[DarylB]

I'm quite nervous about putting my feeble attempt at poetry up be critical but kind. This poem is a school assignment so there is a reason i'm disgracing poetry with my attempts yet here it is. I need this tomorrow so if you are going to critique in any way, please do so ASAP. The poem had to be on taste & texture.. anyway here it is

The Morning (temporary title possibly)

Beep… Beep… Beep…
Squinting eyes are hit by the dawn’s light like a freight train.
Falling back under the cozy protection of the covers, the mind soon surfaces from its nocturnal imaginings.
A parched, sticky taste clings in your mouth.
Slowly one foot emerges from its night-time cocoon. The other follows reluctantly.
Abrasive carpet scratches at tender feet, while the chilling morning’s air attacks the vulnerable body.
Thump, thump, begrudgingly up the stairs as cool hardwood numbs the toes.
Cereal today.
A splash of fresh milk softens the crispy flakes of corn, yet not to be won, the dry pieces knaw at soft gums.
Soon hunger is satisfied.
The coating aftertaste of milk still hangs on during the trudge to the shower.
Again an even more chilling tile stifles the feet.
Nakedness induces shivering as the frigid air ambushes once again, but not a moment too soon the hot water fends off the brash awakening and envelopes any cold.
All too quickly, knowing it can’t last, out you come, shivering but rescued by the velvety safety of a towel.
Throwing on clothes, and fully conscious, ready for another day.
That ever-recurring brutal morning fades away.

[H.M. Murdock]

It's good! But a few of the phrasings bother me.

Beep… Beep… Beep…

Hrmm... maybe replace this with "Awaken to the clock's beeping", or something. Then find some way to relate it to a taste.

Falling back under the cozy protection of the covers, the mind soon surfaces from its nocturnal imaginings.

Maybe break this up into seperate lines? Like so:
" Falling back under the cozy protection of the covers,
the mind soon surfaces from its nocturnal imaginings."

Thump, thump, begrudgingly up the stairs as cool hardwood numbs the toes.

Again, the sound effects kind of offset the mood, implying vigerousity where sleepiness is the stress. Maybe "feet thumping up the stairs begrudgingly as cold hardwood numbs the toes" would fit better?

Overall, this is good. You put a bit much emphasis on texture rather than taste, and your vocabulary is plain, but that will improve in time. Keep it up! You'll do fine.

[DarylB]

Thank you very much... any other suggestions or constructive comments are greatly appreciated.