[travailnyazzy]

hmmm well my family started going to church when i was 4. i still remeber when my father sat me down and told me about it. then when i was .. 5 or 6 my cousin "touched" me where he shouldnt have and he kept doing it... then i finally told my parents... my father got a gun and went to my grandmother's and demanded to be let in ( my cousin lived with my grandparents, he was 17 then) but my grandmother told him to go home.. so my cousin was sent home to his parents and ... then i was having a rough time at school in 5th grade... being bullied and me crying ever night wanting no just go to sleep and never awaken. so i go pulled out of school and got homeschooled. then my mom got a job and i was left at home most of the day. so i got addicted to porn, yes at 11 yrs old. at that time i was still going to church but i was extremely "ant-scocial". i had no friends.... then i made a deal with God and i quit porn. when i was 13 i made a friend, Nicole. then i made another, Ryan. and i started getting really close to both of them. when i was 14, Ryan was a bit more than a friend.... he asked me out then he asked some other chik out and never told me. he left for the army and my church split. when i was 15 i was helping my father at his job in a tractor repair shop. and i was working w/ a boy and i went out w/ him for a month.he offered sex to me and after alot of thought i declined. he had sex with girls and cheated on me. then Ryan came back in my life and we got closer... then he said he had converted to witchcraft. then i got really depressed and decieded i didnt want to live anymore so i stoped eating.. i hardly ate anything for about a month. then i was at a friend's house and i told her my entire life story, including the porn which i had never told anyone. and a couple weeks later i told my parents about everything. then my grandfather died. Ryan came back and i finally decided to stop trying to make a relationship with him. then when i turned 16 i was still thinking of ryan and i had dark desires and i stayed alone alot. then i descided that cutting would help. and it didnt. then Daniel asked me out and he helped me through alot.. then i fell back and heard dark voices and started cutting again... then my best friend, Karina, and Daniel picked me up again.... so i decided that all i had left was the hope that God was there. and i knew he was there.... so i started abible study and i cried alot about alll the stuff i had screwed up.
and now im 17, i have some anger issues toward my father butim dealing with it. I have two great friends and ... God loves me no matter how many times i fall...

[jump4joy07]

Ok, so here goes.

I prayed for Jesus to be my Savior at the tender young age of 6. I vaguely understood what i had done, but not exactely. I was raised in a church-going home and my mother loved the Lord and my father claimed to. I really didn't think more of my salvation after that, except at breif times when i thought that maybe i should really live my life for God. I kept up my charade until about the age of 10. My dad left my mom for another woman and it tore me up inside. I was 11 and in 8th grade when the divorce was made final and i no longer had someone that i wanted to call my dad. My oldest brother was in prison at the time that this all took place, and he felt awefull for not being there. I pretty much survived middle school and chose not to talk about my home life. My family had moved to another church where i didn't know anyone just before my dad left and i felt that i had no one to talk to. Upon my freshman year of high school, i started my first year in a real public school. before that it had been homeschooling or private schools. I started to hang out with people that had similar home stories to mine. I became severely depressed and cut off my visits with my dad because i hated him so much. I began to cut my family out of my life little by little and shut up within myself. I also began to cut myself, literally. I would get in a huge fight with one of my family members then escape to my room to cut myself all over again. I felt so alone in my battle to keep myself alive. I had stopped going to church and refused to go to counseling. One night, when my mom and i had gotten in another fight, i took somewhere around 50 asprin and hoped to go to sleep and never wake up. I went to bed, and the reality of what i had just done hit me. For the first time in months, i prayed that i wouldn't die, i told Jesus that i would live for him if he would let me live. I did live, but i didn't live for Jesus. I kept on in the same pattern for at least 5 months, though i changed over to a Christian school. Shortly after arriving at the Christian school, i went on a retreat with them. On the retreat they had a speaker who talked about forgiveness and how anger will turn into hate which will turn into bitterness. I decided that i didn't want that to happen to me. the story doesn't end there though, it took me another year to finally make up my mind and my heart that i wanted to live for Christ and Him alone. I had attended a church activity with my cousins and i rededicated my life to Christ.
Since then my life has changed drastically. I have found strength in Christ to forgive my dad, and tell my family that i am sorry. I am so far from where i should be still though. It takes every ounce of me to rely on Christ, and that's what i try to give. My dad has called a few times since my turnaround and it breaks my heart to hear him drunk and talking about my family the way that he does, but every time that it happens, it teaches me to rely on Christ to bring me through. My family has suffered greatly from what has happened, and we are always in danger of falling apart because of our differences, but my mother and i pray, and God will see us through.
So all in all, a lot of tears have been shed, but i have faith that i will make it through.

[Rainn]

At 17 years old I had a personal encounter with Jesus. I have to tell you that before that I was very rebellous. Sex, drugs and rock and roll were pretty much all I had on my mind. I was also dabbling in the occult and was pretty much on my way to becoming a witch if I had continued on that path. To try to make a long story as short as possible for times sake. Let's just say that one evening a few friends and myself experienced someone who was literaly demon possesed. Regan from the exorcist didn't have much on this guy. And, considering I was coming from a traditional baptist upbringing. We never had to deal with to many situations like this one.

After that happened I couldn't seem to shake what I had seen. I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep. All I could do was read my parents Bible and curl in fetal position to feel safe. One thing I need to add is that when the guy I was telling you about earlier was manifesting this demon. There was a strange burning smell that filled the room. Anyway, if I wasn't reading the Bible I could smell that smell trying to almost in circle me in a way.

Needless to say I was headed for a mental institution. I remembered hearing about a pastor who lived in a small town not too far away who had dealt with demons. People had said he had been to Haiti and went up against Voodoo priest and no harm came to him. If anything they said he was converting tribes to Jesus. I knew he would be the one to help me if I could be helped.

My mom took to me to one of his services. I was not even capable of driving myself at that time. Very different from what I was used to when I had been to Sunday school as a child. This was a charasmatic church and it was amazing. The music, the worship, the freedom those people had was something I had never experienced before. I recieved prayer that night and continued going for the next few weeks. God involved in the youth group and met a couple of friends. Things were looking up but still I didn't have the peace that I was seeking. I wanted something more real. A real encounter with God. I had see you could have an ecounter with the devil so I knew there had to be away to get closer to God.

I had a couple of friends from the church come over and spend the night with me one night. That night as I lay there just about to fall asleep I asked the Lord, " Lord I have heard what all these people say about you. I have listened to the pastor and I believe what he says. But, I need to hear from you. You know what I have experienced and what I have been through. I need to be with you and know for sure for myself."

As soon as I said that I left my body and was in the most beautiful place that I have ever seen. It was a green pasture with rolling hills. I wished I had the words to describe the beauty that was in everything. The colors of the grass and sky seemed to be almost alive. As I looked up a small hill I saw a small stone building. It was made out of the smoothest stone I had ever seen and it seem to be carved out of one piece. There was an opening for a door way and I began to walk up the hill in that direction.

When I got to the door way I looked in and there was a man sitting at a round stone table that had two stone chairs. His back was to me but I could see in front of Him was a table filled with all sorts of wonderful food. He had shoulder length brown hair and a blue robe on with brown sandals. As soon as I looked at him I looked down at myself and noticed that I had on a gown that should have been white but it looked ripped and burned.

I looked back at Him and thought to myself, " Is this the Messiah" ? Strange thing is I had never used that word in my life up to that point. As soon as I thought that He turned to me. I couldn't see directly in His face because a light shown from it. But, I could catch glimpses of His facial features when He would turn to the side.

He looked at me and immediately showed me the scars in His hands. Then He took hold of the bottom of His robe and lifted it enough to show the scars in His feet. He asked me to come and sit and the table with Him. As I walked to the table and sat down. He had a loaf of bread that He was beginning to pray over and break in half. I asked Him, " if you are the messiah why do you have to pray, your God"? He answered and said, " we must do all things in accordance with the will of the Father, and be thankful to Him for all things."

He told me to ask Him anything I wanted to ask Him and He would answer me. I can't remember what I asked or His exact answers. But as I asked and He answered the food was dissapearing off the table. When we were finished He asked me to stand up and look out of a small opening in the stone that had been cut out for window. As I stood up I looked down at the gown I had on. Now instead of being burnt and nasty and gross. It sparkled it was so while. It was the purest white I had ever seen.

I walked to the window and could see another small stone building with two small openings for doors at the foot of the hill. I could hear horrible sounds coming out of it. People were in morning. You could hear them crying and wailing. They were crying over the dead and people who were in spiritual torment. I couldn't see what was going on in there but from the sounds, I knew it was terrible.


He looked at me and said, " you go through the door on the left and I will take over". I looked at Him and said, " I don't need to go down there, you do". Leave it to me to question God's instruction. Thank God He showed mercy. He said, " if you will go through that door I will take over". I did as He told me and went. I do not remember what went on in there but I do know that they were healed, set free of demonic torment, and ran rejoicing out of that building up the hill to were He was waiting for them.

As I came out the door of this building behind the people I could feel myself being pulled away, back to the place I entered at. I looked up at Him and said, " please don't make me leave, I never want to leave You, I never want to be apart from You again." He looked at me and with these words that He has held true to for all these years, even when I didn't deserve it. He said, " I will never leave you and never forsake you, even unto the ends of the earth". As soon as He said this I landed back in my body on my bed the next morning. I had been gone all night long and it felt like twenty minutes.


What blew me away was the first time I read in my bible Jesus saying the same thing to His disciples. " I will never leave you or forsake you". I'm a witness to this and can say with all honesty and integrity," HE IS ALIVE"!!
And He loves us more than anything we could ever ask or imagine. My favorite scripture is Ephesians 2:8, " It is by grace through faith that we our saved, not of ourselves it is the gift of God, lest any man should boast."

I hope anyone who reads this will be encouraged to seek Him on a more intimate level. It's about being in relationship with Him and nothing more. He says if you love me you will obey me. You can't love someone you don't know. It's a process just like getting to know someone knew. Seek His face not His hand.

[IAMBORED]

Wow, God is amazing. That was a great story rainn. I honestly teared a little just out of pure joy that Our saviour would answer your honest request. I am at a loss for words. I can't explain how great that must have been just being in his presence! God Bless You and I hope that your walk with our Father only strengthens from here on out

[Gavs]

Don't have time to write it out now but I will first thing on Tuesday as Monday is a holiday here in SA!

Cheerio

[Arwin S]

Hello all,

My name is my username; Arwin S. This is my first post in this online community. I am apart of many forums on the web but this one I pray I frequent the most. I reside in central valley of California. Apart of the worldwide known Youth For Christ otherwise known as YFC. I would like to share with you my testimonal, or rather how I re-found my faith in God and his teaching.

Before I officially joined YFC a close friend had asked me to come to one of the meetings. Being at a troubled time in my life (family problems) I figured Id give "group therapy" a shot. At least I thought YFC was all about group therapy. First couple meetings I went only to please friends. Going only to see the girls of the group hoping Id get to know one of them. I didnt completly envolve myself into the meetings or in God. I went to church once a month during that time. I thought I was being a good Christian. Then as days passed and then months. I stopped going to the meetings, and even to church. Although I was not doing anything too sinful such as drinking, doing drugs, or having sex. I still was sining and lieing to myself that I was a good boy.

Come couple years later after the problems with the family subsided and things were looking good. My same friend that had asked me to go the first to the first meeting. She had asked me if I wanted to go to one of YFC's camps. Being a good friend and not wanting to dissapoint her I agreed.

Now I dont want to give much away. But at camp it was an experiance like no other. It made me realize my current relationship with God, my knowledge of the scriptures and teachings. That even though I felt so disconnected that God was still their for me to provide for me and that I would first have to look to him. I became close to many of the individuals I met and praised with.

Today, I am a proud member of YFC NorCal Chapter. I am trying to do evangeling work helping out others who have yet to have found God themselves. My angr, my whole outlook on life has change because of him and becuase of YFC.

So thank the Lord for allowing me to find him again and lifting up my heart. I pray for those who have yet to have found the path of righteousness. I would also like to praise and thank you for taking the time to read this if any do.

God Bless
In Him
Arwin S

[Beowulf]

Here goes. For anyone reading this, I'd appreciate anomymity, so nobody tell Taylor (username: mtlmouth. I know her from outside the internet). I have a hard time talking about this in real life, so bear with me.

Well, here goes.

Basically, I grew up in a Christian home. I was raised Christian/Catholic. (My Mom was raised Roman Catholic. She assigned me a patron saint at birth.) I was always a "good kid," I guess. I won high honors in the Awana club, which was also where I accepted Christ for the first time at age 6. I'm not sure what I was thinking at the time, but I think I was mostly trying to please my parents. I thought of Jesus as fire insurance. He didn't really matter to me then, He was just a way for me to keep myself from going to Hell. That basically sums up what I believed then.

Through Elementary and Middle School, I didn't really think about Him. I didn't study my Bible enough, and I rarely prayed. I only really thought about God on Sundays. I didn't really give Him a second thought.

Then, towards my freshman year in High School, something weird started to happen. These really bad thoughts started popping into my head. Not much at first, but it got worse and worse to where that was almost constant. During spring break, I spent days just pacing back and forth trying to get rid of these thoughts. I became convinced that I was so evil, God wouldn't want to save me and that I would go to Hell. I spent almost a whole day crying. I called my pastor on my 14th birthday, and after I talked to him, I felt better. But the thoughts kept coming. I even had serious thoughts of killing myself. I was convinced that I could never go to Heaven. I begged God to help me. That was when I first really gave my life to Him. After that, the bad thoughts started to go away.

A short time afterwards, I developed this terrible fear of germs and contamination. I started washing my hands 30-40 times a day. I started seeing a psychologist, who later referred me to a psychiatrist. He diagnosed Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD). About 2% of the population has OCD, so it isn't all that rare. But only 1 out of 5 patients are girls like me, so I'm unusual that way. My psychiatrist perscribed an anti-depressant, and I've felt better since then. (The bad thoughts, which were also a symptom, are pretty much gone). I still have a lot of trouble functioning while in contaminated places. I'm almost like a real-life Adrian Monk. I also get sick a lot, because I wash the good germs off my hands every time I wash. I still trust God, because He cares about me and knows what's best for me. He's always there to remind me that my life has a purpose, even when my symptoms get the better of me or things seem darkest. I think my trouble with the disorder brought me closer to God and showed me that I need Him. God's love is amazing. That's all anybody needs.

[twinner2]

as weird as this may sound, but i never really felt like i have much of a testimoney

im a strong christian and have been for a couple of years

actually ive been a christian pretty much all my life, but never acted upon it until jr. high when i went into the youth grop at my school

my youth pastos have told me even though i really don t feel like i have one, i do

but i stil dont feel like i have a testimoney, at all

anybody else out there feel the same way?

[agarciaz20]

Here is mine... lets hope that it doesnt get to long, it usually takes a while in person, its like my life story.

I have just recently turned 22. I live very close to the border between the US and Mexico. Like most of the population here, i am Hispanic and was born Roman Catholic. For the first 10 years of my life i was taken to a Catholic church, and was bored out of mind for an hour a week. For those who have never stepped into a Catholic Church, think about a huge church with alot of people AND alot of repetitive tradition. (If there are any Catholic's reading this, i apologize if this offends but this is the way that i saw it at the church that i was forced to go to.)

I never felt the presence of God there. So by the time I was around 10-11, my parents had decided that I was old enough to decide if I wanted to go to church. This may seem that my parents gave me alot of options as a kid... but hey I was a rather smart kid . Anyway, when they gave me that choice, I had figured out and decided that there wasnt a God. I never felt him so how could he be there. So by the time i was in middle school, I was an Athesist. I would only go to church on major holidays, only when my parents would force me. (kind of scarey isnt it?)

Fast forward 7 years later (when i was a Senior in High School and about 17 years old), I was introduced to some new friends. Who invited me to there youth meetings at their church (Christian non-demoninational). I went several times, but that was just to hang out... never really paid much attention to the youth pastor, still considered myself an Atheist at the time.

Fast forward 3 more years (the summer of 2004)... I was about to go on a trip and a few days before I left, I was talking to one of my friends (that was Christian), and i told her that i was leaving for a trip. The last thing she told me was that she would be praying for me, for my safetly. I didn't think much of it, and I went on my trip. Within an hour after arriving i was in a car accident.

My cousins and I were driving on the left lane of the expressway (of a major city, just in case you are wondering) when suddenly traffice bottle necks, and my cousin has to slam on the brakes. As as my cousin slams on the brakes we hear this loud thump. As soon as i heard it, i turn around and there was this guy on a motorcycle doing these rolls, he had hit us. As soon as I see this I turn back around, because i know the guy is going to end up dead. If him hitting the pavement at over 60+ mph is not going to kill him, then he is going to get run over by the guy behind him. So after he hits us, my cousin and another car pulls over to see about the guy on the motorcycle. By the time my cousin pulls over, the guy has already gotten up with his motorcycle. He is alright, nothing but a couple of scrapes and bruises. That might be a miracle just itself, but a few minutes later the cops show up, and that when we get the full story.

So me and my cousins are driving on the left lane of the expressway (before the accident). The guy on the motorcycle is driving behind us. The other guy that pulled over is driving behind the guy on the motorcycle, this guy turns out to be an off-duty cop. He see's the guy on the motorcycle driving recklessly and he slows down. The accident happens, the guy on the motorcycle is rolling in the middle of the left lane of the expressway, the off-duty cop is able to stop before hitting the guy and pulls over with us. The cops show up and the off-duty cop is our witness that it wasnt our fault.

No one died or was seriously injured... and all i could hear in my head is the voice of my friend telling me she would pray for me. I come back from my trip and asked her if I could go with her to church on sundays.

I started off slow. (since a christian non-denomination chruch was totally and completely different than my old idea of church) Started reading my bible and started praying. Eventually started going to services on wednesday, then helped my small church start a youth group (and am now there all the time to help with them). Eventually joined a bible study lead by my youth leader, then joined a bible study lead by my pastor. A couple of months ago, the pastor's son and I, started our own bible study with the guys of the youth. Finished the new testament a month back and am working on the old testament. (this has happened in over a year and a couple of months)

I am thinking about taking a short mission trip during the summer. (anywhere between 2-4 weeks) And just this weekend i was at a retreat, and have never felt closer to god and am thinking about a future in ministry.

Psalm 25:7-8

[AbidinHim]

In short, I was a knucklehead for 44 yrs. In '95 God opened my eyes and has been using me since. Praise the LORD!!!
(When I get used to navigating around I will give the longer version.)

[rockstar0173]

i had cancer at like 7. i wuz dying. at the time i was staying at a preachers house. he brought my fam 2 da LORD and ive been a christian evah since. bout cancer...... GOD healed me as soon as i started livin 4 him. HE has blessed me with life as well as my talent with music. i am 4evah grateful. 4 only him will i die...


p.s. HA! and da docs said theres no cure 4 it

[christian_boy_7]

Lately i have been falling away from God and becoming closer to the world. Last night God spoke to me and today our church service was awesome. i know that i'm gonna stay with God forever now

[lilstrat101]

Yeah, I've been totally falling away from God, but I listened to this song by KJ-52"Life After Death" I cried and prayed. That got me thinking more about God. I really need to stick closer to him as I plan to.

[Soulfire900]

Hmmm...my testimony.....

I accepted jesus as my savior at..well about 5. ay age six I was molested by a friend of my step-dad's and I didn't tell anyone until after he had been kicked out for not paying rent, which was about 6 months later.

I was pretty sad. I knew the Bible, but i didn't know the Bible, you know ? (haha)

I was getting to be pretty much okay with the molesting, and forgetting about it until around the age of 12 my biological father had started coming around again after 3 years.

At this time I was terrified of him. He would hit me when i was younger. I stopped seing him when I was 9.

The state of Texas said that if he didn't start paying child-support he'd have to let my step-dad adopt me (something like that), which is exactly what i wanted...and still do.

So he started coming around. The third visit my bio dad, my step-mom, and my little sister and two younger brothers (on that side) went to my step-grandmother's house. Of course, they badmouthed my family and told me that my mom had to be admitted to the psychiatric ward for 6 months after I was born. I was 12! i didn't know what to say! So I just...didn't talk.

not even after my dad molested me. For he second time in my life I had been violated in the worst way. I took a shower and tried to wash awat the dirty feeling.

I couldn't press charges. There was no evidence, I had waited too long.

So they both got away.

I live still with the guilt of not telling right away.

At 14 I thought about suicde. Alot. I got sadder and more sad each month. I think the worst thing i didn't do was talk about it.

around...oh I think it was May that I printed out a suicide letter, a will and cleaned my room. I found a razor and was about to puch it to my skin when i just stopped. I could feel this nudging and I said "Fine! You don't want me to die, then SHOW ME NOW!!"

I waited for about 10 seconds.

Then my little brother came in (I have 4 siblings. This is the one I live with full time) who was 8 at the time. he said to me "Sissy, I don't know why but I'm very very sad right now!" He started crying.
I hid the razor.

"Why, Bubby?" I asked.

"Sissy, if you ever left, I'd cry all the time because I'd miss you too much. Then when I'd see you again, I'd cry harder because I'd be so happy to see you!"

Then I started crying and dropped the razor and hugged my brother very, very tightly.

I had found this website...www.kutlessrocks.com that had a prayer forum. I had joined to win a kutless skateboard for my bro, and i ended upbrowsing the site. I posted a thread to see if they'd respond.

They did. I was surprised. About 5 different people said they'd pray for me.



I turned 15 3 months later. I'm still friends with all of the people that prayed for me. One's name is John, one is Mike, and my favorite person is Kristi. ( I know these are only 3 but...oh well!)
I used to HATE to be touched. i freaked out IN CHURCH (as in near crying, squeaky noises, clenching up) during a prayer and nearly pulled away when a little old woman touched my shoulder. My mom was like "it's okay...it's okay" and after the service was over my mom practically protected me from all the hands coming up to shake mine. We ran. it's uh...a bit embarassing now, lol.

but I've re--dedicated my life to Christ...and I'd say things are awesome but that'd be a lie. We had a cancer scare with my dad, but the tumor disappared when the doctors went in to retrieve it. (Hahaha...)

I study the bible whenever i remember...sometimes. I'm getting better though. I'm turning 16 in August and I thank God that I had to go through that! I'd be stupid, naive, and probaly less modest.

so all in all...I'm the female version of Job...just not as dedicated in the early years.

[Vespertine]

Thats quite an inspiring story. I'd encourage you to seek God daily, or as often as you can. I know how hard it is to set aside the time and to focus in but it is certainly very rewarding and God will bless you for it. Thankyou for sharing that.