Poets, dreamers, and madmen...

marsgoat7 · 01-15-2004, 11:38 AM

helllo Brandon,

I'm i my college computer lab crying after reading about your friend Andrea.
I'm so sorry. words fail me. usually I'm much more eloquent but at the moment I'm at a loss.

Ok, must be more happy and encouraging...(think happy thoughts, think happy thoughts!)..ok I shall start over.

Hey Brandon! My name is Margot (the 't' is silent...it's french)..I live on the east coast, I'm taking one class at a Com. College, and I work part-time at a Library...no I'm not a pencil-head....well, ok maybe I am..but that's is beside the point... *looks around for her "point".....doesn't see it..*

I'm really sorry to hear how things are going for you, and I want you to know that i'm praying for you, here in my computer lab :-)
Remember that the Lord is bigger than any problem you could possibly have.....is;t THAT encouraging??

I need to go now, but rest assured that I will be visiting your blog frequently (if that's alright with you, that is...)

God bless,
Margot
Col 4:6

marsgoat7 · 01-15-2004, 11:40 AM

I just noticed a reason for you to be happy!!! You now have 3 pages in your blog!! *realizes that she's stating the obvious*.........*smacks forehead*

Brandon · 01-15-2004, 03:11 PM

haha, yes, i have three pages now. though two of them would be alone my posts i think. anyways, thank you guys for the comfort. I am feeling a little better myself. the pain numbs me the first part of the day, then it explodes into me...which is what you saw. the explosion. i'm better now...still grieving, always grieving...

umm, i don't really know what to say. skye and marsgoat7, thank you for your si9ncerity. i apologize for the spelling. and the grammar...was never any good at those...

anyways...

skye, I know, I look like a foolish little 17 year old, going out upon the world, and loving the first thing that becomes attracted to him. I'm not. Becky is my one, my all. I will not leave her. She is my everything that I have on this earth. She is the one thing I love other than my God, and my family. I could never replace her. I don't know really what you are trying to say, but I believe that God has joined us. I don't see any other way to explain it. Sorry if I come out rude, but that is how it feels.

Ummm, I'll answer other posts tonite when I get off of work. Later

Bless,
Brandon

Skye · 01-15-2004, 07:32 PM

I know how that feels. Your Becky is the CGR Becky, no? She seems like a sweet girl.

Recently, I've been going through a bit of... well... i'm not sure what you'd call it. A dry spell maybe. It wasn't hateful or anything, just nothing. Trying to get through life a minute at a time. I told my mom and my best friend that I felt dead inside. Unlike you, I didn't have someone to help me through it. Human, I mean.

Brandon, you strike me as a guy with a heart dedicated to God. That impresses me. There seems to be a shortage of people like that in today's world. Run to Jesus, Brandon. You're lucky to have someone like Becky, but don't forget to run to Jesus.

Praying,
Skye

bigpirate · 01-15-2004, 07:53 PM

hey man, sorry I didn't come and chill before, but I wanted to tell you I will be praying for you... remember, it is not you that is at fault for any of this, and maybe this girl Becky is the ray of sunlight you need when you feel this way, and a good ray at that... but remember, even without her, you have always got the Son, bro.

You write like someone who has been though a lot... and yet you still are distinguishable as a child... you are young, and not who you are going to be yet... and this adversity you have been though, it will make you stronger, because God can take the bad and turn it into good.

Keep your head up, bro!

Laters.

SmileAndFollow · 01-15-2004, 08:00 PM

Hey man, dont feel too bad about the slow blog. Mine has 443 posts in it and over half those are mine... Im in a similar situation, but I have no love of my life in my life. Im on my own just because Im off at college, but my parents have cut off all funding because of my grades. I was blessed enough to get a job that supplies a place to live, but I still have to pay for school and all of that... I wouldnt worry about too much if you still have family to fall back on. Im not too sure my parents would let me move back in with them, but my sister has always been there to support me, and I'll be forever in her debt. Speaking of debt, thats the only reason Im in school anymore. If I stop going to school than I have to pay off all the loans Ive taken out to pay for school. Its like one big trap, but I dont really care anymore. I recently joined a band and that has been a nice sidetrack for me. Hopefully it will become more than that though. How is your band doing? Ours is sort of spacey indie rock like dieradiodie or a more mainstream example would be radiohead. My advice is to just keep on truckin', as long as you have people that care about you nothing else really matters.

bigpirate · 01-15-2004, 08:09 PM

is there a way to tell who replied to your blog and stuff?

SmileAndFollow · 01-15-2004, 08:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bigpirate

is there a way to tell who replied to your blog and stuff?

Subscribe? Or you could be talking about seeing who has replied how many times. In that case go to your blog section and click the total number of posts and it will give you a list.

Micaela · 01-15-2004, 10:50 PM

Well...you seemed better at 4...how are ya now?

Becky sounds great. I know how much it means to have someone there who cares when ur going through hell. Or it seems like it. Well, it's late...I hope u keep relying on God, He has been all I had sometimes, but definitely enough!

~Rach

Brandon · 01-16-2004, 10:23 AM

wow, a lot more posts have sprung up. this makes me happy. I apologize for not getting on last nite. I had to work until 11, and I had to work before school. since I live 20 minutes away from work, I decided that 5 hours of sleep was better than the 4.5 that i would get if i got on and posted again...

I'm so tired. I could sleep, but I need to finish this...besides, i better not sleep in school...

first off, my Becky is not the CGR becky. Sorry, you guys don't know her...maybe I should have her get on...

anyways...

I never explained my home situation. When I wrote the last post explaining, I was angry a my parents, and made it sound like I was completely on my own. I apologize for being slightly misleading. I do live on my own, but it is sort of...say...a practice run. I can still eat with my parents and such, they just want to see how I do on my own before they up and leave. If they don't think I am ready, I'll be staying at a family friend's house until they think I am. So far, it's just really stressful...

To bigpirate: Yes, I have been through quite a bit. I must say, CGR has probably been the greatest life saver I have known. So many times I have been lifted up through you guys. i love this place.

To RJB: yes, I was feeling very good at 4. I had just talked to Becky, and was hanging with some of my friends. I was in a festive mood of sorts.

To SmileAndFollow: I'm praying for you man.

To Skye: Thanks again for the support. I know how it feels...the dead feeling. keep with God...PM me if you ever need someone to talk to...i'll be here.

Wow guys...keep coming...you guys are a blessing...

Bless,
Brandon

bigpirate · 01-16-2004, 11:52 AM

I would honestly tell you to not try and live on your own too early... and when you do, make it a controlled environment, like the dorms or something, where you always still have food and a roommate and all bills paid and such.

But don't take your parents for granted, someday they may not be there... embrace their help while you can.

marsgoat7 · 01-16-2004, 12:05 PM

Hey brandon!

Wow, a practice run hmm? I'm don't have the option of a practice run, I'm just GOING.......(hopefully this fall) I think a "practice run" would be a lot harder than just going...I hope it works out for you :-)
I'm at work, so I must go, ttyl
Mars
Col 4:6

Skye · 01-16-2004, 10:14 PM

Ok, wasn't sure if this Becky was your Becky, coz i noticed you in her blog a lot... and i thought you said something about Becky going to YWAM, and so was this one... although it's very possible that i got confused, i do that a lot lol.

Glad to be able to be an encouragement to you. It always seems not quite so bad when you have people checking in on you. Givin' you God-hugs and such.

Prayer,
Skye

Brandon · 01-16-2004, 11:51 PM

Death is the only assurance in life. Sometimes it is welcomed with outstretched arms. Sometimes it is feared. It is hated, cursed, dreaded, loved, and even embraced. It cannot be stopped. I don’t know why death was brought to this earth. I can’t tell you why it hurts some and brings joy to others. I don’t know why it has to come around at all. There has to be a purpose for all the death around us all.
Wouldn’t it be great if nobody died? What if, when it was your turn to go, you just vanished from the face of the earth, and were omitted from the minds of all who knew you? I can’t imagine how it would be. As great as it sounds, it would be disastrous. Think of it. There would be no pain, no misery, no agony of death. There would be no wars, no battles, no massacres. But then, there would be no history, no memory of great minds of the past, or memories of loved ones gone before us. What then? What then would be the point of life? What would be the purpose of living if you had no past to live for. Live for the future…sure… But no future is complete without the past.
Death may be painful and hard, but it is a must. There is a time to live, a time to die. You’d better believe it: it’s in the Bible.
That said, I have painful news: Lucy, the Nolan kitty, has died. Most of you know her as the cat in my Beowulf film. Brittany has been crying for the past hour. I went outside and made a little wooden cross. I burned Lucy’s name into it. Brittany hugged me and told me she loved me.
I don’t cry much. Last night, I had tears in my eyes, but that doesn’t count. Tonight I cried. It was that moment I realized that life was too important to waste. I’m not going to sit around idly anymore. If I do something, it will be for a purpose, not for no apparent reason. I will not take anything for granted anymore. I know better.

Brandon

P.S. My 300th post!!!!

SmileAndFollow · 01-17-2004, 12:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Brandon

Death is the only assurance in life. Sometimes it is welcomed with outstretched arms. Sometimes it is feared. It is hated, cursed, dreaded, loved, and even embraced. It cannot be stopped. I don’t know why death was brought to this earth. I can’t tell you why it hurts some and brings joy to others. I don’t know why it has to come around at all. There has to be a purpose for all the death around us all.
Wouldn’t it be great if nobody died? What if, when it was your turn to go, you just vanished from the face of the earth, and were omitted from the minds of all who knew you? I can’t imagine how it would be. As great as it sounds, it would be disastrous. Think of it. There would be no pain, no misery, no agony of death. There would be no wars, no battles, no massacres. But then, there would be no history, no memory of great minds of the past, or memories of loved ones gone before us. What then? What then would be the point of life? What would be the purpose of living if you had no past to live for. Live for the future…sure… But no future is complete without the past.
Death may be painful and hard, but it is a must. There is a time to live, a time to die. You’d better believe it: it’s in the Bible.
That said, I have painful news: Lucy, the Nolan kitty, has died. Most of you know her as the cat in my Beowulf film. Brittany has been crying for the past hour. I went outside and made a little wooden cross. I burned Lucy’s name into it. Brittany hugged me and told me she loved me.
I don’t cry much. Last night, I had tears in my eyes, but that doesn’t count. Tonight I cried. It was that moment I realized that life was too important to waste. I’m not going to sit around idly anymore. If I do something, it will be for a purpose, not for no apparent reason. I will not take anything for granted anymore. I know better.

Brandon

P.S. My 300th post!!!!

Agreed. I dont fear, nor do I embrace death. It will find me when its ready, hopefully I will be ready as well. Happy 300 posts, and you never did say how your band was doing...