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Old 10-10-2003, 02:50 PM   #1
is a Zombie Terminator
 
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Joined: Jul 2001
Location: The Lone Star State
Posts: 6,138
Too Much Coffee

You know you're drinking too much coffee when...

You answer the door before people knock.
Juan Valdez named his donkey after you.
You ski uphill.
You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.
You haven't blinked since the last lunar eclipse.
You lick your coffeepot clean.
You're the employee of the month at the local coffeehouse and you don't even work there.
Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.
You chew on other people's fingernails.
Your T-shirt says, "Decaffeinated coffee is the devil's blend."
You can type sixty words per minute... with your feet.
You can jump-start your car without cables.
Cocaine is a downer.
All your kids are named "Joe".
You don't need a hammer to pound nails.
Your only source of nutrition comes from "Sweet & Low."
You don't sweat, you percolate.
You buy 1/2 & 1/2 by the barrel.
You've worn out the handle on your favorite mug.
You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee.
You walk twenty miles on your treadmill before you realize it's not plugged in.
You forget to unwrap candy bars before eating them.
You've built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers.
People get dizzy just watching you.
You've worn the finish off your coffee table.
The Taster's Choice couple wants to adopt you.
Starbucks owns the mortgage on your house.
Your taste buds are so numb you could drink your lava lamp.
Instant coffee takes too long.
When someone says. "How are you?", you say, "Good to the last drop."
You want to be cremated just so you can spend the rest of eternity in a coffee can.
Your birthday is a national holiday in Brazil.
You're offended when people use the word "brew" to mean beer.
You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.
You can thread a sewing machine, while it's running.
You can outlast the Energizer bunny.
You short out motion detectors.
You don't even wait for the water to boil anymore.
Your nervous twitch registers on the Richter scale.
You think being called a "drip" is a compliment.
You don't tan, you roast.
You can't even remember your second cup.
You help your dog chase its tail.

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Old 10-10-2003, 03:08 PM   #2
Me and my brother <3
 
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that's the best, Braid!! HAHAHA!
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Old 10-10-2003, 07:05 PM   #3
Winter is not cool
 
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that is just great!! as i coffee addict myself i cant help but laugh at that!!!!

-Perry
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Old 10-10-2003, 10:38 PM   #4
titletitletitle
 
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Joined: Apr 2002
Location: Ohio
Posts: 1,692
Quote:
You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.
beautiful.

I am so addicted to coffee it's rediculous. Sad thing is, I've truely attempted to quite drinking it and I can't.
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Old 10-11-2003, 03:10 PM   #5
Be happy
 
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Joined: Apr 2001
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 19,716
Quote:
Originally Posted by Braid
You answer the door before people knock.
Guilty.

Quote:
You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.
No but I eat plain coffee grounds.

Quote:
You can type sixty words per minute... with your feet.
I can get 100 with my hands, good enough?

Quote:
You've worn out the handle on your favorite mug.
I broke one off.

Quote:
People get dizzy just watching you.
When I'm off coffee, yep!

Quote:
Your taste buds are so numb you could drink your lava lamp.
This is true.

Quote:
Instant coffee takes too long.
This is also true.

Quote:
You can't even remember your second cup.
Not usually.
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Old 10-11-2003, 03:43 PM   #6
is kicking it old school
 
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Joined: Sep 2002
Posts: 26,045
Yeah Bob. I eat coffee grounds sometimes too. Usually when I am staying up all night. It is very refreshing.

I found most of those very humorous....
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