[marvinranch]

Free pizza! Eureka Pizza was having this food drive thing - you bring a can of food to donate and you get a free large 1-topping pizza! They have the best pizza in Conway if I do say so myself. The price was right too

[Kati]

I went and wished Daniel a happy pre-birthday, so I guess I should you too, so you don't feel left out. So, happy pre-birthday. Any exciting plans?

[marvinranch]

ummmmmmmmm
we're having our last chemistry lab on my b-day, I plan to attend (coz if I skip I'll be in serious shi--trouble) and my mom will make me a cake on Friday so I can eat it on the weekend when I go home.

[Kati]

Chem lab...sounds thrilling.

[marvinranch]

oh it is, we're doing VSPER

[marvinranch]

Hey! My chem teacher announced today that Thursday's lab is moved to the following Thursday - so no lab on my b-day.

So I really don't have ANY plans. I betcha I hit Sonic or something like that and then I'll probably pack up my lava lamp to take home this weekend. I do such exciting things!

[anailev]

Sorry it's a bit too late, but better late than never..

HAPPY belated BIRTHDAY!!

No, you don't know me, I'm just a random person

[marvinranch]

Originally Posted by anailev

Sorry it's a bit too late, but better late than never..

HAPPY belated BIRTHDAY!!

No, you don't know me, I'm just a random person

Thanks! Got your post in my xanga too

[marvinranch]

I was SOCIAL today, can you believe it????

LOL

well, at least I had a good time sitting out on the sidewalk just chillin with Amanda, Phil and Shannon, as well as the random people who just walked by.
Was today Monday? Coz it seems like it's been about 3 days since I woke up...

[marvinranch]

I wore a SKIRT and MAKE UP today, can you believe THAT?





I am totally wrecking my reputation these days. OH well, I felt like being somewhat "social" so I attended a "luau" end of the year dorm party downstairs and I just randomly felt like dressing up - so I did. I wrote more about my day in my Xanga blog.

[marvinranch]

If you know the song that Reba McEntire sings...
"Her every breath is weaker than the last
And lately when she sleeps she talks about the past
Her husband knows she's tired of holding on
She looks up at him and says I want to go home

What do you say in a moment like this
When you can't find the words to tell it like it is
Just close your eyes and let your heart lead the way
Oh what do you say?"

That's exactly how I feel today. It's been about a year since my grandma had a stroke (a year next on Saturday). We went to her house to spend some time with her today and cook supper for my grandparents. My grandma temporarily lost some of her memory, but it has gotten better with time. She lost most of the use of her right hand, and some use in her right foot. At first they used therapy to try to get the use of her hand back, but it was only a little bit successful. We are thankful that she can still talk and eat just fine, and for the most part she can get around OK with a little help.

Anyway, it has been and continues to be very hard on my family. Obviously it is very very hard on my grandpa who takes care of her day in and day out. It is hard on my grandma because she still sees things that need doing but she can't do anything. She feels so useless and helpless, and it makes her depressed. The doctors gave her anti-depressant drugs (besides the many others that she takes for pain and blood thinning, etc.) and they help, but she has mood swings pretty bad now. For the most part she is happy, but then she'll just get in this crying spell for a while. She feels very hopeless because she knows that she won't get any better. She feels useless because she can't do anything and everyone has to help her all the time. She sees things that she needs or wants to do, but she can't do them. Even just walking across the room and stuff is so difficult for her. She knows she's a burden to the rest of the family, though it doesn't really burden us too badly. This is very hard on my family, especially my grandpa who has to deal with it all the time. We feel sorry for her being sick, but we're thankful for the things she can do. We aren't especially burdened with her, we're all very willing to help, etc.
She just doesn't quite think logically, but yet she is very logical. She doesn't see herself as useful/needed, and she realizes that she won't get well, and that she is a burden (at least in her opinion), so she doesn't see any real reason to keep living. My grandpa keeps cheering her up and pointing out all her blessings and stuff like that, but it wears on him too. She says stuff like "I'm so useless now, I don't know why the good Lord lets me live"
It's so sad, I mean, what do you say?

I know how she feels, because my right hand was injured for a little while. Obviously not as bad as her, but temporarily at least I couldn't do much of anything with it. It was very stressful because I still wanted to/tried to do stuff but I couldn't. I would cry out of frustration too. The really bad part is that I knew that it would eventually heal, she knows that she won't, ever. So yes I can see exactly why she feels this way. I'm just not sure how to deal with it. Since there is perfect logic to this way of thinking, and I understand it, I'm not sure how to cheer her up. It's so hard to deal with. I feel for my grandpa too.
I realize how fragile this life is, that if anything happened to my grandpa's health the rest of my family would have to pick up and take care of BOTH of them. It could throw off my entire education, stuff like that. My greatest fear is that some day I will be sitting in class and my phone will ring, and it'll be someone calling to say that my grandma or grandpa has had some kind of emergency. I'll be over an hour's drive away from their hospital, and I know I would be on the road in 2 seconds flat in a tripple-digit truck risking my life to get there.

I just want to cry, I don't ask why this happened, or why my grandma had to have these problems, but I do cry because of the way she has to feel about it. Not because she can't do anything much, but because she KNOWS she can't do anything. I cry because she cries.

I just don't know how to deal with it, my whole family needs prayer. Especially my grandpa and mom who have to be strong for her.

(copy of my post in the prayer request forum)

[Kati]

I know exactly what you mean (my grandparents are in similar situations right now; my grandfather doesn't remember/realize much, but my grandmother has been feeling useless and a burden, particularly lately, and it's heartbreaking to see how depressed and frustrated she gets). I wish I had advice, but I haven't really figured out how to deal with it myself, except to pray a lot. And I'll be keeping your family in my prayers.

[RawkforChrist]

I'm bored and at my dad's store and so I thought I'd post here so here is my post.. does your grandma have use of her left hand? and if so couldn't she do something like write cards or something to cheer other people up? I mean I'm always hearin stories about people who where stuck and couldn't do things but they did something small that impacted people and then in succesion to that it impacted them.. Just a suggestion hope that might help... Well I'm goin back to my music... lol

[marvinranch]

she is/was right handed though, and she just isn't coordinated with her left hand. She can't even type

[RawkforChrist]

interesting..hmm.. I don't know what I would do if I couldn't use my left hand.. anyways what else to say.. hmm.. I dunno but hey thanks for coming and posting in my blog.. later