Inklings...

**Tony** · 11-20-2002, 03:15 PM

Haven’t journal-ed since college. Sheesh.

Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Tony Hartsfield. I live in St. Louis, Missouri. I am divorced and remarried, and have ~~two~~ three children. Career-wise, I suppose there has also been a divorce and remarriage: I used to be a music and youth pastor; now I teach computers at a law firm.

I am a volunteer worship leader at my church. I plan and lead rehearsal, play guitar (usually acoustic) and sing, much like I used to do as a vocational minister.

With the basic pleasantries out of the way, I suppose the issue that many bloggers face is why do it? And will I be able to sustain it? As to why, I’ve wrestled with finding avenues for reflection that aren’t limited to “Christian” filters. Not that I have a desire to be profane, but sometimes need a place for unfinished thoughts. Musings. Inklings.

As to sustaining it, we’ll just have to see. Or if nobody else reads it, I’ll have to see.

**Tony** · 11-20-2002, 04:02 PM

Was tempted to cheat on my first entry. I found a journal I wrote from a mission trip that I took to Bolivia, and was going to copy and paste some of it here. Instead, I’ll let the memory spark new words (hopefully).

I’ve had the good fortune to participate in mission trips outside the US – namely, twice to Mexico, and the above mentioned Bolivia trip. All three involved some type of manual labor (house building, church building, playground creation), along with some type of evangelistic effort. All involved working with poverty (border towns in Mexico have large populations of poor people, and Bolivia is the poorest per capita country in South America). All have left indelible marks on my heart.

When I was preparing to go to Mexico the first time, the trip leader addressed us college kids with this thought: unless you’ve been to a third-world country, you’ve yet to see the world as God sees it.

I thought he was simply being dramatic at the time, but while I was there, working side by side with the people of that small town, I began to understand the depth of his words.

I hope that throughout my life, I will have opportunities to visit and experience other world cultures, particularly in the context of mission work. I want to remember that Christianity isn’t limited to America, and never to take the privileges and freedoms (and wealth) that we enjoy in the US for granted.

Cornerstone · 11-20-2002, 04:08 PM

I understand what you mean about visiting Mexico. I went on a mission trip a couple of years ago, and I have never been the same. We visited this orphanage where the kids had absolutely NOTHING but God and each other, and they were happy. They had to share clothes, but they were happy. It made me realize what a spoiled American I am, and made me more thankful than ever for the material things God has blessed me with. We saw this one church that was in the middle of a dump, where people actually lived. Yet despite the deplorable living conditions, they praised God anyways. it was amazing. I am so thankful that I had that opportunity. God bless.

**Tony** · 11-22-2002, 10:34 AM

Traffic was horrible today. I hate rush hour.

Andrew was a friend that I met while working at a church as music and youth pastor. He and his wife sang in the choir. I liked him because I thought he was quirky and had an “out there” sense of humor.

He was a student at the chiropractic college nearby. While I don’t have anything against the practice in general, let me just say that it does encompass a very broad approach to “health” that some might interpret as bordering on voodoo. And some of the chiropractors that practice the more wacky areas of the field tend to be wacky themselves. Andrew had some of those tendencies.

Andrew was a self-described recovering New Ager. Raised in a Christian home, he spent his childhood in church, then abandoned it in college to pursue “truth.” He dabbled in crystals, Taoism, Naturalism, whatever. But after exhausting those avenues he found himself returning to The Truth. I met him while he was still making the journey back to orthodoxy.

I asked him once what the whole attraction to New Age was, expecting an answer along the lines of wanting to find the god in himself, or his place in the nothingness of it all, or something like that. Instead, he said he left the church because of the concept of original sin.

“I wanted to believe that people, left on their own, were basically good. That if you could only create the environment where people could simply ‘be’, they would ‘be’ good.” Eventually though, he had to abandon that path, because he realized that people are, in fact, sinful. Left on our own, we will become selfish, placing ourselves over anything else. It’s the very sin that Paul describes in the first 2 chapters of Romans, concluding in chapter 3, that “all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God.”

It was a stirring conversation, and I’m glad to say that Andrew, now a chiropractor, continues to grow in his faith in Christ. But his whole premise was so foreign to me. How could he possibly think that people are basically good?

Which brings me back to traffic this morning: how could anybody who drives during rush hour not believe in original sin?

**Tony** · 11-26-2002, 01:31 PM

Bought a new Christmas tree last night, one of those pre-lighted ones. How lazy is that?

I love Christmas decorations, but it’s a pain to carry all the boxes from the basement, unpack everything, place it all “just so” and take the boxes back downstairs. And there’s always something new each year, so the task becomes bigger.

The trappings of Christmas. We do it because it’s fun.

I’m sure there will be hundreds of messages stating that we should not lose the “true meaning” of Christmas this December. I’m not sure that most of what we observe for the holiday is part of that truth, including what takes place inside the church walls. But perhaps they contribute to the total “truth” of the Christian life anyway.

The truth is, Christians enjoy beauty, and know how to celebrate life. We recognize a Savior who came to redeem the total being, not just the “religious” part. And in the midst of a sinful world, we reveal a glimpse of life in the Kingdom.

And so I’ll break out the boxes of decorations, and light the candles, and sing Joy to the World at the top of my lungs again this year.

Hey look, it’s my 100th post.

**Tony** · 12-04-2002, 11:16 AM

First snow of the season in St. Louis today. I love/hate snow.

It’s pretty, and puts me in the mood for Christmas. But it’s a pain to drive in and on, and it doesn’t go away fast enough.

A morning radio show guy has a joke about opening the “panic aisle” at the grocery store. There’s always one or two aisles that are chained closed the rest of the time, but when snow starts, they’re opened. And you can only buy bread and milk, the two staples that seem to disappear when it snows in St. Louis. Apparently, he says, when it snows in this city, everybody wants to make french toast.

What do you need in times of trouble? What do you go to for comfort in uncertain days? Junk food… beer… that one album that you play over and over… sleep…

Paul says to be anxious for nothing, but to offer everything up to God, in order to experience peace. I can’t argue with scripture, but I just wonder if part of God’s answer to those prayers for peace is a nice, comforting plate of french toast.

**Tony** · 12-09-2002, 08:53 AM

So my daughter is watching Arthur before school one morning. The theme song says "Believe in yourself, that's the way to start."

But isn't that actually the problem? Scripture tells us that when we place ourselves at the starting point, bad stuff happens.

The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom.

And He is the beginning and the first born of the dead, so that in everthing He might have supremecy.

I have been crucified with Christ, and I no longer live, yet Christ lives in me.

**Tony** · 12-19-2002, 03:56 PM

I talked to my 7 year-old daughter about Santa Clause this week. Gotta tell ya, I was a bit nervous about how she’d take it.

I started by telling her that there really was a Saint Nicholas, and that he was known for his kindness. The rest of the Santa stuff was added to make Christmas fun.

At first she didn’t want to believe it, or at least she appeared to object. If I had to make an honest guess, I’d say that she’s been a scoffer for some time now, but perhaps thought the gift extravaganza would halt if she fessed up.

Anyway, in the end, she took it pretty well, and is looking forward to maintaining the Santa story for her baby brother. I know some people get pretty uptight about the subject, thinking that if we perpetuate the myth of Claus that kids will assume that Christ is a myth, too. But those are the same folks that don’t let their kids go trick-or-treating.

I’m not about to rob my children of the joy of being children.

**Tony** · 12-26-2002, 09:35 PM

It seems that every gift my kids got for Christmas requires batteries.

You'd think that for this level of consumption of AA's that EverReady would offer stock options.

sheesh!

**Tony** · 12-30-2002, 09:36 AM

Driving to work this morning, and car in front of me has a sticker on the back bumper. It read, “Jesus loves you. Everybody else thinks you’re an a**hole.”

First I was shocked over what I saw in print. Then I have to admit, I chuckled a little. He’s probably right, I thought to myself.

The fact is, we’re not saved because we’re nice people. We’re not granted access to the King of kings because we’re cute. Chances are, we’re jerks.

“When we were utterly helpless, Christ came at just the right time and died for us sinners. Now, no one is likely to die for a good person, though someone might be willing to die for a person who is especially good. But God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners.” (Romans 5:6-8)

I doubt if that driver intended for his bumper sticker message to be a profound truth, but I’m grateful for the reminder just the same.

Happy New Year, everyone.

**Tony** · 01-02-2003, 01:11 PM

2003

Resolve: to quit biting my nails (I’m already breaking that as I type this)

Resolve: to read the Bible every day (I forgot to do it yesterday)

Resolve: to lose weight (as long as it doesn’t require diet or exercise)

*sigh*

**Tony** · 01-06-2003, 09:40 AM

Yesterday was my daughter’s 8th birthday. Eight years old… Man.

I swear to you, five minutes ago I was driving her home from the hospital for the first time. In another five, she’ll graduate from high school.

She’s seen a lot in her short lifetime: divorce; my remarriage; a new baby brother. I often wonder (and worry) about how different her development will be than her brother’s. How much longer will I influence her growth as a part-time dad? Will she struggle with committed relationships? Will she feel cheated by her parents?

I just don’t know.

**Tony** · 01-09-2003, 09:20 AM

I’m about to step down from my worship leading position at church for a while.

Ever since our son was born last March, my wife has had a tough time getting ready on Sunday mornings. I’m out of the house by 7 in order to get ready for worship team rehearsal, so there’s no one there to help her. So in the past 10 months, she’s only made it to church a handful of times.

Until she is able to handle the task of getting herself and baby ready on time, I should be there to help. Can’t believe it took me this long to realize that.

As a worship leader who is also a husband and father, it should be my primary responsibility lead my family in (or to) worship. What does it profit a worship leader if he directs a whole congregation in song, but loses his family?

**Tony** · 01-13-2003, 03:33 PM

My 10 month-old son pulled himself up for the first time over the weekend. He was on his knees as he played with something on top of his toy box, then just stood up. It’s amazing to watch “firsts” like that.

Soon he’ll take his first step… and fall flat on his face.

Life is series of trial and error, taking steps and falling, then trying again.

It’s almost time to get him a Baby Taylor.

**Tony** · 01-21-2003, 11:14 AM

Due to length, this is a 2-parter:

Haven’t thought about this in years, and don’t know what reminded me of it. Perhaps because it was in January…

I was just out of college, serving as an intern for the Baptist Student Union at Mizzou. Students from BSUs all across the state went on a mission trip to Mexico during the winter break. I was asked to go as the staff representative for our campus.

The week was a great experience for everyone involved (I’ll share other stories from it if there’s interest). Then it was time to drive home.

It’s a 2-day drive from Mexico to Missouri. We were on the second day, crossing northern Texas. The Mizzou group rode along with students from the Kirksville BSU, sharing 2 vans, 1 pulling a trailer. The weather had been pretty bad, a recent snow storm, and temperatures in the teens. The highways were still icy. We had been using cb radios to communicate between the vans, but it had been quiet for a half-hour or so. I was riding in the van with the trailer, and we were in front at the time.

Our driver noticed that he couldn’t see the other van in his mirror. He called for them on the cb, but got no response. As he looked for an exit to pull off at, he switched to channel 19 to ask if any truckers had seen the van. “Yeah, there was one on it’s side a couple of mile-markers back,” a voice said on the radio.

We turned around and started back, until we saw our van. It was lying on the driver’s side. The roof was caved in somewhat, indicating that the van had rolled at least once before skidding to a stop. I didn’t see any of the 10 people that were in the van, and wondered if any were alive.

A truck had stopped, along with one or two cars, and the ambulances had already been called. I remember running across the highway, feeling the slap of frigid wind on my skin. The treacherous walk on icy pavement.

When we reached the van, we began to help people out. Sonya, one of the students riding in the van with me, went to each one, wrapped her arms around them, and prayed. A sense of calm began in the wake of hysteria. I’d never seen anything like it.

But then came a huge realization for me. Here we are on an icy highway in northern Texas, hundreds of miles from home, with ten potentially injured students and a totaled van, and as the only BSU staff member there, I’m in charge. Now what?