[God's Jedi]

This has been the longest half-week of my life. Aside from all the stuff about Lanie, I've started working at Habits, and have had to be there at freaking 7:30 each morning. And there's so much downtime while I'm there, I don't have much to do but sit. And worry. I haven't gotten to talk to Blair all week, so I've been worried out of my mind about her. I've been in pretty constant contact with Katy, but she's seemed really down a lot, so I've worried about her. It's just all been so...bleh.

But, that's not important right now. Katy texted me this morning to say that they had called off the search out at the lake. She was really angry. So I called her and tried to calm her down. I went all day and didn't hear a thing until about 3:30. Right before I was leaving, a woman was in there and said that they had found Lanie. I called my mom, and she confirmed it. And then, I almost lost it. I had, for some reason I didn't know, turned on my Coldplay CD. While I talked to my mom, a song was playing called The Scientist, as song I've heard hundreds of times, but never really felt until right then.

Nobody said it was easy
It's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
Noone ever said it would be this hard
Oh, take me back to the start

I stood there, staring into space, for what seemed like an eternity. It was the first time that it actually hit me what was happening. Lanie was actually gone. One of the brightest lights I had ever seen had been extinguished. And I realized how much she, who I never thought was that important me, meant so much in the long run. So yeah. That is how my day was.

I came home and just sat for a while. Russ called, and we talked for a good while. After we hung up, Katy texted me to tell me that church was going to be at the lake. I met her and Kelly at her office at ten 'till 7, and we drove out there. Blair somehow ended up not far behind us. We all walked up together, until we were stopped by the News people. Blair took a few mintues to tell them what was on her mind. We then walked into the lake house, where there were an incredible number of people. I said hey to the few of them that I knew. I kept glancing out the window and seeing Lanie's best friends, the group of people that were closer than any group of people I remember meeting. I would look at each of them, and really believe that the next person I looked at would be Lanie. I had to keep consciously reminding myself that she wasn't there. That was the hardest part.

After a long time, Joey gathered us out onto the deck. We sang, and then he read the story of Elijah and Elisha. Elisha couldn't understand why God wanted to take his master away from him. When He did, the only thing he askled for was to have triple Elijah's spirit, and that's what he got. He carried on Elijah's legacy. None of us can understand why God wanted to take Lanie from us. But now, we have to carry on her legacy, which was a legacy of love and understanding towards everyone. Joey lost it a couple times. So did a lot of people. Especially when he had everyone tell something Lanie had taught them. That was the most beautiful, and the most painful, part of the whole night. After we were done, I just stood there, looking out over the water. Others were putting little tea candles into the water. Most of them drowned rather quickly. A few stayed lit for a while before sinking. But there was one, lit by Jatin, that kept looking like it would go under, but would always rise up again. And it went far out into the dark water, and never went out while I was watching it. I thought that was a beautiful metaphor for Lanie.

I'll post tomorrow or Firday about the other stuff that has gone on the past two weeks. This had to take precednece.

In the arms of the Angel,
Far away from here,
In the arms of the Angel,
May you find some comfort here

[God's Jedi]

I don't even know what to say right now. I feel like this entire week is somehow a dream. I keep trying to convince myself that this is really last Friday, that I've just gotten home from spending the morning with Blair, that I somehow fell asleep and am now just waiting to wake up. But...it's not, is it? I talked to Art on MSN the other night. I told him that I knew that somehow, my life was going to change completely, and soon. I was basically right. My life is nothing near what it was a week ago today.

Today was Lanie' funeral. I opened the store at 7:30, then my grandfather came and took over at 9:30. I went to the church, where I quickly searched out Blake. He and I stood in the foyer for a while. Neither of us really wanted to go in. We did once Emily got there. Bryson, Blair, Jillian, and Nicole were all sitting on a row. Blake and I sat by them until Emily got back over to us. We were on a small row, so I just went and sat in the back. That wasn't entirely over the lack of space, I guess. I really felt....unwanted up there. No reason why, that's just the vibe I was getting. I moved back closer up and sat with Mr. Walter and Ms. Kathy, and Katy and Kelli came and sat by us when they arrived. Greg and Alex were honorary pall bearers. I don't know how they made it through the service. Greg came in with the other pall bearers, weeping. Mr. Gary had to basically drag Alex in. I don't know how Alex got up on stage to sing, but he did. The service was beautiful, both joyous and heartbreakingly sad at the same time.

A few of us went to Moe's afterwards. Then, I had to go back to work and stay until freaking 5:30. My grandfather sat and talked with me for a while. I cried so much that it's not even funny. But hey, I'm tough, remember? I muscled through it, and got my 6 hours in, giving me 30 so far this week. But I was just in such a terrible place all day emotionally. It didn't help any that something happened earlier that completely shattered me again. I completely understand why it had to happen, but it still is killing me. So...yeah. I wouldn'y be opposed to sticking my head in the toaster right about now.

I have to open again tomorrow, then decide if I want to go to graduation or not. I guess it depends on if Katy is going or not. *sigh* Can I wake up yet?

Yet another exciting day in the life of teh Jedi.

[God's Jedi]

It feels like someone is jabbing a sharp object straight into my temple. So, this shall be relatively short.

Saturday, Katy texted me and said she was feeling bad and wasn't going to graduation. Facing 2 hours of boredom and sitting by myself, I decided to just stay at work. I was still really sad, and beginning to feel bitter. I really didn't like that side of myself. I waded through the sea of emotions being thrown at me, and stayed until 3:30, getting a total of 39 hours for the week. I decided to go see Star Wars, and got Russ to go with me. That made me feel better, which is good.

Sunday...Sunday. Yes, well. I don't even know where to begin. I had so much anger and bitterness and confusion welled up inside of me that I became someone besides myself. I ignored Blair in Sunday School. If she tried to say something to me, I would either give her a short, snippy answer, or answer her with a very hurt look. Gah, I hate myself sometimes. In chrurch, I sat and waited for whoever was there to come. Two people sat by me whom I did not particularly like sitting by me. Then came my friends. Katy and Blair were first, followed by Jillian, Blake, and Emily. They all sat on the row in front of me. During the first song, I lost it. I just burst into tears. I guess that all my emotions chose that particular moment to catch up to me. We were standing up anyway, so I slipped myself out of the pew and went and sat on the back row by myself. I cried through more than half the service. But, at least when it was over, I was basically myself again. Blair called me at 12:30 that night. We talked until after 2, and I think we made a lot of healthy progress. Things have seemed...strange between us this week, and I pray that it's either a figment of my imagination or that it passes soon.

Blake and I went to Garfield's afterwards, then played pool at the bowling alley. I actually beat him in one game. I was so proud. He had to go to Emily's grandparent's 50th anniversary party, so he dropped me off. I went to church, and there was nobody there. I usually exaggerate when I say that, but I'm not this time. It was me and a bunch of old people. *sigh* Monday, I took myself to Chick Fil A, Best Buy, EB, and Hollywood Video. I rented Jade Empire, which I am now firmly addicted to. I've had it for 3 days and have put over 17 hours into it. I think I'm almost at the end. Yay.

I worked yesterday, and got paid. 232 bucks. Not bad. I sold over 1,100 bucks yesterday between 2 and 7:30. That's freaking insane. I was on my feet basically the entire time. Then the big shipment came in, so I had to spend over an hour checking all the stuff in. It was well past 8 when I got home. I called Blair, but her mom said she was asleep. So I resigned myself to Jade Empire.

I opened this morning, then went to get my new phone once I got off. I planned on getting one of the new Cingular Star Wars phones, but it turned out that the guy had been wrong and I couldn't upgrade my account until July 1st. So he promised to save me one, plus give me some extra stuff. I went to church about 6. Craig had just gotten back from his European expitition, so I talked to him about that for a while. Russ eventually showed up. Church was not good. Firstly, Nathan was doing the whole thing. I love Nathan to death, but his guitar playing drives me absolutely insane. Plus he made us watch about half of freakin' Napolean Dynamite. I hate that movie so much. Anyway. William made up for it at the end. As soon as Nathan dismissed us, the Star Wars theme song started blaring over the speakers, and up on the screen appeared words like the opening crawl from the movies: "It is a dark time for the church. It is under the tyrannical rule of the evil Lord Andrew, and his apprentice, Darth Russ." I don't rememeber what else, or what its point was. But it was awesome. Mainly because I am Russ's Master. Muwahahahaha.

Now, rest I need. Yes, rest.

Yet another exciting day in the life of teh Jedi.

[Art]

Congratulations on your sith lord status.

Otherwise, you are still firmly planted in my prayers.

[Simega]

I am unphased by this turn of events. I may be the apprentice, but soon I will be the master. It is the way of things. And you'll probably be killed by me because, you know, it's the sith way to do things.

[Ardent1]

Yay Andrew the Sith lord! lol...that par. made me laugh like whoa.

I shall pray for you and Blair and you. And Blair. And...
well, you know.

-angela-

[God's Jedi]

Originally Posted by Ardent1

Yay Andrew the Sith lord! lol...that par. made me laugh like whoa.

I shall pray for you and Blair and you. And Blair. And...
well, you know.

-angela-

Haha, thank you.

[God's Jedi]

What would life be like without surveys? Oh yeah...happy.

Stalking...

Name: Andrew

Birthdate: January 19, 1988

Birthplace: in that hospital...over there

Current location: my mom's room

What song do you have stuck in your head? Brace Yourself by Howie Day

What was the last movie you watched? The Empire Strikes Back

Eye color: brown

Hair color: Dark Brown, with light brown highlights now

Height: 6'5

Righty or lefty: Righty

Your weakness: doing absolutely anything people ask me to do

Your fears: Rejection, Carrot Top, pickles

What wouldn't you eat for a million dollars? 8 year old meat

Something you'd like to do before you die: Be happily married

Your most overused phrase: I'm impressed

Your thoughts when first waking up: SHUT UP YOU FREAKING ALARM CLOCK

Your best physical feature: My calves. And I've been told that my eyes are nice

Bedtime: Normal nights, between 12 and 2. Nights before I work, 11 or so

Your favorite memory involving the person who sent this to you: Wow. Uh....I guess when he and me and Blake got caught in the flood at Taco Bell and were herded into the middle of Wal Mart, all because of laundry detergent. But there are a lot of other good ones as well.

Pepsi or Coke: Coke, forever

Chocolate or vanilla: Chocolate shake

Smoke: Smoke...Smoke....Smoke...thank you, Family Guy

Sing: only to one person. Unless it's Phantom of the Opera music, in which case I don't mind making a fool of myself

Have a crush on someone: Do Natalie Portman and Hilary Duff count?

Do you think you've been in love? Si.

Favorite Food: garlic pretzels from Wetzel's

Favorite Drink: Dr. Pepper
Have you ever....

Consumed alcohol? not that I recall

Kissed someone you just met? No

Gone Skinny Dipping? In the bath tub

Stolen Anything? Don't believe so

Played a game that required taking your clothes off? Definitely not

Gotten beaten up? Nope.

Age you hope to be married: 23-27 or so

Kids? And if so how many? 2, Luke and Zoe. Althought neither of those things will probably happen

Sex before marriage: No

What do you want to be when you grow up? A Jedi

In a significant other....

Prefered eye color: I've always had a soft spot for blue, but green is also great. Brown is just...no thank you.

Prefered hair color: Blonde. And Russ makes fun of me all the time for it.

Short or long hair: Usually long, but short can be ok. Lol, I guess I better get used to short hair pretty soon

Best First Date: 3 hours at Moe's, nervous as all get out, wanting to make a great second first impression.

Best First Kiss: The one that has happened a thousand times in my mind, but never in real life.

Dream Wedding: I'd be happy with anything that doesn't involve a drive thru window in Vegas

Numbers....

Number of Scars: 3 small ones from my knee surgery. One on my elbow from an old football injury

Number of Piercings: None

Number of Tattoos: Ditto

When was the last time you saw the person who sent this to you? Less than half an hour ago.

[God's Jedi]

I am in 14 kinds of pain right now. Yesterday was the beginning of baseball season. So, I have the usual thigh/ab/shoulder stiffness you would expect from that sort of jump start to my athletic life. I also got hit on the back in my first at bat, then hit on the foot by a ground ball. A guy ran into my arm while I was reaching for a ball at 1st, and very nearly knocked my shoulder out of place. As it was, I only lost feeling in my arm for about 5 minutes, but now the whole joint and muscles hurt like crap. So yeah.

Anyway. Friday was what we in the business call a good day. I opened, and it was slower than anything. I'm a very slow reader, but in the 7 hours I was there, I read well over a hundred pages in my book, along with stocking the beer and cigarette orders that came in. I was about bored out of my mind. Thankfully, my grandfather came early and broke the monontiny. I left about 2:15 to go get my hair cut. Blair called me while I was driving over there. We were gonna do something that night, but she had gotten called to babysit. So then I began trying to think of something to do by myself that night.

Anyway, my haircut was awesome. After he cut it, he put in my highlights. All he did was a lighter brown. My mom and dad were the only ones who've even noticed that I have them in. Oh well. I then had to rush home and change to make it to baseball practice. It was great to finally get back out there. In this world, there are a few places that make me feel at home, and that is one of them. Yay. I got home about 7:30, and was in the mood for a pretzel. So I showered and went to the mall. I stopped and talked to Blake for a minute, then decided I was exhausted and wanted to go home. I couldn't call Blair, so I went to bed.

I played my games yesterday morning, then went into work about 1. Blake and Russ and I were gonna go do something once I got off, but Emily wanted Blake to stay with her at her house and watch a movie. So Russ and I went off by ourselves. We ate at Moe's, then went out to Border's. We grabbed assorted Star Wars books, which got us into a very odd conversation with the guy who worked there. Once I got home, I called Blair, but her mom was about to do a minor operation on her toe. She kept cutting out and eventually just hung up. So I went to sleep. For the third night in a row, I had major trouble sleeping. I've started having really wierd dreams, and will wake up at random times during the night. It's not fun. Not at all.

Church this morning was pretty bad. I felt terrible throughout the service. I've had very odd, very painful chronic migraines all week this week, and the one I got in church was one of the worst so far. It did eventually get better, so that's good I guess. Like always, everyone vanished after the service. I called Russ, but he hadn't slept last night, so he didn't feel like going anywhere. So I took myself to BYB, and then Best Buy, and then Barnes and Noble. I read a very good C.S. Lewis essay while I was there, along with part of another of his books, and another chapter in the Episode 3 novel. Church tonight was fun. I found myself my own row before it started, and watched as all my friends came in. None of them ever saw me, and I wasn't exactly in a state of mind to get up and go sit with them, so I stayed alone. We had a comedian come and perform, and he did a very good job. After, me and Katy and Blake and Emily and Jillian and Ally went to Pizza Inn. And then the rains came. And the wind. And the giant hail. And the lightning. I was the only one brave enough to drive home; everyone else went to Emily's, right around the corner.

I spent most of my time in Barnes and Noble thinking. I was struck this morning with a choice, a choice that could almost assuredly change my life completely, and possibly affect quite a few other people. This was why I didn't really want to sit with anyone in church. I believe I've made up my mind, but I'm still not sure if it's what I want. Well, I KNOW it's not what I want. But it might be what I need, at least for now. There are only a few people that I really want to know what it is at this moment, so I'm not gonna say any more here. But please, pray for me.

Yet another exciting day in the life of teh Jedi.

[Art]

Wow. You have me all curious about this. :/ Still in my prayers.

I am watching Phantom for the first time right now. Fantastic, except for the Phantom. This one couldn't hold Crawford's jock strap.

The Christine is simply delightful, though.

And Minnie Driver? Sublime.

[Ardent1]

Speaking of C.S. Lewis, you interested in the new Chronicles of Narnia movie? I got excited when I saw the trailer, myself.

[God's Jedi]

Originally Posted by Art

Wow. You have me all curious about this. :/ Still in my prayers.

I am watching Phantom for the first time right now. Fantastic, except for the Phantom. This one couldn't hold Crawford's jock strap.

The Christine is simply delightful, though.

And Minnie Driver? Sublime.

Don't worry. You shall know the secret soon enough.

Bah. Crawford wasn't dark and brooding enough. I've said that forever, and I'm sticking by it.

Yes, Emmy did an amazing job.

Haha, I am glad they didn't let Minnie sing, though. *sigh*

[God's Jedi]

Originally Posted by Ardent1

Speaking of C.S. Lewis, you interested in the new Chronicles of Narnia movie? I got excited when I saw the trailer, myself.

Heck yes! We were all sitting at the Star Wars premiere, and when that trailer came on, we were awestruck. I think it's gonna rock more than anything.

[God's Jedi]

Sometimes, I even amaze myself. I've been able to go since Sunday night without telling anyone my secret. Tonight convinced me that it is definitely the right decision, though. So I guess I have to tell people soon. I have no idea how I'm going to do that. I guess we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.

We had a game Monday night. I got the game winning hit. I always like doing that. My dad and I hung around for the next game. I talked to Nathan and Ashley for a while. Lee Ann was playing softball on the field behind us, and they were there to watch her.

Yesterday was awesome. I got home from work about 1:30, just in time to get a call from Russ. He came and got me, and we stayed at his house for a long time playing games. I got home just in time to find my mom and sister leaving to go eat. So I went with them. As we were pulling out of the neighborhood, Blair called me. We talked for a while, then I suddenly had the brilliant idea to invite her. So she met us up there, and we had a splendidly splendid time. We sat in the restaurant over an hour after we ate just talking. My mom then dragged us to Lifeway. Haha, we had tons of fun looking at the shirts. Hehe.

Today, I thought I was supposed to work until 2:30. I ended up being off at 10:30. Well, supposed to be off at 10:30, anyway. Blair had a lot of letters about the Dominican Republic she needed mailed, so she had dropped the envelopes off at Habit's. I had printed off the letter last night, and was supposed to get her to sign it. She was in such a hurry when she got there that I totally forgot. So I decided to try and just forge it. Yeah. That didn't work so well. So I did what my grandfather suggested and went ahead and made all the copies. He wanted me to take them to Persnickety and get them to sign them. But I don't have such a good record when it comes to going to see her at work. So I convinced my grandfather to do it. Hehe. He stole my shirt so that he wouldn't appear to be from Habit's, and left. He returned a minute later and said he had left them there for her to sign when she had a chance. So we waited. And waited. Then waited some more. About and hour and a half later, she called. So he went and got them, and we stuffed them in the envelopes. So if any of you ever doubt how deeply I'm commited to our friendship, I now have the tongue injuries to prove it. So there. I then went to the post office. I oddly saw Blake and Emily in the parking lot, so I talked to them for a bit. I then proved my commitment even more by putting stamps on the things. I don't think I have a thumbprint left. Ouch.

So anyway. I took my sister to church at 6, and sat in the courtyard by myself, pondering my decision. *sigh* Tonight was Ninth Hour's big reunion concert, and it was great. I never liked them a lot while they were around, but I realized tonight that I did kind of miss them (and the memories that accompany some of their concerts). I did get final confirmation of what I have to do while there, so I guess that's good.

Now, I go sit in bed and pretend to sleep. Cuz, ya know. Actually sleeping is for wimps.

But wait, I'm not done yet. Those of you here at CGR get let off the suspense first. This is the first time I've really expressed to any soul what I'm doing, so it's gonna be hard. This is what I've been mulling over for so many days: I'm leaving my church. Wow. I said it. How about that. Yes, I'm leaving my church. I have no idea where I'm going, or how long I'll stay away. I just know that right now, I can't be there. Much of it has to do with Blair, I guess. Our relationship is great everywhere except there, where she tends to ignore me. That's why I had to go sit in the back last Sunday. Not having her sit with me (or talk to me) makes it very painful to be there. But the more I've thought about it, I think the real reason is that God wants me to be somewhere else, and that was the catalyst to make me go. There've also been a lot of other things that have happened lately to convince me that she's not the only reason I'm leaving. But yeah. That's all I know to say right now, other than this was probably my last Wednesday night there for a while. I'm scared. But not as much as I thought I would be. So maybe that's good.

Yet another exciting day in the life of teh Jedi.

[Art]

Originally Posted by God's Jedi

Don't worry. You shall know the secret soon enough.

Not right now, so not soon enough.

Bah. Crawford wasn't dark and brooding enough. I've said that forever, and I'm sticking by it.

Maybe, but Crawford could sing circles around this chump.

The first one I saw live was EXCELLENT. The second was merely good.