[EleventhHour]

Hm, lots of fonts here, as opposed to the vBulletin boards I'm used to.

I am supposed to house and pet sit for my brother for two weeks, leaving tomorrow. I woke up this morning with the idea that I need more than I have now, more support or help, that is. I have 3 meetings a week of Alanon, some Christian Fellowship online and most recently started therapy for depression. I've tried going back to my church, but only encountered either people in denial about the sexual habits of the church "elders", or church elders in denial or who were blatant sinners who got away with it.

I am lucky to have people to talk to about my problems,though I am fairly cautious about things, questioning who to tell, and how much to say. Also, I can sometimes fail to put my problems in a nutshell, which makes things take so long.

I had a feeling it would be best to stay home and continue with Alanon and counseling, but I'm getting used to sometimes having delays and learning to live with the inevitable. Sometimes you can't have everything all at once.

I got a bit more done today than I thought, or got some done earlier. I still have some paperwork hanging on, needed to get bills paid, but I've been totally scared to do it, or to confront the reason why. I'm completely in the dark as to why I was able to call the billing office and actually talk to them and once more explain that I can't pay yet, then get a bit more information that I needed to help me finish the paperwork.

Unemployment may be part of the problem, but I am so glad to have the time off that I don't care. I've been unemployed seemingly forever.

I just have this anxiety now that I can't finish up in the short time I have before leaving.

A break is needed from just sitting around this house, so now I'll be able to sit around my brother's house and take care of their pets, and get online more than usual, my chief passion in life for the past year or so.

EDIT: Why is it that all of my paragraphs have to begin with 'I'? With the exception of two where I decided to word things differently, they all begin with I. It's not at all uncommon in my paper diary, either. I guess I just can't get my mind off myself...

Edit 2: After I got that one call made, I do feel better, though I am still worried that that's all I'll do when more needs to be done.

Edit 3, haha: My avatar is Miranda Otto from her wedding photo, of last year I think. I have a photo of a clock that matches my name better, but I'm not done trying to make it look like it says 11:00, rather than 9 or 10. It's going to be a while to get it halfway decent.

[EleventhHour]

Can't get into my favorite site, their server must be overloaded or they are working on something to figure out their bandwidth problem.

I am not all packed for tomorrow, and it's 10:35 p.m.--feel like I'm going to wait till the last minute. I hate that, I get really anxious. Or I feel like I'm not going to get everything done.

[Evenstar]

Hey! Noticed your journal is new. (Welcome!!) I like your avatar! LOTR rocks, I thought that girl looked familiar.....and NOW I understand. Anyway,

God bless!!
Hopers Dopers

[EleventhHour]

Thanks for replying, Evenstar. I couldn't get into the site with just the url, for some reason. Wanted to get here a few days ago, but now I have a working link in the email. Really weird.

Anyway, the dogs are taking their nap. They are really good, not much of a handful. I had been thinking of trying to find an Alanon meeting while I'm here, and wonder if it's really good for me to go without. I don't know if I'd really go if I found out where one was. It takes me so long to get used to things.

I belong to a board where there are lots of Pagans/Wiccans, and someone recently posted something about Christian Witchcraft. The person does not seem to really be Christian, and the whole thing does not seem to be seriously thought through.

A few weeks ago, the passage from the NT kept going through my head: "Everybody runs, but not everyone wins the race..." I think that's Paul, I'll have to look it up. It's about getting rid of whatever drags us down and keeps us from doing our best. I just need to figure out why I keep thinking about it. It'll come to me, I know.

EDIT: Hm. I put a link in my sig, but maybe the text in so many different colors was too much for it.

|Odd Clock|

There it is. I wonder if it'll show up here in my edit.

Another EDIT: Yep, it shows.

[EleventhHour]

Well, I put an image in my sig too, and that didn't show. I've looked at a couple of pages in the help forum, but haven't seen anything that applies yet. vB code is ennabled, and that's what I'm using. Oh, well, the stuff is all in there, it's just not showing. If I can't figure it out I'll ask.

_____________________________________________
I have this friend who I have gotten bad vibes from for a long time. I recently found out he is a much worse drug user, and user of people, than I thought. I have long felt an awful sense of evil from him. I feel as though I am evil when I am with him, that I am a loser and will never win. I feel as though if this is the company I keep, I will just slide into nothing.

I don't think it's just me, or that these are uncharitable feelings. I feel this is true. I sort of get this feeling from the people I live with, not that I have much choice at the moment.

I felt more or less this way about two other people, some church elders, though in their case, I also had alarms going off in my head that they were hungry wolves. This is before I figured out one was into prostitutes, and the other was just into hate.

So I don't know where I am going to live.

I forgot I was going to write my sister while I am here. I guess I'd best think about what to write.

[EleventhHour]

Obviously I got the sig thing to work--since it's my 6th post that worked, I'm guessing your sig doesn't work for the first five posts. I like the image on the banner, though I guess it's way too big.

I have a mini of a different clock than the one I was working on. It should fit as an av, but I hate to give up Miranda's wedding pic.

I decided not to show sig in this post. What the heck, It's already on this page.

[EleventhHour]

I waited at least an hour to download the RotK trailer. It was GOOD. I want to wait till it comes out to see more--I think.

Made lots of banner-type art, and a little sketch of the interior of the Tricksy Hobbit Inn. Downloaded so many fonts. I feel ridiculous. I could do one with a Scripture quotation...

Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.

Galatians 6:9

Tired, and I can't find my comb! It's just after midnight.

[EleventhHour]

I made it, guess I could upload it and post it. I used Endor for the font.
[edit:image no longer there!]

I am going to be so tired tomorrow!

[Evenstar]

WOW! lots of posting!!

I havnt been on the internet in a few days... (no time..gr)
anyway, you mentioned something about Wicca. I have an old friend who is Wiccan...we got into this kind of debate about it and then she asked to stop("my religion is important to me" but she didnt want to get all stressed about debating it over...it hurt my stomach whenever i replied to her so i complied...) i wasnt very good at what i said....*sadness* and we dont talk much anymore....*shurgs*

anyway, cool Galatians thing!! VERY cool! ive also wondered about pics in my sig, they are so cool. some have the best ones and ive wondered... id, of course, do an lotr one!! (maybe of Gollum, or Arwen....dunno)

God bless!!

[EleventhHour]

I'd be glad to make you an LotR banner, Evenstar. Especially this week, since I have access to a good paint program. I'm staying at my brother's house.

I found a really good pic of Arwen the other day, but forgot where I found it! I'll see if I can dig it up for you.

I now what you mean about arguing about Wicca. Some people think Christianity is just a bunch of Pagan customs made up into a new religion. It's completely different, it's about becoming a part of the body of Christ.

You are welcome to use the Galatians one, also. The URL is:

http://www.imagestation.com/picture/...7/fae1d186.jpg

and you just put it between image tags, like so:

[img]the url here[/img ]

only you don't leave any spaces between any of the letters or brackets.

(Maybe I'm telling you what you already know, but there's always a first time. )

[EleventhHour]

I sent J & F an Ecard, knowing they wouldn't get it till they came back, but forgot to say so.

It is really beautiful here, in the seventies. This weather zone is within the scope of the state I was born in, so reminds me of my 'home'. I feel like though I've lived in this state for 30 years, the other place is home. I just get these flashes of peace. I have a lot of worrying, but it's just beatiful here. Not to mention, my bro and sis's house is just lovely.

I copied a sword gif and modified it, and am hoping it can be used as a weapon icon in an RPG played at another board.

[EleventhHour]

Hm, what was I going to write that was on my mind a moment ago?

Job, job, job... that wasn't it, but it's on my mind all of the time, and I just realized this moment that it's one of those things I don't have to worry about, like food and shelter!!!! This is so great. :d I will be working that into my thoughts.

That has more or less worked with worrying about food--which I worry about a lot. I just usually remind myself that we are not to worry about food, shelter, clothes. I have to think of something that is more important. The Gospel is what I more or less tell myself. I try to think of something from that. I don't always get a profound thought, sometimes just a thought to think about it later, like not ready to think yet.

[EleventhHour]

Went through some periods of unhappiness today. I hate where I live and don't particularly like who I live with--I just don't feel comfortable, at home, whatever.

These people are not Christians. The wife says that before she went to Alanon, she didn't even believe in God but apparently does now. I don't think she is very committed.


What's a non churchgoing Christian to do? I feel like these people have Christian family, and if that's not enough for them, what is? I don't know that it's my worry other than to pray at this point, sure don't feel inspired to pray at all for them, though I did at first, a little.

She has a real temper problem and he is a porn addict, and has made passes at me. At first I thought he was just being friendly, and I responded in what I thought was a friendly manner, but now I know better. He started again when she kicked him out of the bedroom, (I guess he doesn't know what to do for her in bed),and this time I ignored him.

I don't know how many times in my life I have just wanted to get out of a situation, but I don't usually know how. It usually takes forever and it's all just misery. I am really discouraged.

[EleventhHour]

On a more cheerful note, I have been making some vegetable soup with the jar of spaghetti sauce J & F left. Ragu 5 herb sauce or something like that. You cook some frozen vegetables according to package directions (I usually shave off a bit of time from the directions), then take it off the burner and add the spagh. sauce and a touch of olive oil.

You put in enough sauce to color the soup, and give it a nice flavor, but maybe about 1/3 cup to a pint, I guess. Good, quick, and easy.

I joined Avatarity, a board to submit free avs for others to use. I love making avs, and nobody at the LotR board where I post seems to want one.

Here is Sam, the one I've submitted so far:

http://www.imagestation.com/picture/...0/fadaf190.jpg
[eta: imagestation account no longer active!]

I got rid of the file for the Miranda Otto one I'm using now, so I'm looking it up again. I think I saw it at The One Ring net--TORn. So I'm looking now, but I got waylaid by an article on JRRT.

I don't think it's there anyway. I think I saved it to Imagestation, not sure. Hope so. If it's at Villagephotos, I've probably deleted it.

[edit] Whew, found it @ TORn.

PS this is my av at G-blog.net:

http://www.imagestation.com/picture/...d/fb1b83a3.jpg
[no longer there]

I just love it. It's one of my favorites. It's so rich-looking, I guess.

[Evenstar]

Originally Posted by EleventhHour

I'd be glad to make you an LotR banner, Evenstar. Especially this week, since I have access to a good paint program. I'm staying at my brother's house.

I found a really good pic of Arwen the other day, but forgot where I found it! I'll see if I can dig it up for you.

I now what you mean about arguing about Wicca. Some people think Christianity is just a bunch of Pagan customs made up into a new religion. It's completely different, it's about becoming a part of the body of Christ.

You are welcome to use the Galatians one, also. The URL is:

http://www.imagestation.com/picture/...7/fae1d186.jpg

and you just put it between image tags, like so:

[img]the url here[/img ]

only you don't leave any spaces between any of the letters or brackets.

(Maybe I'm telling you what you already know, but there's always a first time. )

Really? Thats cool!! Yeah, there are LOTS of lotr sites i know of!!(not TOO many, but enough) Yes. Arwen is so cool.

Our Wiccan "debate" all started with me thinking something she said was a Catholic phrase... something like "ducks awaiting flying over water" or something wierd....*sigh* Steve Russo's website www.realanswers.com is really quite good concerning all this pagan, witchcraft, etc stuff.

Nope. Didnt know all that stuff, THANKS!!! youre a genius!! Im gonna use it in my signature....if I can get it to work!!! hihi.

Anyway, God bless and good luck with your life and current....situation.

Hope