[EleventhHour]

kaleo (pronounced kal-eh'-o)


akin to the base of 2753; to "call" (properly, aloud, but used in a variety of applications, directly or otherwise):--bid, call (forth), (whose, whose sur-)name (was (called)).

Thayer's Greek Lexicon:


kaleō


1) to call


1a) to call aloud, utter in a loud voice

1b) to invite


2) to call, i.e. to name, by name


2a) to give a name to


2a1) to receive the name of, receive as a name

2a2) to give some name to one, call his name


2b) to be called, i.e. to bear a name or title (among men)

2c) to salute one by name


Part of Speech: verb

And Enclave, but I know more or less what that means:

a distinct territorial, cultural, or social unit enclosed within or as if within foreign territory


Well, that's what I did Sunday, called my meeting with my multiples enclave, so I guess I did what's been floating around in my head anyway.

-----------------------------------

I drew a little sketch in my journal earlier of a pair of arms holding down a balloon, like pushing under water, just drawing what came into my head--so I'm holding down a resentment, is what that tells me. On Father's day I called and left my dad a message, first time I was willing to call and talk to him on the phone. Had to leave a message. I was going through a lot of emotional stuff before that, about my dad, who was very rough on us, esp. in early childhood, then on me in teen years. It's been hard to trust him at all, I didn't expect the attack in my teen years, had thought he had turned over a new leaf.

It's been hard to forgive, but I guess you only do that in layers. Or at any rate, I do. It's been the same with my mom, though I am giving her hugs and not arguing with her, just trying to be there for her.

For years I somehow did not realize, or maybe I didn't put into words that what was lacking in them was a relationship with Jesus. My mother truly seems to believe that it is accomplishments that make the man, or the woman. I thought she deep down was a believer, and I'd given up on my dad completely. Now I guess I don't know. I was talking to someone from church this morning, she was talking about a book I think I've read, one titled When Forgiveness Just Doesn't Cut It.

It's in answer to our call to forgive, but it addresses the need to back off of a relationship when we've turned all the cheeks we can, and they are still set on slapping us. My friend who read it said her mother was that person who just didn't seem interested in a healthy relationship. But in the very end of her life she accepted Christ.

At Enclave, I was told that my mom needed healing. I was wondering about that, feeling like I should tell her what I found out, that salvation was only through Christ. I really don't think that she found that out in all her years in the Catholic church, even in her time with the Charismatic movement. It is a wonder no one told her. Or did they? I may never know, till it's my time to hit the sky. She left the church, shortly after being with the Charismatic movement for a little while. I think she harbored a lot of anger toward my dad for his abuse of her, and since my dad abused my older brother and his two daughters especially, we were not enthusiastically supportive of her. We three still live at home out of the five of her children.

My brother hit her in his years of early adulthood--and monkey see, monkey do, and being pretty mentally ill, I did too--but I ran away from home to get away from that situation. Over all the years, my brother truly seems to believe that it was my fault, that he did not start it, and that I did not end it. My mother doesn't seem to know the rather extensive abuse my dad did, though it seems as a mother, she ought to have noticed something was wrong. I think she was not only still suffering from the abuse she went through as a child, but from my father abusing her before and after the marriage. Why did she let this happen, never calling the police, never telling anyone but a nun or two early on, then a drinking buddy years later? I believe she felt guilty for some serious abuse of her own she committed, before her marriage, and then the abuse she inflicted in the form of neglect, including not doing anything about the sexual abuse of most of her children at various ages, starting pretty young. She didn't want the hard work of going to God to be forgiven.

She also is quite the alcoholic and workaholic, and probably suffers from MPD of her own, and who knows what other mental afflictions.

I'm moving in two different directions on this at once. One, I feel sorry for her and wish she could participate in 12-step programs, though she just seems too proud, stubborn and dishonest for this. (Not to mention real Christian counseling, not just consulting a random nun for her opinion). But I'm also pretty selfish, and bitter and unforgiving. As I said, some of the layers are peeled away, I've sought out help for this. But I guess some still remain. I feel like she would just reject the truth, as she seems to have in the past. She built up walls of excuses and abuse to keep anyone from helping her. I feel badly for her, because I think her parents were not very good to her, they were well-off, and nice people, but they didn't care for salvation or the things of God. This makes me very sad.

And it hurts me that I can't let go yet, because there is a whole lot of life to be lived, and I'm pretty scared to get out there still. Nuts, though, whatever. Live. That's the spirit. I want to get rid of useless psycho-baggage.

-----------------------------------

[EleventhHour]

A TARE, as in Jesus' parable of the weeds and the wheat, which I had always thought was just that, weeds, is really different than just a weed.

A tare is a Middle Eastern weed that looks just like wheat, so much so that you can't tell it apart except that when it comes time for the grain to grow in on the stalk, a tare produces nothing, or useless little tare seeds, rather than good edible grain.

Personally, that creeps me out more than the idea of not tearing weeds out because it might hurt the wheat.

I think I've always been one to want to get a tweezer and try to extract the fakes so the poor wheat does not get strangled by weeds as in the parable of the farmer who sowed seed in good and bad soil. But now that I know what a tare is, I guess Jesus made them two different parables for a reason. The fake wheat will show in time what it is, the real wheat in the parable is not displaced by the fake. It is just an annoyance from the enemy, something he delights in.

Hmmmmmm..........

[EleventhHour]

Hm, not sure why my siggy isn't working, but I'll record the code here, take it out and try something else:

Isaiah 32:18 "My people will live in peaceful dwelling places, in secure homes, in undisturbed places of rest." Isaiah 49:10 "They will neither hunger nor thirst, nor will the desert heat or the sun beat upon them. He who has compassion on them will guide them and lead them beside springs of water."

[EleventhHour]

Eh, what are the rules for castling? There is this kid at church who wants to play chess, I played a few games with him as best I know.

I was at MPD ministry yesterday afternoon. We found some new people who were shy I guess, but they came to the lord right quick. Then some demons popped up, I can't remember exactly how. Counselor recognized it immediately, and he challenged it, it mocked him and he got it out. A bunch more popped up and got them, started binding them to their leaders. Someone had a bottle of annointing oil that had been prayed over, and they wiggled it while sitting next to me, within eyesight. The demon saw it and absolutely hated it, hated everyone in the room. Good. They said they hated the demons first.

More to come I suspect. While the demons were out, they could not speak or move their hands, or do anything the counselor said they couldn't do. A few could, really, but he just annointed them, or threatened them or humiliated them, etc. It took hours and hours, way longer than the usual MPD counseling sessions. I or the freaks got tired, but when they were gone, I felt better. This was amazing, what can I say. I've known some were there forever. And there are more, I'm sure of it. Some had names, and some were associated with some of the personalities.

Yeah, strange days.

New banner:

http://img214.imageshack.us/img214/8735/cgrbanner.png

[EleventhHour]

In a ministry session last week, a personality came up who is schizophrenic. I am hoping that she was the source of "my schizphrenia". I am pretty sure of it actually. She had been with me a long time, and was being harrassed by at least one other member of my inner crowd. The one I talked to who was giving her hell for years, and keeping her in a bad place thought it was her job to be critical and play the Devil's Advocate, etc. Both came to Christ during this session.

The formerly mean one was one I truly thought was a demon, she was really awful. She was given a new name, Victoria, much better than "Old Lady". She has also told some of the inner people that it was my destiny to commit suicide I think.

It is good to have Christians to handle this, I was frustrated to heck and back by secular therapists, I really thought they could help.

We addressed "open doors", meaning primarily held-in anger that allowed a lot of damage in. I woke up the next day, and as many times before in my life I could not get out of bed. This is depression, and no doubt the result of much anger that is still being held in, people have not even been allowed to have a voice.

I felt like I should come here to CGR today and make a followup entry on the schizophrenia idea. I am so glad to know my symptoms are due to a part rather than the whole. I feel badly that Colleen had to bear with that and all the complications for so many years. It explains a lot.

I know it could be a while before her symptoms go away, but she now has the help of the Inner Doctor who was born a couple milennia ago in Bethlehem in Judea.

This is good to know; I can deal with and even enjoy the Mulitiple Personality Condition, but to combine schizophrenia with that? Arrrrrrgh! It's been hell, even though I don't know if Colleen has been up much. I know she was there, and she showed up in dreams. There is still another someone bothering her, and I think this is also a case of another part who thinks he's a demon.

[Chrysostom]

Good to hear from you, Liz. These posts are hopeful. Obviously I don't have any personal experience to contribute from, but I can tell you the rules of Castling if you're still interested (sorry I missed that post last month!)

1. You cannot castle if you have previously moved either of the pieces you are castling with (the King or Rook).

2. You cannot castle if you are in check or your King would move through a space in which he would be in check.

3. You cannot castle if there are any other pieces (bishops, knights, queen) between your King and Rook.

4. In a King-side castle, your King and Rook both moved two spaces, so that the King is now where the Knight started and the Rook is now where the Bishop started. For instance:

ooooKooR becomes oooooRKo (where R is Rook, K is King, and o is an empty space)

5. In a Queen-side castle, your King moves two spaces and your Rook three, so that the King is now where the Bishop started and the Rook is now where your Queen started. For instance:

RoooKooo becomes ooKRoooo. (again, R=Rook, K=King, o=empty)