[BillSPrestonEsq]

Its been a long year and I don't know if anyone else feels but I feel like an irony that happened by accident sometimes. I am away at school, (another town, another dorm, another college, does it matter anymore?) sitting at my desk stairing another 13 papers due, and I want it to all be over.
I miss California, where I dont freeze every time I exit the door. Where I had a job, back when I had a car, back where they served us leeks and onions by the Nile right? I have really been struggling right now to rely on God in this mess. Mostly I miss my girl. Its been a lonely time and the absence seems to be nearing depression, yet I know God has provided me the grace to handle it all.
I am in that weird state where I am homesick, yet have no place to call home except my girlfriends heart. It seems weird when I get depressed about this that I remember our Lord had no home either. It has been that weird way for a couple years now and I should be used to it... but I am not.
I need to find a job whether it be on campus or off, at this point anything that pays and is not intrynsically immoral will do. Its kind of a dark time in my life and if anyone actually sees this, I would apreciate prayers about it. I am not seeing where I will go over the summer or how I will earn money for school, but I know God will provide somehow.
Well I have to get back to my piles of hw, but if anyone notices this thread feel free to make comments.

[BillSPrestonEsq]

Life is an interesting thing. Im kinda getting tired of school right now but I got to looking at where I have done what and I think that when I am done I will have had the best education for my major that this country offers. (A lot of times it doesn't show) I don't know, I have been thinking far too much lately. Far, far too much. If anyone actually sees this, please pray for me. I have a doctors apointment tomorrow that isnt going to be easy.
It has been a struggle lately to trust God. Simply put, I haven't done a very good job. But since I now know I am weak, maybe its time for Him to show Himself strong. Anyway, maybe at the docs tomorrow I can find out whats up with my knee so I can get rid of the crutches. Or get a referal for surgery. Id take either some plan or something, but Im sick of pain meds and insuficcient braces. I don't mean to whine but Im really hoping that something can get done here.
Well, back to my papers....

[GiddyAztec]

Hey man, I'm watching your blog. I know what you're going though, but don't give up (don't mean to go all cliche on you)... think of the alternative to not trusting God. Patience my friend, patience. Even when you run out of patience... have patience...
I could go into detail about how our situations are similar, but it doesn't matter. Just keep putting your faith in action. It's in the times of nothingness when we grow the most. I know you know all this, but I just want to throw some encouragement your way. You seem like a pretty decent guy on the boards, even though our soteriology may differ slightly (although I don't buy the L in the TULIP either), so keep it up. Take it easy.

[BillSPrestonEsq]

If you dont buy the L you cant hold the I without embracing universalism, thats where I am, really undecided about the U, Definitely hold to T & P.but this is a blog one place on CGR that isnt plagued by the battle of the ages. Anyway, Ill put up a decent post tonight after the Dr.'s appointment and classes. I need prayer

This apointment is not going to be easy for me and I may be too emotionally stiff to update tonight. OH well...

[BillSPrestonEsq]

well where to start, the doctors apointment wasnt too bad. What I dreaded came not to pass. I need an MRI on my knee, they think I have a torn meniscus. Me, Im just happy after all this time things are starting to go into motion.
Well one of my profs asked if I could see about being the TA in his class. (Apologetics) He is legendarily hard so that is probably a good thing. I am really having a good day. Its been hard. Who wants to tramp 4 miles through weather close to zero on a torn meniscus? well actually it wasn't half bad. God was faithful and still is. Ive kinda vegged tonight which is bad, but I am past caring to be honest. Im exhausted, but doing great.

[BillSPrestonEsq]

Today was long, sorry if Im kinda incoherent. Been working, been relaxing a bit this evening, taking it slow, read the book of luke, outlined it and put down all the major themes. (lot of reading that was) Been hobbling around campus doing classes. Its just kind of weird to realize I am here, 2 more years, and Ill be almost graduated and almost married. I decided Id put down a few barebones facts about me.

Age: 21
Gender: M
Soteriology: Mostly Arminian, with a healthy dose of God's soveriegnty thrown in, so lets say confusedist. (as we all know, thats the most important ? on the board right?
Major: Pastoral Ministry
Location: Moody
Ocupation: Unemployed computer tech. (Troubleshooting, desktop and network support are my specialties, with a touch of programming on the side.)
Guitar: Ibanez 350DX (this is a guitar site still, right?) have others, but thats my main one.
Marital status: Engaged

A bit of background: I am from a tough town, lower class. I grew up in church, was saved at the age of 8. Did a mojor backslide in HS. Got involved in heavy drinking, some illegal activities. Then "Whack" I discovered He is faithful, and God disciplined me as a son, who the father caught in all the wrong stuff. My world crumbled.
I didnt know what to do for a while. Read a lot, went to church, struggled with desiring alchohol for a year or so. 4 years since Ive tasted it January 1.
Ive felt God calling me into ministry since late 1998, I'd tried to get into Bible schools, but this is the first time i both got in and could afford it. God has brought me through many trials and I firmly believe I will someday end up right where I started, in a poor, rough neighborhood, hopefully being a bringer of light in a dark place.

Anyway, thats me in a nutshell.

[BillSPrestonEsq]

Well I got through one more day. Stayed up till 4 last night writing like a fiend. This could well be my longest semester so far as far as hours are concerned. I'll be working for my Prof so thats good. Still need lots of prayer.

It was a good day. They played an organ in chapel with all the lights off today.... I guess they were trying to play lulabies or something cause I got a good nap out of it! No speaker, so I really don't care if I fall asleep.

Anyway, kinda normal day. If you stop in, why not say hi?

[Athanasius]

Bill...one of the most *stuborn* posters on CGR. I have to admit...you drove me absolutely batty when we first met...now I think you are one of the coolest.

Happy blogging! Tell us about knife fighting in the jungles or something..

[BillSPrestonEsq]

never knife fought in the jungles. I have knife fought and I have been to the jungle though. I remember the knife fights too clearly to be honest. Anyone who says they could kill with no remorse in self defense is deceived. I struggle with guilt for stabbing a druggie in the leg who had got me in the arm (which was blocking my neck.) It was a long time ago, back when I was in High School and I was a paper boy. I lived and worked in a very rough neighborhood, and I being a young idiot let the $300 in cash I had on me show. Hence a druggie saw me as an easy target. This experience actually led me to fear and depression as I struggled to make sense and for several years was afraid of who might be ready to do it again.
The second knife fight was much less honourable, A guy I knew got completely ticked at me and well He drew a knife and I drew a larger one. We were both pretty good so other than some scratches and a few cuts we ended up ok, as we both took off when the cops were called. We both got away.....

After that about 6 months God really got ahold of me. I had lots of $ then, was doing ok, but I also got shot at a few times by backstabbers, watched as all my friends went down the toilet, saw some commit suicide, saw some attempt to murder others, and it was like someone opened my eyes and I said "Oh God, What have I become..." Te answer I told him I was a word Ive never heard in a prayer since and well, it would definitely be blocked by the filters.

He completely changed my life, I went on a couple short term trips overseas which really helped because to be honest, Im not the best fit in most places. I still betray a bit too much of my street punk roots. It was their I realized God had put me through trials to help somme people like me. Now I am studying for the pastorit and I plan on going overseas, or back to the ghetto.

[BillSPrestonEsq]

quick thought from todays lecture....

It was a guest lecture in Christian missions today, from Indonesia today, on the other side of my favorite island PNG. He is head of a Bible school there and he was discussing the struggles they faced. He said we have some opposition, similar to our brothers in Sudan.... And changed topics. We asked if there was any persecution in the central highlands. He told us of the martyrdom of a friend of his from church and torture of his family for refusing to cite the islamic creed. He then stated talking about the school again. We asked about the school, had it faced oposition. His response. "every day"

We asked him where he saw himself in five years. His response: "They will kill me, but when I am killed God will raise up another. The Jihad will not prevail. God will not abandon His children." He stated that so calmly, with such acceptance that it stunned me. Just made me question my commitment. If I were him, would I go back as he will later today? Would I stand firm, and you who are reading this blog. Will you,?

[BillSPrestonEsq]

Im tired. So Ill keep it brief. In the theos tonight I was nominated for most stubborn and most conservative. I am pretty conservative in some ares, but pretty liberal in others. Stubborn..... Im half irish, half scottish, I think stubborn comes with the territory. There is something really funny about that, but Id have to reveal my secret identity to tell that...

[benj]

Originally posted by BillSPrestonEsq
Im tired. So Ill keep it brief. In the theos tonight I was nominated for most stubborn and most conservative. I am pretty conservative in some ares, but pretty liberal in others. Stubborn..... Im half irish, half scottish, I think stubborn comes with the territory. There is something really funny about that, but Id have to reveal my secret identity to tell that...

The secret identity references you have made fascinate me... better watch out, people are gonna try to catch you now...

[BillSPrestonEsq]

I dont want to reveal who I am, because ummm, my ra is already afraid of me, just from the scar in my jacket where it caught a knife. It is repaired, and when he saw me in a tank top. My upper left arm looks a little scarred, nice deep, straight scars, that really scared him cause I had to partially explain how I got them. He then viewed my pocketknife in a whole new light... I like anonymity, as I can be more open. I have really gotten screwed over when people find out about my past. Only one mortal knows it and loves me. The rest got scared off or I have to hide my past to a great extent.

Ill give you 2 clues

1. Bums dont ask me for $
2. I don't have it anyway

[BillSPrestonEsq]

Its been a long but good week.

I am getting very tired as I have been working a lot and Its just been a struggle to keep my head above water. Lots of stuff going on, but God has been good. However I do request prayer for an unmentionable prayer request. (its very personal) I need to be able to accept God's plan no matter how hard He in His soveriegnty has it for me. It looks like it could be really tough Thanks

[Than]

Hey!
From the little bit I've seen of you on the boards, you seem like a cool guy! I'll be praying for you! By the way, what does TULIP stand for? (I'm not trying to get into a debate, just curious ).