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Old 09-04-2003, 11:59 PM   #1
Get with the fusion
 
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Untitled
I've bragged,
and I've bragged.
I've simplified and rethought,
Processing insignificant reloads,
Reposing indefinitely a plagiarism,
Increasing my preaching to dusk.

I've filtered
a smoke alarm's whistle and chirp.
I've listened in favoritism,
Pissed off and on like a bird,
Sipping on my filterism's eyeball,
Closing tightly a rigid faultline.

I've persuaded,
and persuaded.
I've pursued hope's candles,
Living while supressing,
Adopting some foreign neo-ism,
Travelling without instinct.

I've declined,
a reasonable neglect to sport.
I've reclused from the watchtower,
Dressed with ferrus plastic,
Sleeping next to the favoritism,
Leaving, forever, forever.



You can RC if you like.

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I would separate your attributes
And make them all holy ones
And sing you a song for each one
I do, I see, and I taste from inside
The way you come to me
Is like being pulled out to sea in riptide fashion
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Old 09-05-2003, 01:47 PM   #2
RIP CITY.
 
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All hail the great Brooks Butler, king of the Lit forum.
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Old 09-05-2003, 05:43 PM   #3
beat
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BrooksB
Leaving, forever, forever.
I liked everything except for this little bit. It's not bad at all, really, I think it could just use something a bit more powerful for the closing. Either something more dynamic, or something less dynamic...it's kind of middle of the road right now. I know I'm being terribly nebulous, and I'm sorry. I guess what I'm saying is that it should end in a rush of power, or very, very gently. Great work, though.
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Old 09-06-2003, 01:53 AM   #4
Get with the fusion
 
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No, I understand completely what you mean by that. I'll be considering a revision soon. I'm close to crashing right now.
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I would separate your attributes
And make them all holy ones
And sing you a song for each one
I do, I see, and I taste from inside
The way you come to me
Is like being pulled out to sea in riptide fashion
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Old 09-06-2003, 05:19 PM   #5
Get with the fusion
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by meatfinger
All hail the great Brooks Butler, king of the Lit forum.
I am king of nothing
__________________
I would separate your attributes
And make them all holy ones
And sing you a song for each one
I do, I see, and I taste from inside
The way you come to me
Is like being pulled out to sea in riptide fashion
"BrooksB" is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-15-2003, 09:14 PM   #6
Get with the fusion
 
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I titled it. It's called "Iron Oxide"
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I would separate your attributes
And make them all holy ones
And sing you a song for each one
I do, I see, and I taste from inside
The way you come to me
Is like being pulled out to sea in riptide fashion
"BrooksB" is offline   Reply With Quote
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