[***starburst***]

I'm not real partial to sharing my stuff, but I really need an opinion on some of this stuff, and I know any friends I have will be too afraid to criticize. All right, this is very mellow, accompanied only by piano. The chord progression is kind of wacky, but I like it. The vox part fits very nicely with it, and it's unpredictable. It's kind of depressing, but oh well; I was in a depressed mood when I wrote it. I've included the chord progression, just so you can get an idea of the melancholy mood of the piece. Just for the record, most of the chords are funky inversions. So it may sound funny if you just play the straight chords. I hope to be able to record it sometime soon though, so you can get a better idea of it.



Hamlet:



Verse: (C, Em, Dm, Bdim7 - one chord for each line)

I'm tired of being alive
Crazy? slightly, but aren't we all
To go through life anticipating
Inevitable fall

It's safer on the ground
Immobile, yes, but safer still
The plane rarely crashes
On the runway

Chorus:(slows considerably, chords change at same speed, but the vox line goes much slower)

And (C)I don't (D7)want to (F)cry (C)anymore
(C)I don't (D7)want to (Gm)feel (Dm)anyway
And I don't want to live anymore
But I don't want to die...

Verse 2:

To be or not to be
A question ever burning
'Tis nobler to live
Or satisfy the yearning

**This part breaks down a little, not really following any specific rhythm or melody, almost to the point of it being improv. Still same chords though.**

Yet I'm learning that to be
Is always safer, simply be,
Than 'tis to live
No, I don't want to live!

Chorus:

Bridge:(Gm, F, Gm, Dm, Gm, F, Gm, D+ (resolve) D. Two chords per line)

As You slip into the background, I cry
Crawl into a corner and fade away
Hope when I materialize, You're prominent
It's too bad I'm too frightened to emerge

Piano bridge

C, C+, F, C - Twice through

Ending:(Very quiet, and slow – same chords as last part of chorus, end on the Gm)

And I don’t want to die anymore
But I’m too tired to live…

[cool_E]

I like it. Very well done.

I'd suggest that you consider the following changes...

Chorus

And I don't want to cry anymore
I don't want to feel anything
And I don't want to live anymore
Yet I don't want to die...

IMO, these minor changes go a long way in making the
lyric more universal & approachable.

I love the first half of verse 2. I'd recommend
that you cut the second part. It doesn't add anything
new. I think moving right back to the chorus at the
end of the "to be or not to be" part will be very powerful.

I'd probably cut to one bridge (the shorter one) and
then flow right back into a final chorus.

Anyway, those are my thoughts. Again, well done!

[***starburst***]

I changed stuff on there, but I left the second verse because I'm still thinking about it. It would be hard to clip it without it sounding odd, because it goes right into the second part, mid measure. I don't know, I'll think about it some more.