[Becky]

Well, it's not exactly original. I took a story, and turned it into a script. I would like to be able to perform this on stage, but before I show it to my drama instructer, would like your opinion... is there anything I could do better in either stage derection, or diologe, or idea, or anything. Any advice would be most welcome, thanks

Scene 1.

In a restaurant, a man sits alone at a table for two. Table in center of room, with a chair at each end. On the table lays a table cloth, a Bible, a centerpiece, and a coffee cup. Two chairs in back left corner, with two people in them, same with back right corner. Front right, a woman sits/stands behind a desk/table/stand. The man is sitting on the left side of table, he is dressed in a tie and sports coat. Man checks his watch, waiter enters carrying coffee container. from the right. Walks up to lonely man

Waiter: “would you like to go ahead and order, sir?

Man: (after slight pause, breaths heavily) “No, thank you. I’ll wait for her a while longer. How about some more coffee?”

Waiter: “certainly sir” (waiter, already having the coffee in her hand, pours it into the man’s cup.) Is there anything else I can get for you, sir?

Man “no thank you”

Waiter (hesitatingly) “I don’t mean to pry, but…..”

Man “go ahead” (said in an inviting, strong, sensitive, encouraging manner)

Waiter: (blurts out) “why do you bother waiting for her? ”

Man “because she needs me”

Waiter “Are you sure?”

Man “yes”

Waiter “ well, sir, no offense, but assuming that she needs you, she sure isn’t acting much like it. She’s stood you up three times just this week.”

Man (winces, and looks down at table) “yes, I know”

Waiter “then why do you still come here and wait?”

Man “Cassie said that she would be here”

Waiter “ she said that before, I wouldn’t put up with it. Why do you?”

Man (looks up at waiter and smiles) “Because I love her”

(waiter walks from table over to the woman at the desk on the right.)

Woman at desk: He’s still here, huh?

Waiter “I just don’t understand it, how can he love a girl who stands him up three times in one week?? He’s got to be crazy” (looks over at man)

(Man is pouring cream into his cup, and every few moments checking his watch)

Woman: “he doesn’t look crazy”

Waiter “maybe the girl has qualities that I don’t know about. Or maybe the man’s love is stronger than most. (shakes head ) (room freezes as man starts to talk)

Man: (turns body to face audience, looking at waiter, and pointing) “I wonder if she’s ever been stood up. I can’t count the number of times it’s happened to me. It never gets any easier. (stands up and walks toward front of stage) Each time it hurts. I was looking forward to this evening all day. I have many things, EXCITING things, to tell Cassie. But, more then that, I wanted to hear Cassie’s voice. I wanted her to tell me all about her day, her triumphs, her defeats… anything! I’ve tried so many times to show Cassie how much I love her. I’d just like to know that she cares for me too. I know she’s late… but maybe.. Just maybe she’ll still show up (at first maybe, start walking backwards slowly to chair) I can always hope” (says last few words raising his hands a little, kind of shrugging.. Sits back down)
(moment’s pause, with man looking down at table. Waiter looks at watch, and returns to man’s table)

Waiter “Is there anything I can get for you?”

Man (grimising slightly as he looks at empty chair, and says next words with pain) “No, I think that will be all for tonight. May I have the check please?”

Waiter: “yes, sir” (waiter exits)

Man (picks up check, pulls out wallet) “I have enough money to have given you a feast. Why do you do this Cassie?” (puts the money on the table, and walks slowly to the right. Walks up to woman at counter, while the waiter eventually comes out and takes the money, and coffee cup and other utensils)

Woman “Seven o’clock tomorrow for a party of two?”

Man “that’s right”

Woman “do you think she’ll come?”

Man “someday, yes. And I will be waiting for her” (man exits)
Women “poor fellow, there he walks away, hunched up, and saddened. I can only guess whether he’s hunched against the wind, or against the hurt that girl has brought on him” (lights go out)

Scene 2. Lights come back on, the people in the back ground are gone, the waitress is gone, and the woman behind the desk is gone. But the table is still there, with the table cloth, the centerpiece, and the Bible. Cassie enters from stage left, wearing a sweater/coat, and carrying her purse. Walks over behind the table, throwing sweater/coat onto the chair. Picks up the bible.

Cassie “Oh, that’s right! I’d planned to spend time with God tonight! Ah well, I had fun with my friends, and now I need my sleep. Maybe tomorrow night. Jesus will forgive me, I’m sure He doesn’t mind.”

[Skeeter]

Ah yes, I know that story. You've done a good job of it, but I'd like to see you improve the last line that the Woman says. It just seems a little trite. I don't know, maybe it was in the original story, but it comes off as a little cheezy.

[froggee501]

I've never heard that story before, but it's pretty cool. The only problem would be that Scene Two sounds kind of fake, kind of pushing the moral too hard, but then again, it may not be acted that way.

[Becky]

Originally posted by skeeter_dan
Ah yes, I know that story. You've done a good job of it, but I'd like to see you improve the last line that the Woman says. It just seems a little trite. I don't know, maybe it was in the original story, but it comes off as a little cheezy.

Yeah, it wasn't as cheese in the story.. cause that was basicly what the woman was thinking/what the author figured she'd have to wonder about. It was very hard to come up with somehting for that... any suggestions on how to make it better?

how about ......

Woman “poor fellow, how could anyone girl sluff off such commitment" (lights go out)


And Froggie, thanks for the advice! I'd been thinking the same thing actually.. I didn't like the original, so that was my revised version of it I'm not sure how to make this one better :-\ how about if I did this:

Cassie “Oh, that’s right. I’d planned to spend time with God tonight. But I needed that time with my friends... and now I need my sleep. Maybe tomorrow night. I’m sure He doesn’t mind.”

Got eny better words for "mind"... it's not good enough.. I don't think.