drove his wife, Jo, and I nuts! A regular three ring circus.

There's nothing like a death in the family to inspire deep personal inspection. I'm not liking this at all. Well, I hope at least I learn a few things from it. Learning to apply them would be good too. I always had very little patience with my Grandmother, and it showed. I have the same problem with my mother, so I pray God will work in me that I may begin to change.

We did have some turkey and most of the trimmings for noon dinner yesterday. It was really good, but it wasn't Grandma's. She never stuck with a recipe and most of her secrets are lost forever. Man, I miss her apple pie--she made the best pies in the world!

Anyway, I don't want this place to be all depressing, it just happens to reflect my life! Anybody got any more questions?

[PKfanSteph]

What, no questions? Surely you're just dying to ask me *something*!

My family and I, along with my uncle Mert and aunt Jo, went over to my Gramma's house yesterday to clean out the fridge and cubbards of anything that could spoil (or already has!) and I realized a few things.

1) People, especially people around during the depression, collect entirely too much stuff. Gramma had a habit of buying stuff when it was on sale, whether she needed it or not, sometimes even stuff she would never use. We threw away lots of stuff that had been in the fridge for years and had no expiration date. She was a big canner (and no, I don't mean the kind you buy in a store, I mean old fashioned HOME CANNING) and there were lots of jars that never sealed that nobody had gotten around to eating or that she hadn't had a chance to give away during the 6 weeks she was in the hospital. It was almost sad to see that stuff get thrown away because we knew that once it was gone, there would be no more. Don't get me wrong, there's still a lot of stuff in her basement, including tomatoes, peaches, pears, apples, applesauce, pickles of all sorts and lots of other canned foods. But, those will eventually run out too. The fridge was ripe with mold and sour food and was almost disgusting to look at. Grams never did like to clean that thing out.

When my cousins and I would come home from college, we'd always go to the pantry and "shop" at "Gramma's Grocery". We appreciated it then, but she didn't stop when we were broke and in college and the stuff just kept piling up and rotting. It was sad.

And then there are those little do-dads she'd always pick up for the great-grandkids whenever she'd go to some fast food joint. She never threw ANYTHING away, no matter how old, worn, or broken. We found brand new stuff friends and family had given her that she'd never taken out of the box, including plenty of towels and even a brand new set of pots and pans!

I'm not sure if this is unique to my Gramma, tho. I've seen it in a few others. Is it just an "old person" thing? Or a "poor person" thing? Or even a "depression survivor" thing?

2) There is a danger for those who go to one person to get their needs met instead of going to God. I've known this for some time, but recent events just drove it home even more. My Grandmother was the Rock that many members of our family relied on completely for comfort, approval, acceptance and support. Now, don't get me wrong, we need people, and God often uses others to provide us with those things. But there are two things wrong with this situation. First, when the person you go to fails or does not live up to your expectations, you are left abandoned with no support. Second, that person *will* fail you, if not on purpose, then by there mere mortality. Again, you are left with nothing. God will not screw up, and He is eternal. He will not fail you and is the only one any of us can go to with any certainty, and it makes me sad that many members of my family can't (or don't want to) see that. First, because they have already starting coming to me instead, and I know I will let them down. Second, because I don't know if I am ready or willing to be our family's emotional rock. At leask I know my Rock will not let me down.

But I'm sure you knew all of that, right? You must be smart, you're here reading my "blog"!!!

[PKfanSteph]

I wrote my first letter to my Compassion kid, Williams, today. Cute, huh? I started sponsoring him in November after my first child left the program suddenly. I have nver written a letter like this before, so I was a bit nervous. Here's what I wrote:

Dear Williams,

It is the beginning of a new year and, although I have been sponsoring you for a few months, I have not introduced myself. I apologize. My name is Stephanie, but everyone calls me Steph. I live in Iowa, which is in the midwestern United States. It's very cold here today and we got a few feet of snow last night. I am single and 27 years old and still live with my parents.

I love listening to music and my favorite instrument is the guitar. I do not play very well myself, but I enjoy it, especially after a long day. I have a few friends who are very good guitarists and I love watching and listening to them.

I also love dogs and my parents and I have four. They are a handful! We have two small dogs that live inside and two larger dogs that live outside.

I will try to write again soon! I am thinking of you and praying for you. Much love,

-- Steph

What do you think? Too dorky? Have I underestimated the intelligence of a 5th grader? Probably.

I was trying to decide if I should tell him I like computers and do alot of that stuff or not. Would he understand? They tell us not to talk a lot about our posessions and I wonder if this would qualify. Maybe I should email Compassion and ask.

Now, would he want to see a picture of me? Hmmm...maybe with some nice Photoshop editing... .

[PKfanSteph]

Uh, oh. I'm letting this thing lapse...can't do that...must...write...something.

*smack*

OK, I'm much better now, thanks.

I've been working on a website for my friend Mark Fisher's band, LivingStone.

www.LivingStoneWorship.com

I'm waiting for their band photos and some bio information before I put the "real" site up, but there's some mp3 samples from their 2003 CD up there now. Great CD! The samples are a minute or so long, but some full mp3's are at Mark's site. Hopefully, I'll get to go to Nashville with them during one of their recording sessions so I can get more photos for the site (and have some fun!).

I need some excitement in my life.

[ChristinaE]

hey! are you like a duct tape fan? have you done anything interesting with duct tape..i'm sorry i'm just wondering..my sister made a skirt out of it and stuff and wallets and stuff..well backt o you! HEY!! hehe! great journal you got here! hey God bless!

[PKfanSteph]

Originally Posted by ArtsyFairy

hey! are you like a duct tape fan? have you done anything interesting with duct tape..i'm sorry i'm just wondering..my sister made a skirt out of it and stuff and wallets and stuff..well backt o you! HEY!! hehe! great journal you got here! hey God bless!

Well, yeah, I guess you could say I'm a duct tape fan. I've never actually built anything with it, though. The blog title references two of my favorite PK tunes, "Digital Maze" and "Duct Tape Universe". I thought I was being quite clever at the time!

But it's a duct tape ball
Ooey, gooey, stringy, chewy, mushy kind of ball
Wrapped, flapped, tapped, sapped
Constantly moving, ever oozing
Sticky, stringy, kind of springy
What could be worse? Oh what a curse
I'm a duct tape ball in a duct tape universe

Now that I'm here, I probably should write something but life has been refreshingly uneventful lately. Am I the only one who likes it that way? Or have I just thrown up too much on the roller coaster of life?

I did find out Philly is going to be in Fort Collins early next month. I'm combing the couch for loose change to see if it's going to work out. I may have to resort to Greyhound. Someplace to stay has been taken care of, and of course Brian is working his magic. There's still the weather....

We'll see.

[PKfanSteph]

OK, a friend of mine was testing my writing skills and (jokingly) asked me to research and write something on the topic of monkey butlers. She got a laugh out of my response so I thought I'd post it here for your enjoyment.

How To Obtain And Train Your Own Monkey Butler

Having your own monkey butler is becoming popular in the midwestern states of Iowa, Missouri, Illinois and Indiana. These trained mammals have become something of a status symbol, like pet tigers in California or pet alligators in Florida. But the Planet Of The Apes (POTA) movie saga has made most professional animal trainers wary of educating these intelligent creatures and it is difficult to find any trainer willing to risk being taken over for a mere hundred grand in cash. This leaves many Midwesterners forced to train their own monkies and often imparts more danger than if the animals had been trained professionally. In spite of that, here are a few guidelines for those who desire more than simply a well-trained pooch.

The first, and hardest, part of the process is to obtain a suitable monkey. Since these animals rarely reside in Midwestern urban jungles, the trainer must travel to a remote South American jungle. A professional trapper is required and can most often be hired in local villages for a price. Next, the trainer must decide whether a male or female monkey is desired. Males tend to be larger and more suitable for manual labor, however they are also more quickly excited to the point of rebellion. Females are smaller and more even tempered. They work best when used to assist maids and nannys or when a light touch is needed. Once the trainer has decided what the monkey's primary purpose will be, the tracker will locate and trap a young monkey.

It is the trainer's responsibility, however, to get the animal back accross the US border without alerting the border guards. It is best to clothe the monkey and inform border patrol your toddler was born with a rare disorder which causes severe mental retardation and premature growth of facial and body hair. If the guard is overly suspicious, a faked birth certificate and social security card can often be purchesd in Mexico before you reach the crossing. This usually satisfies all curiosity.

Once the monkey has arrived home, it must acclimate itself to it's surroundings for a day or so before beginning it's training. Providing it with a comfortable and spacious pet carrier will suffice as a place to sleep and adding a stuffed monkey will provide it with "company". After the animal has settled in, the training may begin. The best method for monkey education is positive reinforcement. This is done best with slices of banana. Negative reinforcement has been used in the past, but often incites POTA riots instead of getting the job done. Putting in that extra effort will prove valuable if, and when, such a riot occurs. Monkies trained by positive reinforcement are often more loyal and apt to protect their owners instead of
joining the rogue monkey rebellion.

Training a monkey is similar to training a dog and any good positive reinforcement dog training book can be used as a guide. The key is to break the tasks you want the animal to do up in little individual parts. For example, if you want the monkey to bring you a soda, here are the steps the monkey must learn individually.

1) Walk away from you to the fridge.
2) Open the fridge.
3) Recognize the correct can.
4) Pick up the correct can.
5) Close the door.
6) Return to your side.
7) Open the can.
8) Hand you the can.
9) Heel while you drink the soda.
10) Take the empty soda can to the recycle bin.

While it sounds simple, it's not. In the beginning, the monkey must be rewarded after successful completion of every step. Not until all steps are thoroughly understood can they be combined to form one fluid movement by your monkey butler. Patience is a must. Any frustration shown by the trainer will manifest itself in the monkey's attitude. Consistant showing of frustration and anger lead to monkies who will be impossible to control and the process of obtaining and training a new monkey butler will need to begin
all over again.

Once a monkey has been successfully trained, they must be used to keep their skills and training from deteriorating. Doing so will avoid the need for any future retraining and provide the owner with a monkey butler worth showing off for many years to come.

-- Stephanie Bargenquast
© 2004, Should I Claim This? Publishing

Whaddaya think?

[ChristinaE]

Originally Posted by PKfanSteph

Well, yeah, I guess you could say I'm a duct tape fan. I've never actually built anything with it, though. The blog title references two of my favorite PK tunes, "Digital Maze" and "Duct Tape Universe". I thought I was being quite clever at the time!

But it's a duct tape ball
Ooey, gooey, stringy, chewy, mushy kind of ball
Wrapped, flapped, tapped, sapped
Constantly moving, ever oozing
Sticky, stringy, kind of springy
What could be worse? Oh what a curse
I'm a duct tape ball in a duct tape universe

Now that I'm here, I probably should write something but life has been refreshingly uneventful lately. Am I the only one who likes it that way? Or have I just thrown up too much on the roller coaster of life?

I did find out Philly is going to be in Fort Collins early next month. I'm combing the couch for loose change to see if it's going to work out. I may have to resort to Greyhound. Someplace to stay has been taken care of, and of course Brian is working his magic. There's still the weather....

We'll see.

haha!! ooh okay I see!! thats still cool!!! Do you play the guitar? Or piano..or any instrument at that.

Well I hop eyou have a great day! God Bless!

[PKfanSteph]

Originally Posted by ArtsyFairy

haha!! ooh okay I see!! thats still cool!!! Do you play the guitar? Or piano..or any instrument at that.

I sort of play the guitar, "play" being the operative word. I'm a professtional beginner!

What about you?

Have a great day, all!

[PKfanSteph]

OK, it's past 1am. I just woke up and the headache I've had all day is starting to go away. But now it's time for bed. This sucks.

My stepdad went to the Dr. today and found out he shouldn't be working at all...oops.

My uncle got my Grandmother's hospital bill...$250,000. Plus, even though Grams had her funeral pre-paid, the mortuary is charing us an extra $2,000 for some reason. So much for any inheritance.

The lawyer said we might have to wait up to 15 months to find out if we can even attempt to buy Grandma's house. But we're already behind on our current house payment.

When it rains, it pours. I think I will go back to bed. Today deserves to be over.

[PKfanSteph]

I've come to the conclusion that it's only when you finally start recording your playing that you realize just how aweful it is!

The last few days, I've been trying to get something on disk that I can play along with, since I don't have any guitar playing friends nearby. It's a really simple tune, G-C-D-C-G-C-Em-Am arpeggeo. Something along the lines of "Lord I Lift Your Name On High". I've played it over and over and over, and the minute the recorder goes on, I get worse! It's been driving me nuts.

Sunday I got stuck with the task of reformatting my computer hard drive. Fortunately, I recently backed up so it wasn't a problem. But it wasted a day. One of these days, I'll get smart and run routine maintanance scans!

I'm still working out some details for the trip out to Colorado to see Phil and family next month. I'm definitely leaving on the 4th, but I'm not sure when I'm coming home. Getting to Fort Collins from Denver for Phil's show is causing some debate, though. My aunt and uncle want me to go with them, but they don't want to be there early or stay late. But they have offered to pay for my bus ticket, so I don't know what to do! I'd rather go with my friend Dave and his wife Michelle and my cousin Rhonda has offered to take me as well. Sheesh, I never thought it would be so hard to have family who are Phil phans, too!

Ooops, time to go wash dishes .