[Brandon]

hmmm let's see...

There are 14 posts on this site, and I have posted 10 times. I must lead a pretty sad life. Speaking of my life, for those who read this, you can know that it sucks right now.

I am in so much debt it's not even funny. The thing is, I don't even remember what I spent money on! Christmas season has got to be the worst season on my funds, and my current balance is -$572.38. That's a lot of dough folks. I don't get paid enough to keep my truck maintenenced (by that I mean putting gas in it, and the tires are worn to the metal enough that I make little sparks when I go down the road), and pay off this money. I don't know what I can do. Can you file for bankruptcy at 17 years of age?

I don't know...I think I'm going to cry...

Bless,
Brandon

[unperfectangel]

hey brandon! my name's lisa! i decided to stop by and say hi... so hi! not many people post in my blog either, so i guess you could say we're on the same page (hehehe).... don't cry! God will take care of everything in the end!
peace and love,
lisa

[bigpirate]

Don't cry man, this is when you let God work... He knows what you need. Just use wisdom also, because God wants us to be smart about things... don't spend money on silly stuff when you owe money, and don't go on unnecessary trips.

You will be alright.

[Brandon]

ahhh!
I'm so broke...
I love the season and all...but...I ran out of cash so fast, my sis didn't get her gift until yesterday...I hate this...surely there is an easier way to do this...like, win th epublishers clearing house or something...

Bless,
Brandon

[Brandon]

feeling better about myself today...(of course, yesterday was payday...)
my little bro.s b-day is today...he turns the grand ol' age of 10...

ahh, those were the days, when your voice still sounded like a girl, and you were still afraid of cooties....ahhh...

what I wouldn't give to feel young again...without the press of the world on me...I want to feel carefree like a child again...

bless,
Brandon

[Brandon]

hmmm, several days after payday... the bills are paid and the pantry stocked, and once again, i have no cash... why can't we go back to the bartering system? i'll give you a dozen eggs for 5 gallons of gas...thanks... well, jsut so you guys get the picture here, I'll tell you how a 17 year old that's still in high school is facing living on his own...

My dad is a vet for Cargill Pork division, and is the Southeast regional vet, but the main office has moved to Wichita, and so my entire family is leaving to kansas in a matter of months. well, due to a certain wonderful girl, and other factors, I will not be leaving Arkansas. This poses a problem. Where am I to stay? so, I have helped build my own house, and though my parents live a quarter of a mile away(atleast, until May they do), I am "practicing the life of a man on his own", so, now my life has become frantic with budgets and macaroni dinners (thanks be to God my parents let me eat with them still)...

that's my life, those are my trials...

Bless,
Brandon

[Brandon]

Anyways, this is just an update on my life. Mom and Dad signed for the house, so, it is official. In 5 months I will be on my own . I am exhausted. I worked a full weekend. (my dad is sitting on the couch telling me not to get too personal, because osama might be reading this, oh no! ) I worked untill 2 this morning, and had to be back to work at 6 am...then, I had to go in and do inventory tonite...which I just got done doing...I am running on empty right now...and the worst thing ever, I can't sleep, I'm like one of those zimbie things(zimbie? what the heck is a zimbie?, how about a zombie...)...anyways...pray for me guys...I can't say why, even if i share my entire life with you, there are some things I just cannot reveal at this time. I just want someone to back me up on this. Can you help me?

Bless,
Brandon

[Brandon]

hmmm, another day in the life of me...

I can't stay awake during class, this could get difficult...
anyways...I see how many people view this thread, yet, I get no replies...
thanks alot guys...

Brandon

[Brandon]

hmm, more views, no replies...lol
why am i still here? why did I live, and she not? Why did God spare me? I don't want to hurt anymore. The only reason I have lived with myself all this time is because of my becky. Thank you sweetheart. I love you...

Bless,
Brandon

[PontiusPirate]

Hi brandon. I just found your blog. I don't hate you. I don't even know you But I hope things start going better for you. I'll be prayin for ya. (and if you ever need somebody to talk to, feel free to message me)
A few questions:
1) how old are you?
2) what's your favorite movie?
3) one of your fav. bands?
4)who's your favorite fraggle? (ok...that one's a little odd..)

Anyway...SEE! I posted! Don't worry about the blog...it took a long time for people to come to mine....& it's still pretty bare. But you're invited to grace the pages of my swamp if you want

HAVE A GREAT DAY!

-Chel

[Micaela]

okay, Legalos is your avatar, you've jumped to high on my list! Hi! My name is Rachel. your above posts sound serious...is everything okay? *concerned look*
~Rach

[Brandon]

Originally Posted by PontiusPirate

Hi brandon. I just found your blog. I don't hate you. I don't even know you But I hope things start going better for you. I'll be prayin for ya. (and if you ever need somebody to talk to, feel free to message me)
A few questions:
1) how old are you?
2) what's your favorite movie?
3) one of your fav. bands?
4)who's your favorite fraggle? (ok...that one's a little odd..)

-Chel

hmmm, those who don't hate me now, usually do later...maybe not though, i should be more optimistic or something...

1. 17, if you would have read the first post...
2. hmmm, braveheart, followed very closely with return of the king...
3. Perfect circle is starting to impress me...ummm...blind gaurdian, rhapsody, kamelot(ooh, i like them...) edguy...stuff like that
4. no fraggle, just a muppet...gonzo!!!

hmm, as for my comment to rachel...welcome to my blog! (welcome to you too chel) anyways, glad to hear that you like legolas...i used to look like him before i cut my hair...those were the days...

anyways, no, my life sucks. everything i have loved is gone, almost. thank you Becky for being there...i don't want to get too close, but we already have. i know she is the one for me. lol, we talk aboutmarraige, and how many kids to have...it feels strange almost, finding someone who accepts me for who i really am. anyways, about the last post, adear friend of mine was killed in a wreck last year. i should have been there too. if i hadn't decided to go see a movie instead with a girl she didn't like (before you start thinking things, let me explain...Andrea was my best friend. we didn't date or anything, but gave each other advice for dates and such...)anyways, i went out with a girl she told me i shouldn't go out with due to certain rumors she had heard...which were true...we had an argument, and left school mad. i never saw her alive again...and it's my fault. we were supposed to go to the game together that night, like we always did...instead, she went to a friends, and never made it back home.

on the anniversarry of her death, i wrote that post. i am still anguished...and Becky relieves the pain through her love, but it hurts.

this is not my real problem though. my REAL problem in my life is me, and my job, and money, and school, and everything else...I can't drive to school without money, i can't work enough to get enough money to eat and drive, so i usually don't eat. which means my health is beginning to fail...and i'm always worn out from work, because, when i do work, it's late nites, and early the next morning before school. my health isn't too bad, so don't worry about that...i still eat, i just usually don't find the time. i'm always rushing somewhere...i'm just so worn out, i can't concentrate in school, which means i can't get into law school which means i'll forever be that man you see on the street corner holding a sign that says will work for food...*takes deep breath* sigh...i just don't know what to do with my life anymore...i don't know how much longer i can go before it kills me...

sorry, that post was my longest ever i think.

bless,
Brandon

[Brandon]

hmm, what a crappy day, and it's only 10:30. my sister's cat, the baby of the house, is dying. this cat is the coolest cat. it loves to sit on your lap, and purr, and put you to sleep. it was diagnosed with chronic kidney failure last nite. brittany is spending the day at home today, the last day with her kitty. it's only a matter of hours now...

*sobs*

death follows in my wake. don't come near me...

Brandon

[Brandon]

i can't get too close to those I care for. i don't dare. who knowswhat that can do to them? Becky understands. I don't know how, but she has turned my life around. She is the only on I can be close to.

Bless,
Brandon

p.s. me and Becky celebrate 6 months together today!

[Skye]

Hi there. I don't know if i've ever seen you on here, which is odd... coz i've been here a long time. Wish I had caught on to you earlier. About the blog, it takes time.... When i first started mine, it was insanely lonely... it's not awful anymore, but it can still be pretty pitiful at times. I'll just tell you the same thing a wise voice once told a man living in Iowa. "If you build it, they will come" it worked for him, why not the rest of us?

Happy 6 months to you, Brandon! Those are always fun times. This could get pretty personal, so don't feel like you ahve to answer (not that i'm osama or hitler or anyone).

How is your relationship with your parents? I mean, at 17 you live pretty much on your own. That struck me as odd. It especially struck me as odd when i read your situation with money and your job and school and your friend and everything. It seems that it would be okay for you to move back in with them and everything, even if they are moving in a few months. Gosh, I could get seriously hated for this, so don't take it the wrong way. I just came off a relationship, much like the one you're in right now. I seriously though Matthew and I were going to get married, live in Wyoming, and have a family together, and live happily ever after. He was the best friend I could have asked for. I confided in him, and him in me. I was recently telling my best friend, Patty, about some thoughts i was having. Here's what I said,

And then there’s Matthew. I can’t remember if I told you this or not, but my mom told me that since I had become serious about Matthew, she had been praying that if he wasn’t the one, that God would close the door. Shortly after that, doors started closing. Shortly after that he met Beth. I talked to him probably a week or so ago and we talked for a good long while about just stuff. Patty, it makes me physically ill, but I do love him. Not ushy-gooshy ickah love/like/lust… but deep down, rooted, not going any where love. He’s not the guy I fell in love with in the first place though, anymore… He quit going to church… I’m not sure where he stands with God… and ugh. I just don’t know him very well anymore… Maybe it’s his memory I’m still in love with. No. I mean, that’s probably a great deal, but Patty… it’s like this I guess… I love his soul, but it goes beyond hoping he comes running back to God like the prodigal son to his father, and really praying for him all the time. My soul loves his. And I just really, really, really miss him, Patty Kokx. And I’m struggling.

Ok, maybe that was more than you needed to read, but i'm too tired to edit it. The part i intended to show you, was that I love his soul. ... see we just broke up in August. That was a *counts on her fingers* long relationship.... 1.5 years as a "couple" and 6 years as best friends. He lives in SC, I in MI. I guess what i'm trying to say is... i don't know.

You just sound a lot like Matthew and I when we were together, and i know those are the best times, but you're not going to be around if you don't eat, stay healthy, and sleep occasionally. Even if you were to move to OK with your family, you can still maintain a relationship long distance. It's not easy, but it is doable. Or maybe someone has been praying the same for you that my mom was... and this is the closing door. God will do that, you know. Sometimes He'll go to great lengths to get our attention. I would strongly suggest re-thinking this, seeking God's advice, and then acting on what He tells you, and not acting on what you want him to tell you. Afterall, you are only 17. I know that sounds demeaning, and if you took the time to see that i was just 18, a little obsurd. But while we're growing up and getting to know ourselves and what we can handle and do and things, we often take ourselves too seriously, probably because most older adults won't take us seriously enough. Just don't forget that 17 is still just a young'n.

Ignore it if this was offensive. You just remind me a lot of myself a year ago. Thought i'd let you know, you're not alone in this. I pray for you.

Grace,
Skye
(aka Corrie)