[Tony]

Boy parts! We saw boy parts!

Looks like our 18 week-old pupa is going to be our second son.

Sonograms are absolutely amazing.

[Laura]

Congratulations! That is so awesome. I'm praying for you all.

[psalm63adam]

Originally Posted by tonyh

Boy parts! We saw boy parts!

Looks like our 18 week-old pupa is going to be our second son.

Sonograms are absolutely amazing.

Congrats! That is great news!

My baby daughter just had her first immunizations. Hard on the whole family.

[Tony]

Originally Posted by parkway

Congrats! That is great news!

My baby daughter just had her first immunizations. Hard on the whole family.

Thanks, Laura & Parkway.

Yeah, shots are brutal. Our son had his 18 month checkup the same day that we had the sonogram. He got a shot in each leg. So they shoot him the first time, and he screams. But then they prep him for the next one, so he knows it's coming, and that his parents did nothing to stop the last one.

It just borders on cruelty, I tell ya.

When my daughter was little, I could barely stay in the examination room with her.

[Tony]

Weird week. Met with the worship committee on Monday, where we plotted out the rest of the year. It’s also where I formally announced that I would be stepping down as worship director at year’s end.

I’ve struggled for the last several months with trying to keep up with work, baby, planning and leading worship every week. And with another baby due in January, I was really feeling the pressure. Something needed to give, and I didn’t want it to be my family.

I used to be a music and youth pastor. I was also previously married. Both of those things blew up about the same time. So after starting my adult life over, I’ve noticed that I’m a little bit more protective of the marriage and family than I am of church ministry involvement.

Nothing wrong with that. I believe family should be held as a higher priority. But I don’t think that’s the only thing going on inside my head. I think I’m still gun-shy from my bad church staff experience, and I have trouble trusting church leaders.

For instance, the men’s retreat is coming up, and the associate pastor asked me to lead the group in charge of worship, which I accepted. Yet when the planning meeting was held, I found myself reserved, uncomfortable, wishing to simply get out of the room. The last men’s retreat I went to was attended by the same men who formed the deacon board and personnel committee that fired me from my staff position. Feelings of danger flooded back, even though I’m now a volunteer, and I have received nothing but support from this church. What am I afraid of?

So I guess there’s still work to be done, more hurt feelings to release to healing and restoration, more areas of pride to expose to the light of God’s truth and submit to His leading.

[Tony]

noticed myself in the mensroom mirror at the office this morning:

Black shirt

Gray slacks

Gray socks

Black shoes

Brown belt

*sigh*

I can't take myself anywhere...

[Tony]

Was looking for my email archives at the office today, and was concerned that I couldn’t find ones that I sent to friends last October. You see, I was working at our offices in Saudi Arabia, Kuwait, and the UAE then, and had kept those emails as a journal of the trip. So I think I’d better jot a few things down before they fade further from memory.

First, a little background. I’m in the training department for a large law firm. We had upgraded our computers’ operating system and office suite, and it was time to upgrade the Middle East offices. Project management wanted to send a network dude to handle the technical aspects of the upgrade, and a trainer to show the users how all the new stuff worked. There are 10 trainers in our firm. What were my odds of going?

The first requirement was to send only males on the trip (the firm had some difficulty sending a woman a few years earlier), reducing the pool to 3. The other 2 dudes said that they didn’t feel comfortable traveling to that area at the time, leaving only me. To be honest, I was a bit reticent myself.

My wife was the one who emboldened me to go, however. “How many times will you get this opportunity?” she asked. “Frankly, I’m a little jealous.”

So I told my boss that while I was a little nervous, I was willing to go. So we set about getting visa applications and flight arrangements to get there.

We flew from St. Louis to Chicago, overnight to Zurich, then the rest of the day to Riyadh, Saudi Arabia, 23 hours total. If you’ve ever traveled abroad, you know the sort of low-level anxiety of landing in a totally strange locale, where English is optional. Add to that the armed militia in the airport, the stone faced stares from immigration officials dressed in traditional men’s robes and head coverings. We didn’t see our colleague from the Saudi office at the time, and I began to feel isolated. My traveling companion, Larry, and I had been talking about the customs desk, how they sometimes frown on finding computer disks & cds. If they want, they can make you show them everything in great detail, detaining you for hours.

But none of that happened. As I placed my bags on the x-ray counter, one official asked about my backpack. “Is this yours, sir?” he asked. I said yes, and began to open it for inspection. “That’s okay,” he said, and moved me on. And then as soon as I cleared the desk (one more check of my passport to verify my work visa), I saw Victor, my new best friend.

Victor is the computer support person for all of the Middle East offices. Originally from the Philippines (as is much of the workforce there), he and his wife have been in Saudi Arabia for many years, leaving his children to be raised by his grandparents back home.

Anyway, it was dark, so we didn’t see a whole lot on the drive to the hotel, but my first impression was of a modern city. I would see much more the next morning.

Saudi Arabia is beautiful, in a Spartan kind of way. Not a lot of color, lots of militaristic symbolism, clean. Highways and streets are quite modern (and crowded). You can tell a Saudi driver from an expatriate pretty quickly: the expat stays in his lane, but the Saudi simply doesn’t care, and drives anywhere and anyhow that he pleases (he’s also driving a Mercedes or Lexus, or some other really expensive car). Apparently Victor is a religious man. Whenever he was cut off on the highway, he would throw his hands in the air and cry out, “Jesus Christ!” Other times he would just shout “Come on!” or even a combination. Larry & I began to imitate the move, giving each other “The Victor” whenever we wanted the other to get moving.

I do not use “he” generically, by the way. I saw no women drivers at all. In fact, I’m not sure they’re permitted. More on women’s position in society later.

Speaking of more later, I’ll post this and continue with Riyadh next time.

[Tony]

I'll get back to my middle east trip shortly, but first...

Apparently they're having a snowball fight in Hades:

Mizzou beat the stew out of Nebraska last Saturday!

[Tony]

Back to Riyadh…

Saudi culture is fascinating, and frightening. It’s illegal to practice any other religion than Islam. An expat who is caught with a Bible could be imprisoned or deported. A Saudi citizen could be executed. 5 times a day, the mosques blare out the call to prayer from incredibly loud external speakers. Those who can get to the mosque do, the rest are obligated to roll out their prayer mats where they are and face Mecca. Even in the hotel where I stayed, there is an arrow painted on the nightstand pointing toward Mecca. The city is pretty much closed down for the next 20 minutes or so. Inside our office, only one person is Muslim, and he prayed (usually) while the rest of us continued to work. It’s interesting to see that inside a private home or building, much of the religious fervor tends to fade.

We went to a Souq, a shopping area, one afternoon. Lots of beautiful silk rugs, clothing, glassware, leather goods, and most important, gold jewelry shops. Gold is very high quality and relatively inexpensive in the Middle East. So I shot most of my souvenir and gift money there. Larry was interested in the traditional clothing that men wear, so he bought the white robe and red headpiece that you see on TV so much. I bought a more casual robe (more like a long nightshirt) that’s really quite comfortable to wear.

Women are strongly encouraged to wear a long black robe whenever they are outside, and most are required to cover their heads and faces as well. Even in a restaurant, traditional women’s faces were covered, unless they get a private room (which was also quite common) where only their families could see them. The best that I can tell, women have no rights in Saudi Arabia. Citizens resent the expat women who “flaunt” their independence. There’s even a certain group of religious officials who will try to publicly shame a woman who doesn’t have her head covered.

Two more things about Riyadh before the next stop:

The food was wonderful. No pork (veal bacon leaves little to be desired), but lots of tasty things. Hummus, baba ganoush, lamb, pickled veggies, hot sweet tea with fresh mint leaves. Even their take on pizza and tacos was interesting. I loved every meal. Alcohol is forbidden, yet, they have lots of awful near beer and equally awful no-alcohol wine. In fact, there was a “bar” in the hotel where guests (men only) could go for a not-so-stiff belt. Funny.

Shisha: On our last night in Riyadh, one of our co-workers (an American, but his family is from the Middle East, so he fit right in) wanted to take us to “this place” for conversation and shisha. I didn’t know what to think at first. We had to drive outside of the city where it was quite dark, which made me nervous. When we got there however, I was pleasantly surprised.

I guess you could describe the place as a giant outdoor men’s club. It must have been a football field in length, well-lit, with short garden walls around, and colorful canvas tent-like coverings overhead. The first section we walked through was in the traditional style – “booths” of cushions on the ground, where groups would lounge. We walked to the modern section, which had patio tables and chairs. There was a pleasant breeze blowing that night, making the setting quite comfortable.

As you’re taking in the sights of the place, there’s a mysterious, fruity aroma about, emanating from all the hookah pipes. Shisha is a traditional pipe tobacco that is mixed with fruit and molasses. It is smoked through the water pipes, which cools it so that it doesn’t burn your throat. So what you get is this moist, cool, aromatic smoke. Everyone gets their own hookah, chooses a flavor of shisha, and enjoys the next couple of hours puffing and talking with friends. It was a wonderful evening, and I am so glad that I didn’t chicken out.

Next stop: Kuwait City.

[psalm63adam]

Originally Posted by tonyh

Weird week. Met with the worship committee on Monday, where we plotted out the rest of the year. It’s also where I formally announced that I would be stepping down as worship director at year’s end.

I’ve struggled for the last several months with trying to keep up with work, baby, planning and leading worship every week. And with another baby due in January, I was really feeling the pressure. Something needed to give, and I didn’t want it to be my family.

I used to be a music and youth pastor. I was also previously married. Both of those things blew up about the same time. So after starting my adult life over, I’ve noticed that I’m a little bit more protective of the marriage and family than I am of church ministry involvement.

Nothing wrong with that. I believe family should be held as a higher priority.

You got it, bro. Most church people prioritize their lives like this: CHURCH, WORK, FAMILY, GOD. It should be GOD (not to be confused with CHURCH), FAMILY, CHURCH, WORK.

But I don’t think that’s the only thing going on inside my head. I think I’m still gun-shy from my bad church staff experience, and I have trouble trusting church leaders.

For instance, the men’s retreat is coming up, and the associate pastor asked me to lead the group in charge of worship, which I accepted. Yet when the planning meeting was held, I found myself reserved, uncomfortable, wishing to simply get out of the room. The last men’s retreat I went to was attended by the same men who formed the deacon board and personnel committee that fired me from my staff position. Feelings of danger flooded back, even though I’m now a volunteer, and I have received nothing but support from this church. What am I afraid of?

So I guess there’s still work to be done, more hurt feelings to release to healing and restoration, more areas of pride to expose to the light of God’s truth and submit to His leading.

Yeah, this is my third ministry (I've been in ministry for ten years), and I constantly question my call - not to ministry - but to being a minister. I wonder if I would make more of a difference doing what you're doing. Sometimes I believe I would, because I wouldn't have to put up with as much crap as I do as a minister. Other times I get scared because I can't see myself doing anything different, at least nothing that will allow my wife, baby and I to continue to do okay financially.

So it's a continuous conundrum. I believe I'm living out God's purpose in my life, and I'm passionate about what I do, but I don't like church politics.

[Tony]

Originally Posted by parkway

Yeah, this is my third ministry (I've been in ministry for ten years), and I constantly question my call - not to ministry - but to being a minister. I wonder if I would make more of a difference doing what you're doing. Sometimes I believe I would, because I wouldn't have to put up with as much crap as I do as a minister. Other times I get scared because I can't see myself doing anything different, at least nothing that will allow my wife, baby and I to continue to do okay financially.

I remember that feeling exactly.

First, let me say that I have complete respect for the full-time vocational minister. This is Pastor Appreciation Month, after all. I admire and pray for my pastor and the rest of the staff regularly. I affirm what they do, and their calling to do so.

But even when I was in seminary, I wondered if everyone who was "called" to ministry was "called" for life. Perhaps there are those that are called for only a season of vocational ministry, then move on (or are led) to something else. I didn't realize at the time that I was one of those possible people.

When everything was crumbling around me -- my wife was very distant (I think on the verge of an affair), and my church was firing me, I scrambled to look for another church setting. When I was doing odd jobs to pay bills, I was still looking for a ministry position. Even when I started as a computer trainer full time, I thought I would be back on staff somewhere in a few months.

I had somehow over the course of my ministry career (less than 10 years) converted the mindset of "I don't want to do anything else" to "I can't do anything else." And I felt paralyzed when another church job didn't appear, felt that God had betrayed and abandoned me. I was a mess... Thank God He didn't unleash me on another congregation at that time.

Instead, what He began to teach me over the next couple of years is that the skills necessary for vocational ministry have other applications. What a relief to discover that I would not starve, let alone prosper, doing something else. And that I could actually enjoy doing it.

Then He taught me the most wonderful lesson: the gifts that I used in vocational ministry -- teaching, wisdom, leadership -- were still needed in the church. I was still "called" to minister, only now as a volunteer. I can't tell you the joy that affirmation brought to me.

So I've amended my theory of the Seasonal Call. You are called to ministry for life, just not necessarily for a living.

I think you're going to find crap wherever you go, Parkway. It's perhaps a little more annoying when it's church crap, but that's just because we think it shouldn't be there. At least it should be Holy Crap instead of run-of-the-mill work crap. Silly us.

You don't know me, and have no real reason to trust me, but if you'd like to discuss this a little more privately, or share with me specifically how I can pray for you, please feel free to PM or email me.

And... Happy Pastor Appreciation Month!

[psalm63adam]

Very insightful. Thanks! I'll definitely be pm'ing you, thanks for the offer.

And oh yeah, any week that Nebraska loses makes it a great week for me.

[Tony]

On to Kuwait…

When you fly on Saudi Arabian Airlines, you’re bound by all the restrictions of Saudi Arabia. There’s no booze on the plane, and before takeoff, a prayer to Allah is played VERY LOUDLY over the intercom. Like the streets of Riyadh, the Saudi’s pretty much ignore what their ticket says and sit where they like, unless a flight attendant asks them to move (and even then they’re reluctant) It’s a pretty short flight from Riyadh, Saudi Arabia to Kuwait City, slightly over an hour, but they served a full meal anyway, and it was good food.

Kuwait, though still an Islamic state, is slightly less constricting than Saudi Arabia. They permit expats to attend church. Within walking distance of my hotel was a Catholic, Christian, and Coptic church. They use a little more color in their decorating and architecture. And they permit a few more “American” features. TGI Fridays and Pizza Hut are popular there. You also might here smatterings of western music. Still, only work visas are permitted, no tourists.

This is a wealthy, wealthy nation, more so than any other in the middle east I think. It’s also a car enthusiast’s dream, since the streets are covered with $50+ thousand autos. Even our taxi was a Mercedes.

Kuwait, you’ll remember, was attacked by Iraq, prompting the American involvement in what became Desert Storm. Much of Kuwait city was devastated by Iraqi bombs. But the Kuwaiti government was determined to erase the affects of the Invaders, and rebuilt the city in a few short years. Today, the only indicators of invasion are photos and memorials. Remarkable, really.

We were only there a couple of days, and so didn’t get to see much, but what we did see was very pretty. What was kinda funny though were all the Halloween decorations. In fact, one of the restaurants we ate at for lunch had the staff dressed in costumes. And I guess I was in costume, too, dressed as the Ugly American.

There was an small amusement park that unfortunately didn’t open the day we visited. Go-carts and a water park (we were really curious how they handled the swimsuit issue, but alas our curiosity went un-sated). But since even recreating Kuwaitis had to pray when called, there was a small mosque in the park. I took a picture from the outside.

Anyway, that was about all we got to see of Kuwait, other than a great dinner and shisha at Pakistani restaurant. That, and I bought a Persian hookah at a nearby shop. Way cool.

Next stop: Abu Dhabi, UAE.

[Tony]

On to the UAE!

Emirates Airlines is different from Saudi Arabia Air. And it shows quickly. As soon as the plane is in the air, the bar cart makes a run down the aisle, and EVERYBODY gets a drink. It’s funny: Saudis & Kuwaitis, who can’t legally drink in their countries, and who don’t intend to change the laws, are more than happy to belly up to the bar once they are away from home. Qatar and the UAE are where they go to do their sinning, leaving the homeland “pure.”

The hypocrisy of that shouldn’t surprise us, nor should we conclude that it’s limited to Islam. Rather, it’s part of human sinful nature. We like to keep our immediate area sin-free, as long as they’re still available across the river. But I digress…

The United Arab Emirates is the most “westernized” Islamic country. Just the airport alone reveals a whole different point of view than the previous 2 stops. The color… the sounds… the bar in the terminal… Victor headed straight toward it and ordered a Strong Bow hard cider.

Abu Dhabi kinda looks like Miami, except instead of the Latino influence, you see the Middle Eastern influence. The architecture and landscaping is very beautiful and colorful. Lots of neon.

Our first dinner there was at a restaurant that specialized in Philippine/other Asian cuisine. Wasn’t terribly hungry, but Victor made sure that I tried a dessert called Halo Halo. A busy mixture of ice cream, sponge cake, jello, fruit, beans (!), custard, all covered in cream. Delicious, if a little odd.

The next afternoon, Victor took us to a shopping center nearby. It was a large mall, looking very similar to any suburb in America. They, too, had Halloween decorations still up. And get this: I even saw a Christmas tree displayed in one store! Mind you, these malls have prayer rooms so that shopping Muslims won’t miss their spiritual obligations.

In the lower level of the mall I saw the Middle Eastern equivalent of a Wall-Mart Super Center. Carrefour. Now, what’s the excitement in finding a Wall-Mart you ask? It’s a fascinating look in to the everyday shopping needs of the people who live there. Toilet paper. Catsup. Kids clothing. It shows you once and for all that this “exotic” place that you’re gawking at is filled with real people who do things much the same way you do.

Next time: nightlife in Abu Dhabi, then on to Dubai.

[Tony]

Nightlife in Abu Dhabi

Two tales to tell here. The first involves mostly citizens, then expats.

In the evenings, the weather is quite pleasant in October and November, and folks love to spend time outside. There was a park along the water in the city, where families gather for a picnic dinner. Victor and I sat in an outdoor café, smoked shisha, and frittered away a few hours watching all the folks on the nearby lawn.

Then there’s the other nightlife. Clubs. I mentioned last time how the UAE is the most westernized, and it’s true, right down to some of the same western trappings for entertainment and debauchery. On the entertainment side, we went to a great Lebanese restaurant one night that had live music and belly dancing (very tastefully done, mind you – there were a few families with children at the show). The dancer was absolutely stunning, but I kept watching the drummer. He had this small, metallic conga-looking drum tucked under his arm, and he played some of the most amazing rhythms. The different sounds he got out of that one drum was pretty cool, too. My hands vicariously went numb watching him.

We also went to a Japanese bar that had a live band (remember, most of the workforce in the Middle East is made up of Asians, predominantly Philippines, but a growing number of other countries are represented as well). They sang a lot of 80’s pop songs in English, then would speak Japanese to the crowd.

Larry, my traveling companion, is a huge karaoke fan (so much so that we call him Larryoke), and he found a few places to sing at as well.

But there is the downside of “nightlife” as well – prostitution. We saw a little of it in Abu Dhabi, but we saw it in full force in Dubai, so I’ll save those comments for the next entry.

So next time I’ll talk about clubbing in Dubai, the 7-star resort hotel we saw, Ramadan, and preparing for the trip home.